How Not To Make A Baby

When I first heard this story from Cam I hoped it was fake. I have checked multiple sites and so far it is coming up Milhouse so I decided to write about it. A couple in China were struggling to have a baby after trying for four years of their marriage. The guy was 26 and the lady 24. Young adults. Pretty much toddlers. Their family was all over them because they had not had a kid yet. They went to a doctor to figure out what the deal was and it turns out that they were doing it wrong. Like, way wrong. They were having butt sex to conceive a child. Yeah. Even as I write this I am hoping that this is fake and that someone, let alone two people, do not think that anal sex is how a baby is made.

An obstetrician named Liu Hongmei was told by the wife that sex was painful and worried she may have a disease. The doctor using science determined that the wife was still a virgin and gave them some sex education handbook probably called “Sex For Dummies.” A few months later she got pregnant and they sent her a few chickens and eggs to thank her. It seems that this not knowing how to bone down properly is an actual thing. Sex ain't talked about that way and students have held protests demanding that they get the proper education. Here my whole thing. I knew how to have sex over a decade before it happened. I got a cousin that is equal in intelligence to a wombat that somehow has two kids. He figured that shit out. I don't know how you can have sex with someone for four years and not accidentally knock on the wrong door.

When I first read this story I said that I did not want two people that did not know how to have sex properly to have a kid or the husband was a sneaky freak. You can not keep kicking down someone's backdoor for four years and not stop and think “Maybe we should try that other location nearby?” He tried to get into his house by climbing through the doggie door and they wondered why things were not working out. I hope he was just being a dirtbag and really didn't think that kids were created through the butt.

If you are sensitive you should stop reading right now.

Butt sex ain't all that great. It's one of those things that you see in porn and think “Holy shit, I need to try that!” or it is something you hope to get on your wedding anniversary. I think that's how that works. Ask me why I'm single. I tried it and thought “I never need to do this ever again.” I could not imagine doing that for four years and thinking a human baby was gonna happen. I also can't imagine what that poor wife's assbutt looks like after that much time having exclusive booty love. Probably an exploded watermelon. You can not have someone Kool Aid Man-ing your behind for that long. New rule: if you don't know how to make a baby you don't get to have a baby.