Five Things I Learned Being A Custodian

Its been two years and just into my third year as a custodian. Or janitor. I'm not really sure of the difference. Let me look. “The main difference between a janitor and a custodian is that a custodian has a broader role that includes maintenance and facility management, while a janitor's role is primarily focused on cleaning.” Damn. Guess I am a custodian. You may wonder how someone who has had my weird ass work history became a custodian. I have worked I have moved dead bodies, assistant editing, reality TV, behind a register, transcribing, reading scripts, working in a mail room, porn shop, and cleaning hospitals, and pet stores. If I looked at this from the outside I would say “That guy is pretty well rounded!” or “That man has no sense of direction.”

Both are true.

I just do things. I ended up doing this because one day while sitting at home all poor and being turned down for even dish washing jobs (because now jobs like to combine things and dish washer is also waiter and helping food prep in the back) when my best friend asked me a simple question one day. “What do you want to do?” I replied “Clean and be left alone.” She then said “Why don't you apply for a janitor job?” I looked at the camera in my TV in my head and made a weird face as the scene faded into a commercial break to comedy music. I enjoy cleaning. I clean every day when I am at home and chances are if I visit you I'm gonna end up cleaning something. I can not relax around a mess and if you have a sink full of dishes or clothes on the floor I feel antsy as shit. I wasn't always this way though. Until I turned 9 I was a funky little dirt bomb.

In this post I am gonna talk about the Five Things I Learned Being A Custodian. Now, as always with anything in this reality it may be different than what you have experienced. The crazy thing about all of this is that my father was a custodian for decades and it never crossed my mind to apply for a job as one.

You Need Zero Experience

I applied by posting my resume online and the job I ended up getting found me, not the other way around. The first interview was with Inglewood which I am nowhere near. The interview was weird and they asked pretty much the same questions at all of them. They wanna know that if a teacher disagrees with you that you're not gonna act like a damned idiot. Now, many people will say “I know how to control my temper.” No, you don't. I know people who think they are nice and peaceful until they get behind the wheel of a car or something inconveniences them. They turn into monsters. The key is to be one of those types that can appear quiet on the outside, say yes, and complain about it later.

I think other than that you need a basic work ethic. I have only “tried hard” at my job during two shifts. One was to see how fast I could finish the job and the other was cause my cousin was visiting and I needed to leave early and didn't trust my co-workers to finish the job for me. If you can walk into a room and see its dirty and make up your mind that you can make it clean within your shift then you are in the right field. I am considered by many to be the best custodian at my school (this is a high school by the way) and the job is not hard. Hard is not a word I would use. Aggravating. Confusing. That is what I would say. I tend to spend the day sweating and baffled by the messes people make and leave. You don't have to have years experience working at other schools or cleaning to know when something is dirty and cleaning it up.

People Are Messier Than You Think

I have admin and teachers complain about how messy the kids are not knowing or realizing that I clean up after them as well. There are grown adults allergic to flushing toilets. They will drop food, look at it, then walk away. They will cause a huge mess and report it as if you just straight up forgot to do your job and its been there for days. This is where the temper controlling comes in. I also know three people that work in schools in varying capacities and they have custodians that do not do their job and somehow do not get fired. I'll talk about that later.

Kids...yeah. I don't know what you parents are teaching them about picking up after themselves but they did not hear you. Ever. On a daily basis I will see a table and floor that appears to have been ransacked by a wild goat out for revenge. If you have ever eaten out with me you will see stacked plates and any paper used put away. Even growing up free range style there was not a part of me that went “Its not my job to clean so I can be as gross as I want!” These kids don't feel the same way and will walk away from a table with every liquid dripping down. Food on and under the table. Bathrooms just...good lord. I have seen things in the bathrooms that made me wish I was moving dead people again. I've only had two dead body situations that made me wanna go “The fuck happened?!” I experience this at least three times a week at work.

Its Hard To Be Fired

In the few years I have been working as a custodian I know of only three people that have been let go and each of them were egregious as fuck situations. This was not a thing where they showed up late all the time. Most of them do that. They didn't call out sick all the time. Most of them do that. They didn't punch in and not work. Most of them do that. I was talking to my lady a few days ago trying to think of the word for how it feels to come to work and do a good job and appreciate the paycheck knowing others don't do 10% of their job and miss days of work and know they are safe from unemployment. Still have not found that word but it feels shitty.

I'm not saying you should look for this job because its hard to lose it. You should do it because you wanna work and you can see the fruit of your labor. There are a lot of people that apply for it and here the word “substitute” and walk away. If they knew how often custodians missed work they would know that they would be working almost 40 hours a week and eventually get hired. I have seen it happen a few times in my short term doing it.

Your Mind Wanders

There is some free time while working. I give myself time to let my body rest because I am old and there are gaps where there's no mess to clean. But while cleaning your mind will wander. I have thought things like “I have such a strange job.” Start thinking about how smart I used to be and how I ended up cleaning up after dirty people to be able to pay rent and do fun things. I listen to music my entire shift because cleaning is not very stimulating mentally. I don't know about you, but having too much time to think is not good for me unless I am at home. If I am at work or hanging out somewhere I have to keep my thoughts in some kind of order or else I'm gonna start thinking about the fact that people are incredibly disgusting and have zero home training and once I start going down that path I'm not gonna want to do shit let alone a good job. Folks talk about having a good work/life balance. I do. I come home and do the things I enjoy or when I have time on weekends because this is the most physical job I've had since I was in my 20's and I need it. Pacing myself is a problem I have and am still learning how to do it at work. I stay in a strange competition with myself and when I have what I feel like is too much free time I have this guilt that creeps in because I spent too much time not working and not being busy feels like unemployment and with that feeling comes feeling like shit. You can click here to read about that experience.

Most Of Your Co-Workers Are Odd

There was one that talked about chem trails. Others that overshare. Others that have been in the exact same position for almost a decade and you wonder why until you see how they work. I call a lot of people at my job weirdos. I have been called weird as well and I say “No, I am strange.” You can bring strange around friends. You can't bring a weirdo. At almost every job I have worked at I would keep at least one person from it and stay in touch at least occasionally. I have not found that here. I'm not sure if its the job that makes you weird or the job just attracts weird people. I have met a couple of people where I know they are there to do a good job and collect their paycheck which is good. They don't show up and start gossiping about random shit that's not even interesting. God. I know way too much about the people at my job I wish I didn't.

Click here for previous Five Things I Learned.