When Your Kid Won't Leave

I do not have kids. But I used to be one. And one thing that I know was that I wanted to move away from my parents as soon as I could. Did I try hard? No. I should have gotten a job in junior high and/or high school. I should have made a plan. But I didn't. I planned on vanishing after school and just wandering the planet until I landed in Japan. Thankfully when I was 18 I got a job and was able to move into my ex's home with her family and after being booted with no backup place to live I got the place I've been living in for 19 years now. But while living with my ex and her family I cleaned every day, took out trash, helped with laundry, cleaned litter boxes, walked the dog, and other things. I offered to pay rent but that was turned down. I have been super unemployed with only thirty-five cents to my name at one point in time. I'm saying all this to say that shit can get rough. I don't have a family that can throw thousands of dollars at me to dig me out of a hole and I'll be damned if I ever move back in with them.

30 year old Michael Rotondo does not feel the same way as me.

About eight years ago he lived in his own place for a year and a half and during that time he used his penis irresponsibly and helped create a human. He ended up losing his job and moved back in with his parents. Understandable. He was previously working at Best Buy but quit after refusing to work Saturdays because that is when he'd get to see his kid. He also sued for discrimination. Of course he did not win. He also went to community college to study engineering but quit when he “couldn't hack the math.” There is a term being tossed around called “failure to launch syndrome” that is running wild like Hulkamania for a number of different reasons.

“According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly one in three millennials are living with their parents - a situation that has coined it's own term, 'failure to launch.'Failure to launch isn't a diagnosable mental health illness, but it describes a commonality among millenials who find it hard to start their adult lives. There are many reasons why this happens, from economic reasons to poor work ethic and low self-esteem. Failure to launch appears to impact men more than women, many of whom are not taught the sort of skills needed to live alone - such as cooking, cleaning and laundry. In extreme cases, children can become depressed and start abusing drugs and alcohol if they find a lack of job prospects and continue to have to live at home. This can make it even harder for them to fly the coop in the end.”

Sounds to me like a ain't shit kid became an ain't shit adult to me. But allow me to continue. This is not just a millennial issue because I have known people like this my entire life. They just never left the house even after their parents died. But I digress. Over the past three months Michael's parents, Christina and Mark Rotondo have written five notices asking/telling their son to move. He just ignored them until eventually they had to take him to court. After court Michael and his lawyer said that his parents never gave him a reason why he was being kicked out and did not give him enough time to find a new place. I say they gave him over ten years to find his own place.

Michael says that during the eight years he was staying with his parents, meaning from the age of 22 to now 30, that he “has never been expected to contribute to household expenses, or assisted with chores and the maintenance of the premises, and claims that this is simply a component of his living agreement.” Balls. Big balls. He now says that he does not have enough money to buy moving boxes and must be out of the house by June 1st. “I need to start packing my boxes so I can move. But I have to pay for the boxes, which might be a problem.” At what point as a parent do you just lose all your shit? At what point as a human that is not a child do you think “You know, maybe I need to get my shit together?”

If he is not gone when he is supposed to next month police will remove him. “I really don't understand how that's necessary. I'm aware that that's how the ax falls. I'm going to try to resolve this as civilly as possible.” Nah. Your parents tried that and failed. At any point during the last eight years he could have improved his situation at home without even having a job. Just being useful is amazing! A pizza place that just wants advertising so I won't even mention their name wants to bring him on board with a “signing bonus” of $1,101 which is a buck more than his parents tried to give him to get the fuck out.

As much as Michael tries to keep low key shit gets out. He lost custody of his kid back in September. No explanation is given. The kid now lives with his mom who Michael is not in a relationship with nor has ever been. He states that he filed an appeal as a “poor person” which I've never heard of. I looked it up for a moment and it is pretty much stating legally that you can not afford shit. He did it so his court fees could be waived. He says his parents screwed things up by saying he needed a job and health insurance if he was gonna keep staying with them. They offered to get him insurance but he refused saying that would mess up his poor person standing. He says his job at the moment is getting his son back. That would be cool if this were an 80's movie.

Now that this chapter of his life is coming to a close Michael is choosing to stay classy. “I just think that when you attack someone you love. I don't think good people do that. We didn't talk before, we don't talk now. It's not much different. The only thing that we really deal with now is them trying to get me out. And myself saying I don't think it's really fair I have to all of a sudden be without a place to live.” They cut off his telephone. They stopped feeding him. They told him he couldn't use their laundry machines. They pretty much did everything other than the latest term abortion in history to let this guy know he was not wanted in their home anymore!

You are allowed to feel bad for this guy. Of course you are. I feel bad for his parents. They must look at the literal mess they made and wonder what happened. No one wants their kid to grow up to be a single kinda father who lives at home with them and has to be taken to court to be evicted. They probably want to enjoy coming home without this grown ass man there not cleaning and waiting for dinner to be served. I'm not knocking adults that still live at home for whatever reason you have. I personally could not do anything I enjoy if I lived with my parents. Nothing. I'd be a miserable shit. I also know that just because someone is your parent they do not have to take care of you. I would never describe my childhood at home as loving between me and my parents which is why I have said that I'd put them in a nursing home like those you see on 20/20 specials. Just figure out how you got to the point you're at and attempt never to let it happen again.

But if you do live with your parents and you are a grown up you need to thank them every single day in some way. You do not get to complain about being asked or told to clean up, cook, shop, or nothing because they are putting a roof over your not wanting to move out ass head. Or just don't fuck with them by doing things like having kids and suing jobs for making you work Saturdays. My situation was a combination of luck and a level of stubborn you have never seen before. I was homeless for one day and thought “Well, crime is always an option, right?” I refused to move back in with my parents because I knew that within a year I likely would have killed myself. There are some environments that are not good for a Dante. That is one. If you are with your parents you need to be doing everything to make their life as easy as possible because when they kick the bucket shit will get way squirrely. Or...you can just for a moment put yourself in their shoes and imagine how it feels. Yeah. You could do that, too.