Sunday, February 2, 2014

Cool Shit Black People Invented: Garrett Morgan


Sometimes there is a man so great that he just throws the curve off so much that there's no damned way for anyone to try and keep up unless they invent time travel. This Black inventor Garrett Morgan decided that creating just one thing but at least three that helped change the course of history was not too big for him. Well, two changed history for the world. The other for Black people that hated having kinky ass hair.

Morgan was born in Paris, Kentucky to former slaves on my birthday...but 101 years earlier. At 14 he had to quit school to make money and moved to Ohio and looked for work, mostly as a handyman. Since he was a super genius he had enough money to hire himself a tutor. Later while working as a sewing machine repairman he created a belt fastener for sewing machines. He and his second wife ended up starting their own businesses called Morgan's Cut Rate Ladies Clothing Store.

Years later he created a safety hood after noticing that firefighters weren't that bright and kept running into burning buildings and just breathing in all kinds of nonsense. He tested and used this new invention that eventually was bought by and used by the Army during war. Sadly, since people were running on extreme levels of racism back then he'd hire a White actor to sell the product. How racist can you be when you even have a problem with the fact that this Black dude is saving thousands of lives? He would even sometimes pretend to be a Native American (his mother was half) and play a character named Big Chief Mason.

"Fffanks, Fffister Ffforfin!" (thanks, Mr. Morgan)

Near the time his patent for this was being approved he got bored waiting around and went and accidentally invented something else. While trying to make a liquid that would keep sewing needles from burning fabric he accidentally made a hair straightening cream. I don't even want to know how that happens. Seriously, what kinda wild and dangerous lab did this guy have? “Damn it! I can't get this liquid to...uh oh! Wait. Damn, baby! You mixed?” Instantly, new way for people to make their hair look all silky. And then for funsies he also made a curved hot comb and a oil dye specifically for Black hair.


And now for one of his best inventions. When cars were first created people didn't know what the fuck they were doing. Roads had people, cars, and horses just all over the place. Right of way, my ass. Traffic signals were already around but people paid just about as much attention to them as they do nowadays. So Morgan said “Enough of this shit!” and created a traffic sign that said stop, go, and all stop for pedestrians to cross. There was also a half mast setting so people knew when the jerk who was supposed to be manning the post was on break or off somewhere doing racist shit.


Why wasn't I taught this in school? Would it have been that hard in those twenty eight days to say to a young and still smart at the time little Dante “Not only did people who kinda sorta looked like you make peanut butter, the cotton gin, and get their asses kicked every single day, but they also created traffic signs and a product that would eventually lead to many Black women doing irreversible damage to their hair”? I would've listened. Or stared at Ruendy. Damn, I loved that girl.

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