Jeremy Renner Is Ruining My Life

The creepy, wall eyed son of a bitch Jeremy Renner is trying to single handedly ruin my movie going experience. I’m not kidding. This dude is to acting what Kim Kardashian is to porn. You hear how great they are until you actually see them. Have you seen him act? I saw The Hurt Locker. I want every second I spent watching that filmed abortion back. Now he’s going to ruin not one, not two, but three franchises! The Bourne movies, Mission Impossible, and The Avengers. Come on now! What’s the worst thing about all of this is that he’s going to play Hawkeye. And we all know that he sucks. Hawkeye is Marvel’s answer to Green Arrow who was created about 23 years prior. He shoots arrows and stuff. Some of them even have, like, stuff in them. As if that isn’t a big enough bite off of Green Arrow who dates a chick named Black Canary, Hawkeye married a dame named Mockingbird. In the new Avengers movie you will have Thor, a god of thunder. Iron Man who created a badass suit to fight crime. Captain American who survived being frozen for decades and came back to life to fight. The Incredible Hulk…who is played by Mark Ruffalo. He sucks too but this isn’t about him. And Black Widow played by ScarJo who thanked us for being fans by posing nude. What has Hawkeye given us? A lot of nuffin'. Renner showed up in Thor for a cup of coffee. For a guy playing a character who has the ability to shoot stuff good he didn’t shoot a damned thing. He was like “I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna totally arrow this guy!” I don’t know what the adjective or past tense of arrowing is. And “arrowing” is not a word, kids. But for reals, he didn’t shoot his arrow. And his bow is one of those crazy ass ones that you have to load like a musket. It takes forever. Please. Can someone stop Jeremy Renner from ruining my life? I’ll give you a high five.