Story Behind The Photo 1

This is the image of a very happy man. A very drunk happy man. A very, very drunk happy man. It all started when my cousin Mala invited me to a friends birthday party. Since I am a No Factory the idea of hanging out with a bunch of people that I don’t know isn’t terribly exciting to me. I was ready to drop the Nope Bomb when she said that we’d be going to Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament. Yes, the place where there are fucking men in suits of armor and horses and weapons and you eat with your hands! Oh, don't act like the idea of holding a giant piece of meat in your hands doesn't excite you.

The night began with going to this bar on Venice called Saints & Sinners. I got drunk real fast because people were showing up and we didn’t have all that much time. Two Jack and Cokes and I was feeling groovy. My teeth were smooth. That’s code for I am past drunk and on my way to being a stand up comedian. We went outside and got on a school bus. Yes. A school bus was there to drive our drunk asses around. While the bus warmed up my cousin grabbed me a small bottle of vodka from the liquor store. At this point I cant feel my hands and oxygen is as funny as Kevin Hart. As soon as we arrived I saw this cup shaped like a knights helmet and named it me Dranky Drank Cup. If I am drinking from this I stay away from open flames.

When you sit down they start bringing you drinks and food and beer that tastes like it was strained through a football players socks. I was so drunk already that I didn’t care what anything tasted like. I was ready to see some fools with swords beat the hell out of each other. When you are as drunk as I was this shit is real! When we saw our White Knight get knocked down I screamed in rage. Our knight ended up being one of the first ones to lose and that sucked because then I had to cheer for the other jerks. I still have my white flag by the way.

I’m so glad my cousin brought me here. I ended up being taken again for my birthday a few years ago and it was just as awesome. I had the Blue Knight this time and he got his ass beat. I would love to know what it is like to leave Medieval Times a winner. I bet it feels good. But still it was nice to be this drunk and hang with my cousin while watching grown ass men throw each other around in the dirt wearing hot ass costumes. Love you, cousin.