Cool Shit Black People Invented: Joseph H. Dickinson

Once again I had a problem finding a picture of this weeks Cool Shit Black People Invented. This weeks invention is a good one by the way. Without it life as we know it would be completely different. I’m serious! If this guy hadn’t invented his invention parties as we know it wouldn’t exist.

Joseph H. Dickinson got the patent in 1819 for the record player arm. Now, I know a lot of younger readers are going “What the hell website have I stumbled onto where this Black dude talks shit to everyone and talks about fighting animals?” or “What is a record player?”

Allow me to teach your monkey ass about Joseph H. Dickinson.

A record player is this thing that used to be almost the size of your room that played albums. Picture big CD’s. Um…those silver things that you find in your parents room along with old porn. That’s a CD, or compact disc. Records were like those but bigger, blacker, and…ha! Oh, I just made myself laugh. They had two sides like cassette tapes--I am not gonna sit here and explain what a cassette tape is!

This is a record player arm, kids.

Before these existed I don’t know what the hell people did to listen to music besides go to live shows and have one person stand in the middle of a crowd and spin the record while some other person held a needle steady. Which sounds harder than watching Snooki dancing.

Know fear!!!

Its funny that years after Dickinson, or DJ Joe Dick, we are still using it. I went to a concert last month and the “DJ” was using his iTunes to play music. “Some people lip sync and that’s the same thing!” Fuck you. Its not. I can put a bunch of songs together and press a button. Its called The Ross Radio!

Hey, look! Black people creating more cool shit!

There is nothing that will ever replace a real live record player being played. That crackle as the album starts. Making sure no one gets too close and bumps it which would result in an extreme ass whipping. So everyone thank Joseph H. Dickinson for creating the second best thing about record players after the actual record!