Why Isn't Dante Dating? The Sequel

This is gonna be long and rambling. You have been warned. I first did a blog like this and about a month and a half later I ended up in a relationship. This isn't being written in the hopes of dating again. This is more to make me remember what happens in a relationship and keep me out of them. During my last relationship that was the shortest one I've had in my adult life there were a lot of ups and downs. The downs I will blame on the fact that I refuse to change my ways in terms of communication.

My last two relationships were long distance but with this one it wasn't so far that I couldn't travel. The fact that I even left the state surprised my friends because everyone knows that I just don't travel. I like where I am. When she came we were together all the time and when I visited her we were together all the time. And it was good. But the internet? Oh, the internet. Any time there was a problem it was during instant messaging. That stuff gives people the chance to be a different person and say things that they would never say to me over the phone or to my face.

That relationship lasted (including when we “broke up”) about five months. Honestly, the fact that we lived in different states made it easier to get over. That and the fact that almost every conversation over the internet ended with anger. One of my best friends asked me often if I was okay after the split and I told her that I was. I was mostly confused. Why? Because I was just being myself. There was nothing that I lied about but she didn't believe what I was saying or doing. One of the problems was the fact that I talk to a lot of women which is discussed in the first Why Isn't Dante Dating blog.

Another reason and its totally valid was that I don't have plans for my future. Well, at the time I didn't. I do now. But at the time I was just living my life, trying to make her happy when I could, helping out however I could, and just being me. When a kid is involved shit is different. I'd never done that before. I mean, I had been with people that had a kid or two but they were never around. But this time there was a kid and I was cool with it. It was a new thing for me but kids like me so it was fine.

I don't have kids of my own and probably never will. I've talked about it but that was with my last two girlfriends. But when I am with someone, and this came up in a discussion, and they have a kid there are things that need to happen. Right now I am not in the position to support a child. I'm barely getting by on my own and I'll be damned if I let a kid in my care starve. I also don't drive. The idea of raising a kid making enough for just Dante, not driving, not having a cell phone, and just flat out knowing that I can't have a kid now is bad all around. I have accepted this.

When I look back at previous relationships I try and think of if I ever tried to change things about them. If I wanted them to change it was usually their mood or talking to people that made them feel like shit. Otherwise I took them as they were until they started making me feel shitty. I've said before that I want someone that could be a tag team partner with me and sometimes it seems like we are. When I am getting my ass kicked I look to the corner and there they are, holding the rope, reaching for me. I get that hot tag and the crowd goes wild. Then here comes the heel turn. I'm using a lot of wrestling terms.

A few months after my last relationship ended I started liking someone else. Look, when I end up liking someone its a surprise to me. One part of my brain is like “Didn't you just go through this? Don't you remember how you felt after it ended? You didn't just lose a girlfriend, you lost a friend!” and the other is like “This chick is cool, funny, great to talk to and be around. And maybe if you're lucky you won't get slapped if you try and kiss her!” And I didn't. But it didn't work out. We didn't date. We don't really talk. It happened and ended but we're still cool. I mostly felt bad because I haven't kissed a lot of people and adding another name to that small list bugs me.

I went to the internets again to find some questions from dating sites to answer. So many were like the first batch I did so I eliminated them and answered the ones that were interesting to me. As of this writing, which is almost a year and two ladies later, I'm single and not even kinda close to dating anyone.

What kinds of things really make you laugh?

People falling. I know it sounds horrible but watching people fall or “fail” videos make me crack up. That and just conversations that start off somewhere else and the next thing you know things that shouldn't be funny end up making me crack up. A few weeks ago I lost my shit laughing at an eagle snatching a baby out of a park. Things you shouldn't laugh at make me laugh.

What’s your favorite place in the entire world?

Anywhere I am feeling good and around good people is my favorite place. I love being at home but there have been times where I am hanging with a friend and its my current favorite place to be. I've had moments at a concert where things were so perfect that I didn't want things to change. I've had my face buried in a chicks legs and that was my favorite place to be. My favorite place in the world changes.

Favorite movie of all time? Why so?

The Crow. When I first saw that movie it just made me feel different. I know people have far more popular, expensive, or life changing films that are their favorite. But for me its a movie about a guy that gets killed as his fiancee is raped and murdered and comes back to life for revenge. Not sure what that says about me.

