Justice League Dark, Voodoo, Savage Hawkman Issue 1

Mr. Soot tied an issue of Batman to a string and pulled it down the hallway leading out of my cell. Like an idiot of course I chased it down. Next thing I know a net falls on my head and he’s laughing his ass off. “This is getting too easy…” he said as he threw another pile of DC 52’s at me to review.

Justice League Dark

If you take anything away from this issue its that Shade The Changing Man is one of the coolest characters that you may never of heard of! The story starts off with this young girl wandering around not knowing where she is and mumbling to herself. She walks into a place and she looks on the TV and there is a freeway full of “hers” being hit by cars and dying. Superman, Wonder Woman, and Cyborg head to a place where magic is happening and get wrecked by teeth. Flying teeth. Batman decides that he and Zatanna should help out and she binds him with parts of the Batcave.

Shade makes an appearance and if you don’t know his history (which many don’t) the scene he has with his girlfriend is damn near heartbreaking. In London Constantine is being messed with magically. Madam Xanadu is seeing a future where everyone is lying in a pile of dead bodies. Aah! Aah! Aah!

This was a very cool issue and I would love to see where it goes. Bringing these characters, Deadman will make an appearance, together is a very great idea. Justice League Dark had great art and a cool story. Did I mention they brought Shade The Changing Man?! You all have no idea how much I like this guy. Do some research on him.

Voodoo

I know the character Voodoo aka Priscilla Kitaen from old Image Comics WildCATS which is known for having one of the worst cartoon theme songs ever written. Seriously. Look it up. Your eyes and ears will poop. I remember this splash page from the 90’s of her and it was one of the hottest drawings ever. What did Voodoo do? I have no clue. She was just some hot mixed chick that barely wore anything. Except on the friggin’ cartoon where they put her in a bodysuit! Okay. I need to settle down.

Voodoo is stripping at a club and the first image we get of her is on all fours as guys are “making it rain” around her. Look it up. Two undercover agents are watching her, the guy more than the other, and requests a private dance from her. His partner goes outside and whips some guys asses for trying to teach her some respect. The agent that is getting the lap dance (no sex in the champagne room) and lets Voodoo know that he knows that she may be an alien and that if she doesn’t turn herself in she will be dissected. She then turns into a monster and rips him open. Moments later she quits her job and the guy walks out okay.

I guess this is cool if you wanna look at a hot drawing and don’t know that Jessica Rabbit exists. It wasn’t bad or anything but there was nothing that made me want to pick this up ever again and feel like I really missed out on anything. It didn’t even feel like it was part of the DC Universe.

Savage Hawkman

I know nothing about Hawkman except his costume reminds me of something from an old Hanna Barbara cartoon. This issue starts with him burning his costume in a forest. It explodes and he wakes up back home and burned. A team finds some alien wreckage and brings it for examination. Bored yet? He heads to check out the ship and suddenly an alien inside of it comes to life and starts wreaking havoc. Hawkman all of a sudden transforms as if his costume is now in his body instead of him putting it on. I love how the costume is like “Eff you for trying to destroy me!” He fights the main alien and it absorbs his Nth metal armor.

Not a very good issue. The art was fine but the story was super rushed and felt like an action film where a lot happened but made me feel as if I had no emotional investment in it. Who cares about hawk man after reading this? Its like they did it to please people who thought his costume was silly and decided to make it appear rather than put it on.

Dark Knight, Flash, Firestorm, Green Lantern New Guardians Issue 1

There are two things me and Mr. Soot agree on. That last issue is Superman was terrible and honey badgers don’t give a shit. After a spirited discussion at the wonder we have with DC’s decision to let certain comics not only get made, but get made so terribly. Its now time to write about some comics. Lets hope they’re better than the last batch!

Batman The Dark Knight

This issue went back and forth in terms of what was good and what was bad about it. I liked the fact that they are making Bruce Wayne an interesting character. He is still trying to make Gotham City a better place. A police officer confronts him and accuses him of funding Batman, which if you think about it for a moment makes perfect sense and I’m glad they’re going in this direction. We even get to see Batman get his flirt on!

There is a riot at Arkham Asylum and I kinda had trouble figuring out who was who. The cops are getting their asses handed to them and Batman shows up to help. He starts head butting and kicking people in the face and they cant figure out why more than 300 of the most dangerous criminals got free all at once. This is okay. The issue jumps the shark when Batman finds Two-Face and he is the size of The Incredible Hulk and he screams that his name is now One-Face. Uh…yeah.

I like Batman and all but this issue was just too all over the place. If they had focused on just Bruce Wayne and the investigation into his life and funding Batman that would’ve been cool. Taking a character that and turning him into a monster (which I hate as much as fire monsters but not as much as smoke monsters).

