I've compiled a list of the Five Things I Learned People Assume About Me based on my looks, the way I talk, or when first meeting me. There are a few more but these five are the ones that I've encountered the most in this strange but plain life. I decided to use covers from previous Rosscast Shows for this.
Dante Is Gay
Now this one has been around ever since I started going to school. I learned over time that one of the reasons that people have thought this is because I tend to react to a hot chick differently than most guys. I don't stare. If I see an attractive girl I see her, acknowledge her existence, and finish watching cartoons in my head. If a group of guys are standing around talking about what they'd do to her in bed and its time for me to say something it'll be “Remember on that cartoon COPS how Bulletproof got his body crushed by Turbo Two Tone in that car?”
Other things that have not helped is the fact that I paint my nails when I am bored. I have painted girlfriends and female friends nails, done hair, eyebrows, there's the whole Pretty Ricky thing, and talk almost exclusively with women. I can be friends with women and never make a move on them or even think of them sexually which makes for Interesting Moments In Social Asperger's when one would flirt with me. I've had quite a few female friends think that I was gay because I wouldn't even comment on how they looked. I have a lot of pretty friends but rarely feel the need to tell them how good they look which makes me look like a dick. Its easy for me to prove I'm not gay but not without ruining their relationships.
Dante Does Drugs
This one really started towards the end of junior high and not in school like you'd think. My mother thought I was on drugs for the longest time and in her mind it was confirmed when one of my brother's friends said “I saw Dante standing on Crenshaw smoking weed.” She gave me the “Ha! I knew it!” look and I just stood there probably looking like I was on drugs. I can see why she would think so in an after school special kinda way. I would come home, head straight to my room, close the door, and not be seen unless it was time to eat, shit, or shower. Plus I was only 150lbs. in school which was not a good look.
As an adult at different jobs people have thought that I was on speed because they would catch me in one of my too much sugar moments which to close friends know that it sounds like one of my “I'm gonna throw a fit!” times. Or they would think I was smoking weed because I appeared very laid back or spaced out depending on the job. For the record, I don't do drugs. I hate taking pills for aches and pains. But no matter how many times I say this people will always think I'm on something.
Dante Is An Only Child
This one is something I'm not quite sure how to take because when I typically think of someone that is an only child it means spoiled and used to getting everything they want. Some have told me that they think that I'm an only child because I am quiet but I think that most only children cant sit their asses down and are all “Me me me look look at me I'm here look look look!”
When I tell folks that I have four older brothers and one younger sister they are surprised. You would think that I was an only child since me and my brother that I went to school with would never talk or hang out or because I would rarely talk about my siblings to friends. It also probably has to do with the fact that you never hear me say “So yesterday me and my brother went to...” because that never happens. I haven't seen any of them in three years.
Dante Sells Drugs
This one comes from random White dudes on the street for the most part. I am just standing at a light hating society and some dude will come up and interrupt my listening to Metallica's Ride The Lightning when they will walk up and say “Got any weed, bro'?” I tell them that I do not and they kinda linger for a few more seconds, not moments, and give me a look as if I'm gonna give them some weed dealer high sign to meet me around the corner to give them drugs. If I were a criminal my life would be far more lucrative. Not from dealing drugs, but from rolling jackasses that think I'm holding.
Dante Is Angry
Its a daily struggle for me to keep my mood at “Okay.” I wouldn't say that I'm an angry guy but apparently my face betrays this. If I walked around smiling all the time you would probably get scared thinking that shit is about to go down. If you could glimpse my mind it seriously is filled with cartoons or thinking of what I'm going to write later. Sex only comes up when its introduced to me by a chick with an inch of her belly showing or nice legs and then Bugs Bunny shows up and I laugh inside and keep walking.
What bothers me most is when I am asked if I am angry and I say that I'm not and people keep asking me or telling me that I am until I actually get angry about it. If I tell you I am okay I am. Just the other day someone I barely know at work asked how I was and my response was “Shitty” because at that moment that's how I was. 9 times out of 10 if you ask how I am I will say “The same.” This means that no one is fucking with me at the moment and that I am working my way towards “Groovy.” That is a good feeling and the opposite of angry.
Click here for previous Five Things I Learned.
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