My Current Jam: Tabria Majors

When you say someone is a BBW that second B is real important. There are too many BW's adding that extra B when they don't deserve it. That's right, I said it. I first spotted Tabria Majors on TMZ for some Sports Illustrated photo shoot because I don't think anyone reads that shit for actual sports anymore. Anyhoot, this chick is cute as fuck. I need to do another post explaining what the hell that term even means. Like, she is so cute I don't wanna touch her. She's like one of those cakes with all that pretty shit on it. You just wanna stare at it because its too pretty to ruin. If I was dating her I wouldn't want her parents to know that I was having the sex with her. Just apologize to her father every time I met him.

Just Talking With Dante Episode 25

Jasmine is back! In this episode we talk about our Fat Tour of the day, “reintimidate” the sound of an old lady which makes Jasmine lose her mind, how I can not say the word “orange” properly, we list the reasons why we could not be in jail, Jasmine breaks down what prisons do not have, how long it'd take me to sleep with an ugly prison guard, discuss white draws, getting attacked for jerking it, I explain how I'd breeze through solitary confinement, we discuss Black Mirror a bit, talk Rob Kardashian/Blac Chyna drama, Beyonce babies, and why I want to join R. Kelly's cult. Click here for previous Just Talking With Dante.

Kids These Days 73

I have written about candy from my childhood before (click here to check that out). This time I am going to write about some more. One of them I forgot existed for good reasons because it tasted like Satan's pantyline. When I think of my childhood and all the candy I consumed it is shocking that I'm not 300 pounds and the owner of all the diabetes. There are enough candies that have been discontinued for whatever reasons. They probably caused long since gone diseases or something. Who knows? Either way I still want 'em back. Mostly. 

Cherry Clan. Nothing like good ol' fashioned racist candy, right? These were fucking delicious. Of course they could never release something like this with that packaging even if they changed it because of old assholes like me. This was in the same family of candy as Lemon Heads, Johnny Apple Treats, and Alexander The Grape. Yes, these were all candies that once existed and you won't get to try unless you like in Bumfuck, Tennessee or buy them off of eBay and I assure you they'll be covered in dust and those diseases that no longer exist I mentioned. 

Just thinking off these is making my mouth water. I'm not sure what they were coated in but your hand would be deep red which was kinda cool because it was like having extra candy when you licked your hand clean. We didn't wash our hands in the 80's which we all know is the cause of AIDS. Its science. It didn't really taste like cherry so much as, well, sugar. It was white on the inside just like the candies I mentioned above and colored on the outside. Top ten no longer around candies.