This is something I've been thinking
about for a while after my last few relationships. I've not been in
many as I tend to date someone for a couple of years and afterward
stay single for an extended amount of time. The last time I was with
someone it lasted less than a month and before that it was in 2013
and that last five months. Before that it was lasting for years each
time. That is a little backstory. To go into even further detail just
so you know a bit about these previous relationships the races have
varied, their heights, weights, origins, occupations, and behaviors.
The only thing I can say they all had in common was that they were
nice at one point and we could talk.
I decided to create these New
Dating/Relationship Rules because people keep tripping and not being
honest. Or people are afraid to ask these questions which sucks
because it would save a lot of time and heartbreak. These are
questions that are acceptable between the first and third date. Skip
talking about boring shit like politics and religion. That stuff is
important in gathering crazy level data but that is long term
thinking. You gotta ask these questions before you get them draws.
What Medication Are You On?
So important! You may not think so but
I got some science and shit to back this one up. There is an
estimated 326 million people in this country. You can't even picture
that amount of people so stop trying. And out of those 326 million
there are 119 million that admit that they are on medication. Ages 12
and up are included in this. And out of those 119 million about 19 million admit to
abusing drugs by taking too many or using drugs that don't belong to
them. I'm gonna personally bump that shit up to 50 million because
there are a lot of you running around doped up and not admitting it.
If I am dating someone I wanna know what to expect. I don't want to
wake up with them standing over me holding a knife with their eyes
closed or go to get breakfast and it turned out that they cooked a
Thanksgiving dinner in their sleep. This is for real shit by the way.
You should head into relationships with
full disclosure. At least I've treated it that way. No one I have
ever dated could say “He was fine until I found out about that!”
Biggest complaint from two was that I have too many chick friends and
think I've fucked them. Nope. Some of the others just had men and
trust issues that I was not willing to deal with anymore. And one I
suspect was on medication and hiding it or needed it. I am hoping it
was the first because that bitch would flip suddenly. I am not
vilifying anyone that is taking medicine they need to not kill
themselves or anyone else. Just let me know.
When Was The Last Time You Had Sex?
Not how big the dick was or anything
specific like that. But when was the last time you fucked someone. I
know it sounds like a very personal question, but come the hell on.
This is someone you may be having the sex with and I don't know about
you, but I don't want to jump in right after someone else just left.
Let the room air out some. In my 20's? Him no care. I was a manwhore.
But as an old ass man I care because booty cooties are real and some
people just give it up way too easy to the wrong people. Treat your
draws like your house. You don't just let anyone in, right?
Plus I need to know that you don't have
a lot of options. Sorry, but its the truth. I want to know that if
this don't work that you can't just make a call and get some ass
elsewhere from a friend (meaning ex boyfriend). Not to say that I
don't trust an ex boyfriend talking to who I am seeing but I need to
meet him at some point and size his ass up...to see if we look
similar.
Why Do Your Relationships End?
I have been warned early in some
relationships why it would end and sure enough that's what happened.
The last girl I saw laid it all out, lets say in three steps. I got
away at step two because step three would've ended with one of us in
jail. There's a story attached to that last sentence. Let's just say
I have never been arrested. If you say your relationships end because
your last boyfriend never wanted to go out then I wont waste your
time. If he didn't get along with his family I'll excuse myself. If
it was because he didn't fight/argue with you then I am definitely
the wrong guy and wasting both of our time.
I'm not gonna sit here and act like I'm
completely innocent in why my relationships have ended. I'm not
perfect yet I am simultaneously the greatest man that ever lived. Its
weird. I can say that a couple ended because of miscommunication. Sometimes I spend time trying to figure out why someone is upset instead of just asking. One
because of Jesus' punk ass. Another because of distance. I won't go
further than that because then I am in my 20's and don't know shit
about shit compared to now. I just want to know if there is some
consistency to why they ended and compare myself to them. This goes
for friends too. If all your friendships ended because they used,
betrayal, or a huge fight then chances are the problem may be you.
How Do You Handle Stress?
This one is probably the most
important. I can not deal with people that freak out over small
things. I also don't want to be around someone that thinks that
taking a swing at me is a good idea. Its not ever a good idea. How
you handle stress says a lot about you as a person and I don't think
people realize it. Do you storm off when someone disagrees with you?
Do you start off shouting? Do you get upset and go drinking? Do you
divert the conversation and bring up things from previous fights? Do
you get high to avoid solving a problem?
I handle stress by trying to figure out
what is stressing me out as quickly as possible. Know why? Because
stressing out sucks and ruins my day. I don't want to come home to
someone that stresses me out and I hope they feel the same way. I was
in a relationship years ago where I dreaded coming home because after
spending the day at a shitty job moving dead bodies I was going to
have to deal with bullshit. I had no place to not be stressed except
the ride to and from work. And I was miserable. I was not good
creatively or as a friend to people during that time because I
couldn't get leveled. No one wants to be stressed out but sometimes
we grew up that way and start to think that's a normal way to live.
Its not and its also the cause of your heart getting so stressed out
that it explodes out of your chest at young ages.
3 comments:
Hell Yeah! Black Power.
I never realized there are actual living, breathing men out there (with a pulse) who have this type of insight. Quick, ladies, let's jump him so we can clone his DNA before he gets away!
I really think a lot of guys think the way I do but keep quiet because saying this kind of stuff chases women away. I'm proof of that.
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