The Flash

Never been a huge fan of Flash comics. The power to run fast never really appealed to me. I did begin to like him in the cartoons but never enough to call myself a fan. This issue may have changed that. While Barry Allen aka The Flash is at a party for science folk and some guys rob the place. Barry transforms into The Flash and whips their asses while being funny at the same time (take notes Kid Flash). One of the criminals ends up getting killed is someone Barry knew when he was younger. Oh, and The Flash gets accused of murder. This was a fun and interesting issue, especially the way it ends. I’m intrigued enough to check out the next issue. Truly shocking.

The Fury of Firestorm

I know who Firestorm is…vaguely. This issue starts with a family being tortured and murdered. So not a kid book? A star high school football player Ronnie is interviewed by Jason and Ronnie gets accused of being racist. He later asks his mother why he has no Black friends while Jason feels bad for even bringing race up. That killer team shows up at the school looking for the Firestorm formula which Jason admits to having and takes turning into Firestorm and blowing a lot of the school up in the process. Ronnie also turns into a Firestorm and they start fighting which is rather silly. It ends with them combining into some big ass fire guy named Fury. I hate characters combining almost as much as I hate fire creatures and…you know the rest. Cool art but the story was very meh.

Green Lantern New Guardians

Kyle Rayner is probably my least favorite Green Lantern but that may change if this series keeps the pace its at from this first issue. A Guardian creates a new ring and sends it to Earth to find a bearer. Kyle is at a bar sketching the waitress so he can leave it as a tip since he is broke. He heads outside to use the bathroom and the Guardian gives him the ring and they start flying away. With his artistic abilities he makes a great natural Lantern. All over the universe Lanterns of every color are being stripped of their rings and dying.

Later after Kyle saves a construction worker and a kid makes fun of his outfit, all the rings that left their owners start floating at him and announcing his name out loud (which is a very funny moment) and wanting him to wear it. The surviving former ring bearers arrive and want to attack Kyle for “stealing” their rings. This was a cool issue and I would definitely check out the next one.

Superman, Teen Titans, All Star Western, Black Hawks Issue 1

I refuse to go back to sleep ever again. Mr. Soot thought it would be funny to place another issue of DC’s 52 on my face while I slept. There are a lot this week and some of them make me question the people in charge of decision making. Some of these characters just don’t deserve their own comics. Seriously. Were you clamoring for a Black Hawks comic? Yeah. That’s what I thought. I’m getting ahead of myself.

Superman

Everyone knows who Superman is. He is the single most popular character ever created in comics and known around the world. He is literally the biggest super character in history. So I have to ask myself: Why did he get the crappiest issue one? I mean…wow. This is a real stinker. I cant imagine he is hard to write. He flies, shoots heat out his eyes, ice breath, super strong, and bad at disguise. Simple. So why the long boring ass introduction?

We get Superman sulking (a new power apparently) because The Daily Planet is demolished and a new one is built. They are also getting rid of the paper and going to TV and internet. He ends up fighting a fire creature. I hate fire creatures almost as much as I hate smoke monsters. He beats it after sending it into space. Later Clark Kent goes by Lois Lane’s place and she is sleeping with some other reporter. The issue ends with more sulking.

This issue was the one splashed across the TV, internet, and papers. So why did they make it the most boring ass one? I love reading but Jesus, this starts as being way too wordy. I don’t care about the history of The Daily Planet whatsoever. I almost stopped reading this one. It was just dull.

Teen Titans

Does DC have a problem writing teams that don’t have the word “Justice” or “Suicide” in the front? There are a lot of teen Metahumans floating around and jacking stuff up. This issue features Kid Flash botching a burning building rescue. He isn’t likable like he is on the cartoon of the same name. Red Robin has his home invaded and gets away by flying. When the hell did he get wings?! Wonder Girl gets rescued by Red Robin after stealing a car and taking down a helicopter.

The issue ends with a tie in to the awesome Superboy comic. Damn it! The story was way rushed and the art was strange. The teens looked like weird ass adults. For being so mart they have Red Robin (I hate that name) act more like Jason Todd in his recklessness. Wonder Girl, who hates that name, doesn't tell him what to call her instead. Kid Flash is a dick.

All Star Western

Jonah Hex. Know him? I don’t either. He’s a cowboy with a scar. I know he had a movie I couldn’t watch for more than ten minutes. If this comic was a film I would have left the theater. In old Gotham hookers are being killed. Hex and a dweeb go around trying to find information about the killer. What I mean by find information is Hex goes around beating people up and being an unlikable character. A hooker that gives him information dies and he sees that all the powerful men in Gotham have the same ring as the alleged killer. I just didn’t care for this issue. This didn’t sell me on Jonah Hex or make me care to figure out how it ends.

Black Hawks

Bombs. Fighting. Biting. Secret agents. Cell phone cameras. Chick gets infected. There. That’s the entire issue. A bunch of characters that would be background victims get their own comic for some reason. DC, you cant have a cell phone picture ruin something that’s supposed to be super secret in two of your debuts (as they did in Red Hood’s comic). This comic didn’t need to be written or drawn. Its just nonsense. DC cant afford to put crap like this out.