What’s your biggest goal in life right now?

To support myself based solely on things I create. Like my writing. CLICK HERE to help with that! I wish I had started writing earlier in life and moving towards the goal of publishing. But I like podcasting, writing, drawing, talking, and watching movies. At some point I want to combine all of these things and create my own network.

What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday?

When you don't have a job every day is Saturday. It depends. When I am dating someone I like making breakfast and watching TV or talking in the morning. Maybe having the sex.

What was your family like growing up?

Loud. I grew up around loud people and fighting which is why I tend to be quiet and absolutely hate fighting or arguing. If you wanna argue about stuff I'm the wrong person. I will just walk away from you while you're still talking. My family isn't as close as it used to be. People splintered off. I'm not close to 99.9% of my family. I'm the strange one.

What do you see as the best way for a couple to resolve conflicts?

There are different things depending on what the conflict is about. There are some issues that can be resolved by just sitting your ass down and going “Look. We have to squash this shit right now or stop talking to each other.” Sometimes you just need a few hours away from each other. There's nothing worse than when you just need an hour or two to let shit settle down and think and someone is like “Tell me what's wrong!” Other times there's conflicts where you both just need to realize that you're poisoning each other and need to get away before you make each other too toxic for anyone else to even love you.

How would you describe your needs for affection in a relationship?

I need to feel like I'm special. I don't want who I am with to be as affectionate as with everyone else they know. They can't say they love everyone they know as much as they love me. Nope. I'm not saying that they can't love people that aren't me, but its nice to know you're special. I'm super touchy, too. Like, super touchy. Otherwise I don't like coming in contact with people for the most part. I have a few friends I hug but for the most part folks get handshakes or a nod.

How would you describe your needs for sex in a relationship?

Meh. Honestly, no woman can keep me based solely on sex. I tend to go without sex for two year intervals whether anyone wants to believe it or not. I had one ex that was a virgin when we met and broke up. Sex is awesome, don't get me wrong. But its not something that will make or break me. Wait. Let me rephrase that. If we start off having sex and then its taken away there's a problem. But if we start not having it and its consistent then I am fine with it. Also, if the sex is bad I won't hound you for it. Sex is as important as you make it. Being able to talk to you is more important to me.

What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?

What's on my mind. No one asks me what's on my mind. People ask me how I am feeling or what I am doing or up to. If you ask me what is on my mind there's gonna be a lot of answers or one really thoughtful response. That's why I write so much stuff like this. No one sits down with me and asks me questions like these. That's not to shit on the great conversations I have with friends. But no one asks me what's on my mind.

Did you—or do you—have a nickname? What’s the story behind it?

I have had a lot of nicknames growing up until adulthood. I'll try and list all of them. Double D, Barney, Bundy, Homer, D., DanTE, Ross, Ross-Ross, Boss, Dante Picante, Babe, Brown Bear, Sugie, Hambone, Baby Luther (Vandross), and The Dante. All the coolest ones I made up myself but none are listed above. The story is that people like calling me other names than my own.

Who was your favorite schoolteacher or college professor? Why?

My old art teacher Laurie Lombardi. Last time I checked she still teaches. She was this thin, red haired White lady that taught me an art technique that I still use until this day. She was patient with me which was nice in such a shitty school. She was just awesome.

What do you hate most about the dating process?

The part where people aren't honest about who they are good or bad. I'm aware that we're all fuck ups. I have heard people I dated tell me shit they did (or I later found out) that was just fucking terrible but I stuck with them. Just be honest. I try my best to be. I talk too much or not at all. I like myself so being alone doesn't bother me. I won't lie about what I have. I'll answer almost any question you ask me. I'm not someone who will go on a vacation with you. Okay, the part I hate most about dating is the same stuff I hate about making new friends. Its this shocked reaction to things about me. “You don't do drugs? Not even weed? You've never been arrested? You've never had kids? How can you live without a cell phone? How can you live in L.A and not drive?” People act more shocked that I don't drive than I am when they tell me they have had abortions or were arrested for assault. My reaction tends to be “Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...”

If you made it this far thanks for reading.