By now I think everyone has heard of
the Human Barbie whose real name is Valeria Valeryevna Lukyanova. I
have seen a Vice special about her and the pictures of her do not
even begin to compare to seeing her moving and speaking. It seriously
creeped me right the fuck out. Recently she posted a picture of
herself without all the crazy makeup on and I was surprised at how
normal she looked. I was just talking to someone the other day about
how unfair it is that women can change their entire appearance and it
is totally normal whereas if I showed up to meet someone and had a
pony tail, colored lips, and my face was four shades lighter than the
rest of my body they would be worried. “Dante, are you?” Of
course! I just felt like being pretty.
Valeria says that the only surgery that
she has had was on her breasts. Everything else is natural. I didn't
believe her until I saw her without makeup. Now I believe her. A few
months ago she said that she was going to stop eating food and
drinking water and attempt to live on light and air. This is a real
ting called Breatharianism where people believe that they can live
off of a vital Hindu life force. Before you ask, yes, people have
died trying to do this shit. “I'm gonna wake up and have a giant
glass of sunshine! Mmm! Delicious!” Stop that, people. I wish I
could feed off of electricity. Like, just stick my finger into a
socket and get full of nutrients and not death. That would be cool.
For any woman out there trying to look like this chick, don't. I've
never wanted to run my fingers over a chick's ab riddled stomach.
Yeah. Let the women of the world base their body shapes and lifestyle
on what I want. Every woman would wear red draws.
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