Monday, October 27, 2014

Teens Sexy Evening Foiled

This 18 year old girl named Karla Farmer from South Carolina was arrested after she was busted by mall security stealing a bunch of freaky shit. Its too late for Valentine's Day to be stealing this stuff and it would've been an interesting Halloween outfit if she had. She managed to pilfer some Rock Hard erection cream, handcuffs, and Deep Throat desensitizing spray. When security caught her she also had a pair of draws she stole from Victoria's Secret. She got slapped with misdemeanor shoplifting and since she stole where she stole and lives where she lives her ass could be charged thousands of dollars and do up to three years in prison. People, know the laws of the places you live. The total amount of the stuff she stole from Spencer's amounted to about $35.

Since I sold porn for so many years I actually know, but never purchased, all of the stuff she stole. Wait. I did buy handcuffs. And a whip. And a fetish mask. For video purchases. That sounds way worse than I intended. I don't trust another human being enough to allow them to cuff me. Fuck that noise. 

That throat spray is funny. The purpose of it is to make your throat numb so when you are skull fucked you don't gag. That's it. We didn't sell too much of that. The erection cream is something that makes it so that you get a hard on...allegedly. It is also mostly for men that come too quick. Notice how all this stuff is about not feeling the actual sex? A lot of it is about making it last longer with less than half the pleasure. I hope that this girl was stealing this for a really awesome boyfriend, but judging from what was stolen I'm doubting it. This is a worse version of having your lady buy condoms for you. I like to think that at the age of 18 that even knowing what this stuff is and does would be foreign but not with the ways kids these days are. They get into some pretty freaky shit. And how often would this stuff even be used? I'm guessing anniversaries or after a really long night of drinking. Otherwise you just have all these dick ointments just chilling in your house. 

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