Dantania Holiday Tips

It seems like lately I've been hearing a lot more about mental health and self care. Yeah. Been hearing a lot about it but not seeing it in action. That's a thing that is more prevalent today more than it used to be because with things like the internet we have the ability to appear smarter, better, and more relaxed than we actually are. I have been described by people as relaxed but I would never use that word to describe myself. I tend to expect stupid things to happen at any moment so when something does occur it is not so much as “Holy shit what happened?!” as it is “Yeah, that was about due.” Plus I have a tendency to not care far more than I should about most things.

During the holidays people get stressed out for a lot of reasons. They spend a lot of money on gifts. They have to spend time with their family. They have to travel. They are lonely because they have no one to spend the holiday with. Whatever your reason, I am gonna give you some tips on how to get through not just this time of year but regular ass stress that you can avoid by being like me. And by being like me I mean being less social. Kidding. But not at all. I'm also gonna talk about ways to avoid conflicts if you do choose to spend time with folks or have no choice.

Don't Talk About Politics. This should be a year round thing but with the way things are going people jump online, read an article, and the next thing you know their page is flooded with other people's opinions about who is running things and none of their own. That's bad. What is worse is when they decide to talk about this shit at gatherings. There is no best case scenario for this. On one hand they will disagree with your views and you end up mad with a story to share at a later date when people are talking about how much fun they had during the gathering while you sat there trying to convince someone that you barely talk to that their way of thinking is wrong.

On the other hand you may end up in an echo chamber. I hate echo chambers. You get a group of like minded folks together that have no real opinion other than what they read at the site they know caters to them and regurgitate it to people around you who think the same. It becomes this odd circle jerk of agreeance where nothing is really learned except you all think alike. Yay. It is not fun to hear either one of these conversations and if at a party or dinner the most you can talk about is politics then you are a wack-not-fun person. I have spent more time talking about donuts with people than any form of politics. Know why? Because donuts are delicious. Politics ain't. There are entire articles dedicated to this one topic that is so easy to not talk about if you have at least two other things going on in your life.

Weigh The Pros & Cons. If you are invited to a gathering and know that someone you don't get along with will be there you should probably stay home. “But I was invited and I'm not gonna let someone else ruin my good time!” Yeah. But you are. And you will. When you are heading there you will be getting pre-mad. Getting ready for a fight that may not even happen because you know what happened the last time you saw them. Fuck the chance that they may feel different or may not even be thinking about you or what happened. You're gonna walk in with a big ass chip on your shoulder and ready for a fight. Stay home. We are on this planet for 60 years if we are lucky and have all our limbs and our wits about us. Don't waste it on going places already mad.

I have dodged dozens of family gatherings because I was tired of answering the same questions from people I would see once or twice a year. Yeah, I am single. No, I do not have kids yet. Yes, I work a few months a year. No, I'm not on drugs. Yes, I still do not have a cell phone. Plus the family I liked most were dead so that seriously cut back on visits. But me knowing me and how things would go I would just stay home and enjoy my own time alone. I also liked not having to have the fact that I weighed too much or too little or why my voice sounds the way it does. I grew up around y'all! I have a 90/10 thing when it comes to making most decisions. If there is a more than 10% chance I'm gonna have a bad time I'm staying my ass at home and chances are I didn't miss anything.

Be Prepared. Before the holiday season even starts I get ready for it. I'm not buying gifts for most folks. I just give things to people throughout the year and wish them well. When the holidays start with Halloween I'm set. Not going to the parade. Thanksgiving comes and either I am staying home and eating or like this year get invited to a nice, calm evening at someone's place. What I'm saying is the holidays are not new to me. They're not new to you either. You know that the malls get crazy. You know that people get crazier. So you should know to either try to beat the crazy by getting things taken care of early or, you know, not participating in the chaos.

I always say that certain things are only as important as you make them. This goes with sex, careers, and most adult things in life. If you make the holidays this crazy ass thing that happens at the end of the year where you have way less money and have to see people you don't seriously want to then that's all on you. If you're over 30 and still mad that you have to see your parents you better be living with them. You are making a decision to be upset at that point. I feel that we forget how much power we have in ourselves to be calm and happy. We feel like we are that the mercy of our environments when in reality we have the ability to alter our environment at least mentally that will make things way easier to deal with. There is a quote from Duncan Trussell that I love where he says “If you have dog shit on your shoe, everywhere you go smells like shit.”

Actually Take Care Of Yourself. I'm not talking about taking an hour to sit and read a nice book or listening to a few songs you like. I mean turning your fucking phone off and being by yourself for hours if you can or a day at best. Just taking it all in and reflecting on yourself and how you really feel. I do this far too much. Not in a bragging way. I just have more time alone than most people. Folks that don't have the ability to chill the fuck out are the ones that have a tendency to snap on folks. You think it would be the opposite and that the ones that bottle it all in are the ones that'll snap. If you are on edge and nervous all the time this time of year and how you handle it, if you're handling it badly, does you no favors.

I know that everyone starts to set up their New Year's Resolutions around this time. Lose weight. Better job. More time to themselves. That me time stuff. Eating better. Saving money. Travel more. Do that stuff for sure. But also realize that you can start doing that stuff earlier in the year. You don't have to wait until the year has a different name to begin making changes in your life. I love that more people are talking about mental health and taking better care in that way but hope that at least half that are talking about it are really doing it. Christmas is two weeks away and so far I am not stressing the shit. Maybe I'll get a gift. Maybe I'll give one. Who knows? Just try your best to be nice, get places early, and hang out with people you actually like. It's not as hard as it sounds.