There was this girl I had a huge crush on named Patrell. She had a big ass head but I didn’t care. She was mildly attractive to other dudes on the street. But no one was fighting over her. In my head she liked me but couldn't figure out how to let me know.
Anyway, I thought I would prove to her how bad ass I was by sliding off my uncles doghouse. Yeah. Because drug addicts have been known for their amazing construction skills for centuries.
So, I climb up this sumbitch (no, not Patrell) and slid down...sorta. A huge fucking nail snagged my back pocket and ripped my pants past my belt loops.
She didn’t laugh or anything but I ran like The Flash all the way to my Grandmama's house with the back of my pants flapping in the breeze. Grandmama sewed them up and I was as good as new. But I had to dodge that girl for days. Which was hard because she lived like two houses down from my Grandmama.
I can run down a list of the stupid shit I did for girls. From drawings, to drama, to almost getting into fights with my own brother over one. That would've been fun. I don't know what it is but girls have always been able to get me to do shit I don't even want to do.
I'll go places, do things, and say things I don't want to. I have been forced into "I love you." I'm sure many people have. But as I was saying it I was thinking "Man, I cant wait till I actually mean this."
The silly shit has calmed down quite a bit. I have a pretty much set list of girls I have a crush on. All untouchable celebrities. I don't try to hook up with girls on the side and get numbers. Kinda hard in West Hollywood. But one thing I find very funny as I ride the 105 to my parents house is that there are a lot of girls on in L.A. I tend to forget that living where I do.
Would I be tempted to cheat if my living situation was different? No. I couldn’t imagine what it would take to impress a girl at the age of 32. Fuck sliding off a doghouse. I'd have to jump off a roof, do two back flips, and land holding roses in one hand and a wad of cash in the other. Which I could totally do except I can only do one back flip. But not really.
I think the strangest thing that a guy ever did to impress me was sending me a pineapple in the mail. Was I impressed? Hell yeah. We were boyfriend/girlfriend through letters and the occasional phone call, so we exchanged a lot of strange things in the post, but it was the pineapple made me realise it was love <3.
ReplyDeleteI actually feel sorry for guys trying to impress girls at any age. Several times I've seen a guy doing what I perceive to be everything right to get a girl's attention (talking to her for ages, being nice to her friends, asking her to dance, buying her a drink or two, not being pushy, introducing his passing friends to the group of girls the object of his affection is sitting with) only for him to get nowhere. When I ask my friends afterwards why they didn't give their number or threw his number away, I get reasons like 'he was wearing brown shoes'. There's nothing weirder than being a woman who doesn't understand other women.
Incidentally, pineapple boy dumped me for a Canadian clown. Okay, she wasn't a clown at the time, and is now a special needs teacher and a part-time clown. I never liked clowns anyway. Still, twenty years later when I'm in the supermarket and I see a particularly romantic pineapple in the fruit section, I think of my first love. <3
I dont know how far away pineapple dude was away from you, but I am shocked that it made it there okay. When I was dating the "Mexican Whore" she bought me a pear and I danced. It was a particular type of pear that I really liked. As you know I am very easy to impress or make happy.
ReplyDeleteI dont think I have ever asked a girl for their number whether I liked them or not. Social Asperger's keeps me from even thinking about it at the moment. "If they wanna talk they'll get around to it..." I think to myself. The only time I ever bought someone I didn't know a drink was because she was taking too long to order one so I did it. She thanked me and looked surprise when I said "No problem" and walked away.
I'm sorry but I laughed when I read about the clown. Most people dont like clowns and I think I'd hate them more after that.