Dante The Masculine Feminist

Lies. I’m one of the least masculine men ever. Some of you may be shocked to know this, but I am a huge feminist. I think that women and men are equal in every sense and a woman can be President of the United States. Well, that last part is mostly because I don't think fucking up for four years is a male exclusive activity. I have never walked around thinking that men were better than women because I give so much of the fact that I've never been arrested, don't have kids I don't take care of running around, or sitting around getting high and drunk all the time because of my grandmother's who were amazing women.

fem-uh-niz-uhm; noun: doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men. 

As some of you know I do a list on my other blog called Bad Mamma Jamma which covers cool and tough ass women in films. After a short amount of time I had run out of women that were bad ass which sucks because I love the ladies. You look at films and there is a huge shortage of women for girls to look up. I mean, you should be looking up to your mother or women in your life but as we all know…life if fucking ridiculous. Our mothers tend to do more harm than good or we learn by doing the opposite of them.

Ranking: Fucknuts. Proceed to next level.

When you think of what is considered strong women or girls in film there are two examples that people come up with. Each is based off a series of books and the movies have gone on to make all the money’s. First is Katniss from The Hunger Games. A film about a strong girl trying to survive having two guys want to bang her and she is having trouble picking between the two. Yeah, there is supposed to be a whole bunch of political issues and mythology and whatever horseshit you wanna trick yourself into thinking it is.

Bitch ate cupcakes and dreamed of boys as her mother and sister starved.

Its about a girl that a lot of guys want to fuck and as soon as she gets around guys she gets what my best friend Cam calls “Stupid Girl Syndrome.” Millions of girls think this girl is a strong role model. Millions of girls are wrong.

Next up is…ugh. Bella Swan from the Twilight movies. I have admitted to watching these films the same way a guy admits to being arrested to sexual assault in college. “No, wait! Let me explain! Please believe me! Please believe me!” It’s the story about a girl that likes two guys who want to bone her and she cant pick between the two. Wait. What?

Here she is waiting for Frankenstein to bone her.

Millions upon millions of girls have read these books and seen these movies and she has been presented as a strong role model for girls. Really?! What makes her a strong role model for girls? The fact that she leads two guys on? The fact that she would rather be half dead and lie to her father and friends than live a normal life? The fact that 98% of her life is almost getting killed and having some guy save her? Sounds pretty strong to me!

Just out of frame is a nude man.

If you’re over the age of 30 or a smart 20-something you had some pretty strong women to look up to. One of the main ones was Ripley from the Alien films. She didn’t run around waiting for some guy to save her ass. She ran around with guns heavier than your conscious after that trip to the strip club on your lunch break. And she was tough as hell!

This is the same face I make when you say you haven't seen this.

There have been some pretty tough as girls in films but the youth haven’t gotten behind them. One of them is Hanna. That was a great movie with a young girl that beat the shit out of grown men and could take care of herself no matter what situation she was in. I know some of you are thinking “What about the little girl from Let The Right One In?” to which I will say you didn’t pay attention to that movie.

When I was a kid I hoped to meet someone like Pippi Longstocking. That girl was a damned lunatic in all the good ways. She lived alone. She had a horse and a monkey. She could lift cars because fuck logic. She didn’t sit around waiting for some scrawny ass sissy boy to rescue her. She fought goddamn pirates while using a very creepy laugh! She was batshit crazy and I loved her! Her life was a fever dream where personal safety came a distant second to certain death. Don’t believe me? Here she is eating bologna sandwiches on a flying bed.

Her thoughts are circus music on a loop.

Are we going to have a generation of girls that think the only way to look strong is to have a man save you? Its bad enough that women have been fucking themselves up physically for years. Now we’re working on mental and emotional levels at even earlier ages. Used to be a girl would get into junior high to start realizing that her body wasn’t what guys wanted. Now its at the age of 6. Have you seen these children’s cartoons for girls? I have. Wait. That didn’t sound right.