Boneless Dante

It started with a desire to be celibate and it started sliding towards asexuality. Some people think that these two things are the same but they really aren't. Right now I'm in the middle of these two which is honestly easier than I ever thought it would be. Asexuals are described as someone who has no sexual feelings or desires but can and will still do things considered romantic. Someone who is celibate chooses not to bone for religious or personal reasons. And by personal reasons I mean religious reasons. I'm kidding...but not.

There is nothing like being on the receiving end of no sex because of a man no one sees and I'm not talking about an absentee father. There is no way to win that fight without someone making a significant life change or ending up on someone's biblical shit list. Here is part of what got me writing about this.

Beastman: Dante, Obama is not going to GET you Rosario Dawson no matter how much you protest in front of the federal building.

Dante: That's so 2012. I have moved on past her after her last relationship.

Beastman: Who's the belle du jour now?

Dante: No one. I'm on that asexual thing now. So stress free.

Beastman: You got to write an article on that. That seems so alien to me. Things like, how do you turn it off, you know what I mean? You meet or see a girl you like and your mind starts going there. Do you turn that part of your brain off? Or is it awkward being around people the exact opposite of that?

To answer the questions, logic will turn off almost any emotion. When you start thinking of all the chemicals and such in our bodies and brain that make someone attractive it tends to remove the romanticism of anything. Still, some things will break through and that's when logic helps out. “Do I like her? Why? What are the chances that we won't be talking after a few months?” As for being around people who think the opposite, that's most of my life. I don't have many people in my life that agree with me or my lifestyle. I don't smoke weed but I can hang with a stoner. I don't drink often but I can hang with an alcoholic. I don't have kids but I can hang with parents. I don't have sex but I can hang with a nympho.  

Now, for me to be celibate is not a difficult thing. Look at my lifestyle. I barely leave the house. I hate talking to strangers. I barely have any friends. “But you talk to almost nothing but women! Gotcha!” True. I'd say that 95% of the people I talk to are women but it helps when you're absolutely not their type. Mentally I'm an 80 year old man just sick of everything with the hobbies of a 15 year old girl. You will never see me at a strip club but I've seen every episode of Sex & The City and watched every Twilight film. I'm into arts and craft. Talking for hours.

But then I have a dick.

No matter how hard I try to ignore it, its there just being a problem. The celibate thing, like I said, is not difficult. I have had sex and while it can be fun (or nerve-wracking as shit) I go without it for years at a time. There seems to be a two year gap between me having sex with folks. During those two years it isn't as if I sit around going “Damn, I wish I had someone to have sex with!” It's more like “Hmm. Horny. Better knock one out.” Then I'm good. “But what if someone makes a move on you?” That has happened and I shut it down. Why?

Drama.

Sex brings drama no matter how hard you try to avoid it. So choosing to not have it is fine. Now for the asexual bit I also have to mention drama. I have lots of female friends and chicks I talk to. I haven't had sex with them and chances are it'll never happen. Know why? Because I don't talk to anyone I have had sex with! I like having my friends and for some reason when I have sex with people we end up not talking anymore.

I still find women attractive. That isn't gonna change. I even like some of them. But that is where it ends. The perfect combination of it not happening/can't happen/shouldn't happen makes it simple for me to sit here and say that I'm not boning anyone. I don't want this to come across as me bashing women. That isn't what this is about. But I bet that if you, man or woman, sat down and thought about the most productive times in your life chances are they involved doing anything but thinking about or having sex.

When I have been asked how important sex was in a relationship I always said “Not very.” Maybe that's just me. I've never been accused of being normal. I believe that if you are in a relationship and one of you puts far more emphasis on having sex than the other or you just flat out don't want it or your partner doesn't then no one is having sex. No one wants a pity fuck. Go read a book or knock one out in the bathroom. It'll clear your head and you can think about more important things like what to have for dinner.