Don't Matter Just Don't Bite It

Quinno sent me this damned story earlier and all I said was “Nope.” A guy in Oklahoma almost lost his penis after his girlfriend, 31 year old Amber Ellis, tried to bite the damned thing off. This is another one of those stories that proves that women don't fight fair and take things to an 11 when a 4 is appropriate. After spending a night getting their drank on they ended up in an argument. By the way: if I am drinking and get into an argument I don't drink with that person ever again. 

While he was sleeping on the couch because that is where guys go after fights with women they wanna fuck later he woke up to having his dick treated like a chew toy. Somehow in this process she also hit him in the head with a laptop. Don't look at me. I don't know either. The reason they fought? He accused her of being too needy. He went to the hospital and got multiple stitches to fix his junk as well as being treated for injuries to his head (both of 'em), neck, face, and knee. That girl went bananas on his ass! Ellis was booked on charges of maiming as well as assault with a deadly weapon. Do they mean the laptop or her teeth? She is being held on $45,000 on each count which doing my LAUSD math means...millions.