Hippos & Martinis

A few weeks ago one of my best friends had a birthday at a bar. It was cool. There was a few people I had met before and my lady. I was set to get drunk, listen to music, and then chatter away like a lunatic. This is the part of the movie where a needle usually scratches on a record so get ready.

My ex showed up.

My friend pulled me aside before we ordered drinks and said “You’re gonna hate me.” I didn’t know what she meant at first. How could I hate her? She’s cool as fuck and we’ve been friends close to 10 years and I have known of her since I was 17.

“Whatsherface is coming.”

Whatsherface is my ex. I hate even saying her name. She and my friend used to be friends years ago but my ex decided to be an ass and stopped talking to her. She was coming with an old friend of mine that I had lost contact with years ago. I say “lose contact” but it means that my services were no longer required. Anyway, they were on their way and I no longer wanted to drink.

I wasn’t mad at my friend. I just had absolutely no desire to ever see my ex again. My girlfriend was curious to see what she looked like. In that tiny ass club I was somehow able to dodge my ex and still enjoy myself. My friend came around with the sweetest cupcakes I have ever had in my life that had little animals on top.
“Do you think I look better than her?” my lady asked me in regards to my ex.

Let me explain something, folks. I have never dated someone because of how they looked. My ex was not an attractive woman. She was dwarfish, mean, and pissy. So why did I stay with her? Because I was those things except dwarfish. So yeah. My girlfriend is the hotness. I fell for her because she read Dean Koontz books but the pretty smile, cool conversations, and sexy thighs are all just icing on the cake. My girlfriend beats my ex in every aspect and that is how it should be.

If you can date one person and never have to date ever again, keep it pushing, booboo. But if you do end up in multiple relationships you should always move forward. Even if its just physical as shallow as that sounds. I recently told my girlfriend that if she were ugly but still acted the way she does now I would still like her. And she’d probably be more loose. Ugly chicks are loose. Don’t act shocked, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

Rockets.