Kids These Days 70

These are the kind of stories that just piss me off. Not at the kids involved so much as the parents of these kids. A 13 year old girl in some part of Scotland that sounds like the type of place you'd make up to sound Scottish got wrecked because she drank too many energy drinks. Her name is Caitlin Fraser and she loved to pound down two Emerge energy drinks a day at school because school is hard and you have to be sure that you are awake and alert...in case a shooter shows up. I know how kids are these days.

She left class to go do something for her teacher and she says she started to feel numb on the right side of her face. A few minutes later she says her hands started going blue and the right side of her body did the Truffle Shuffle and stopped working. “The right side of my face dropped and I was wondering what was going on then two minutes later my full right side had dropped and I had no sensation down my right side. I was really scared, my friends then told the teacher who went and got a first aider and the school contacted my mum and dad and then phoned an ambulance.”

She continued with an accent saying “I was given a CT scan, an ECG, I had my blood tested and a chest X-ray. Later that afternoon, I was transferred in an ambulance to Wishaw General Hospital, I had no idea what was happening and was very worried, I didn't really know what to think. I had lots more tests and now I have been diagnosed with sporadic Hemiplegic Migraine. On my results it came back that it could have been too much caffeine. I used to buy this drink Emerge every day at lunch from the ice cream van which is parked outside school and some shops in the street. The doctors and consultant said if I drink this again I could end up having a cardiac arrest. I just want to make people aware of what happened to me, yes it's very rare, but it can happen to you.”

I looked up this drink she was having called Emerge. It has 75 mg of caffeine per can. A can of Coke has 23 to 35 mg. That is a lot of damned caffeine for a tiny, human body to consume twice a damned day. When I was little me an my cousins would get twin hype on my Grandpa's coffee in the morning. Why? Because we wanted to experience the fifth dimension during school. In my early 20's I would have energy drinks just to keep my fat ass conscious at the counter while selling porn at 6am. So I get it to an extent. Energy is fun. But doing it twice a day every day? Nah.

Her mother Laura Fraser thinks that shops should think before selling this Jesus Juice to children.“I am not saying that the drinks are entirely responsible but I do think that they are not for children” she said with an accent. “I know that hundreds of the kids at Caitlin's school buy these drinks regularly, they are freely available and cheap and marketed to be colorful and energy packed. My preference would be for her to drink water but what can you do? You can't be with them 24-hours-a-day. It would be better for shops to put an age limit on selling these drinks to prevent young people from getting their hands on them.” Yeah, but no. Water don't give energy or taste like awesome fruits and shit.

I love how parents always go to the “they make things colorful and aim it at children” route. That shit is old. They make pink shit and aim it at girls and blue ones for boys. You still have a choice and say in the matter whether you buy it or not. You can be weird as fuck and let your adopted Black son wear a pink tutu and barrettes in his hair like Charlize Theron. Have you seen that shit? That kid obviously doesn't go to public school. I would ask this girl why she drinks these drinks so often. Is it the taste? Is she actually that tired? Isn't there another drink she could get that taste similar? Does she have a death wish?! Either way now her mother is banning her from drinking this shit anymore.

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