The Biggest Asshole

In almost every film and on every TV show there is an asshole. There is someone there that is there just to antagonize everyone and be a general dick. But there is also a likable dick. There is the guy that no matter how much of an ass he is he makes you laugh or you’re just entertained by him. I have graded them on a scale of 1 to 10 on my Asshole Level. Here is my list. Who’d be on yours?

William “D-Fens” Foster “Falling Down”



It all started with a man stuck in traffic and ended with rocket launchers, gun fights, and explosions. Foster is an asshole but he’s also the everyman pushed to the breaking point. He literally gets to a point where there’s no going back. I love the guy, but he’s still an asshole.

Asshole Level: 4

“You think I'm a thief? Oh, you see, I'm not the thief. I'm not the one charging 85 cents for a stinking soda! You're the thief. I'm just standing up for my rights as a consumer.”

Les Grossman “Tropic Thunder”


Oh my god! This guy has maybe close to ten minutes of screen time but he is likely the biggest asshole you may ever see in a film. No matter who he is talking to he will talk to them like they’re the dumbest bastard he’s ever seen in his life. There is not a single good quality about him…except he made me laugh.

Asshole Level: 8

“First, take a big step back…and literally fuck your own face! I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down in a godly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking about a scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I will fuck you up!"

Ryan O’Reilly “OZ”


Now this one was hard. There are a lot of assholes on this show but finding one that was as evil as this guy and just plain sneaky was easy. Who else would be so in love with someone he cant have that he would have her living husband murdered? O’Reilly would. Who would use their brain damaged brother to commit the murder? O’Reilly would.

Asshole Level: 6

“Yeah, I learned the alphabet the hard way. DEA. HIV. IOU.”

Alonzo Harris “Training Day”


This guy was a dick. He was cool as fuck though! Alonzo put his trainee through hell. A day that included murder, smoking sherm, theft, harassment, assault, multiple attempts on his life, and worst of all, having to babysit while Alonzo fucked his girl on the side. This guy managed to be a terrible asshole yet charming at the same time.

Asshole Level: 10

“Now what are you doing out here? You know this is a gang neighborhood? Then don't come down here again. I catch you down here again, I'ma take your vehicle. I'ma make you walk home. I'ma let the homeboys up the hill run a train on your girlfriend. You know what a train is, don't you? All right, thanks for your cooperation.”

Buddy Ackerman “Swimming With Sharks”


This guy was such an asshole that his assistant held him hostage, tortured him with paper cuts all over his face (including his tongue) and having hot sauce and lemon juice poured on the wounds. Even while being tortured he was able to manipulate his torturer. This guy was magical.

Asshole Level: 9

“No offense to you, but you are just an assistant. Now, granted, you're my assistant, but still just an assistant. Dawn, on the other hand, is a producer. Her car phone bills are more than your rent. So, just how far do you think you'll get?”