Batman, Supergirl Issue 1

Mr. Soot did place that device under my bed. It played “Goodbye Horses” over and over again by Q Lazarus. He thought it was funny until I decided to walk around the house Buffalo Bill style. He just threw a bottle of lotion at my head and sighed. Now back in my cell with laptop its time to write some DC 52 reviews.

                                                     Batman 1

I love Batman so much. Seriously. This guy is the best character ever created and has the best rogue gallery. It doesn’t hurt that dude is a psycho. For reals. When was the last time you saw Superman, Green Lantern, or anyone walk into a room and challenge some of his most dangerous enemies to a fight? Not never. But Batman does. Batman don’t give a shit.
He walks into Arkham Asylum facing guys like Clayface, Killer Croc, and Two-Face and just starts whipping their asses. All of a sudden he is tossed into Joker’s cell. Suddenly the most unlikely team since Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan start fighting together and beating the inmates. I was like “Oh, this is just stupid. Why is this happening?!” Later you find out that it was a disguise and Nightwing aka Dick Grayson was playing him.

Later Bruce Wayne, his punk ass son Damian, Dick, and Tim all get dressed for a fundraiser. Bruce has decided to start rebuilding Gotham City and taking pledges. By reading Commissioner Gordon’s lips using a new program (he also has this cool eye contact that brings the Batcave’s technology with him) and finds out someone was murdered. Batman meets up with Bullock and they find a guy stabbed to a wall. Batman places a cigar to a weird substance on the wall and it says “Bruce Wayne Will Die Tomorrow.” He sends DNA samples from the dead guys nails and it comes back saying it belongs to Jason Todd aka Red Hood aka Robin 2. Zombie bastard!

Story and art Scott Snyder and Greg Capaullo was great. This was one of my favorite issues so far from the DC Comics. The scene where Batman faces all those villains at the beginning looked so cool and the way Bruce Wayne is drawn he looks cool. He doesn’t look like an anonymous guy who happens to be Batman. Very well done.

Supergirl 1

Poor Supergirl has one of the most convoluted ass histories in the history of comics. Someone every few years comes along and changes her costume, clones her, makes her Superman’s cousin, the last Kryptonian. Just all over the place. So its no surprise that she wakes up in this issue not knowing where the hell she is. She hits Kansas and ends up in Siberia. I’m no gynecologist, someone that studies Earth, but that seems impossible. She is attacked by men in robot suits and whips their asses and discovers she has heat vision. She is about to kill a soldier until Superman shows up and stops her. If you pay attention you’ll see that some of the stuff she hears takes place in other issues.

I makes me a bit nervous that a lot of the heavy hitters are making appearances in these smaller comics. Its almost like they don’t think they have the ability to sale themselves. If I knew beforehand that Superman made an appearance at the end it wouldn’t have swayed me to get this issue. Supergirl, who is forever connected to the world’s most popular character, should be able to stand alone.

Story and art by Michael Green and Mike Johnson. The art is decent. The story could’ve been just half of the issue with the rest explaining more. Why does she already have a costume? Is she old enough for me to stare at her boobs? I don’t know and I’m not sure if I’m willing to stick around and find out.

Wonder Woman, Red Hood, Birds Of Prey Issue 1

Snuck into the kitchen to get something that I could trick my body into thinking was real food. Mr. Soot was sititng at the table with a device in front of him. “Did you know that the inventor of the lie detector was also the same man who created Wonder Woman?” he asked. I nodded yes. “Oh, this isn’t a lie detector. Just something I will place under your bed later.” And with that I ran back to my cell and started writing!

                                    Wonder Woman 1

I know all about Wonder Woman. Who doesn’t? She was once a little blob of clay. GUMBY!!! Wrong clay. The story starts with some god offering three hot chicks drinks and then scaring the hell out of them. In a barn in Virginia a hooded woman cuts a horses head clean off and then a demon something pops on out. The hell is going on?! Hermes, who is weird looking and blue, shows up at the woman who owns the barns home and tries to tell her that “they” have come for her child. He gets nailed with an arrow and tosses her a key that makes her vanish into panty wearing air.
This chick appears in Wonder Woman’s home while she is sleeping and nearly gets choked out. The girl gives her the key and they teleport back to the barn where Wonder Woman whips the demon horse things asses. She cuts one of their arms off. Hermes stumbles from the house dying and tells the women that the girl is pregnant by Zeus. Scandalous! Back with the guy and three chicks he hears what will happen with Zeus and a new child and promptly crisps the three dames.

Story and art by Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang. This issue wasn’t terrible but it didn’t exactly knock my socks off. I do like the fact that WW (that’s Wonder Woman for the cool kids) seems to fight more warrior-like and brutal. She doesn’t say a single word as she fights those horse demons. They try to hurt this girl and she just goes gorilla on them. Worth checking out but the next issue needs more story and less action.

Red Hood And The Outlaws 1

I think the guy at the beginning of the story is Red Arrow. He gets broken out of a prison overseas by Red Hood aka Jason Todd aka Robin 2 aka Zombie!!! A bloodbath issues and help shows up in the form of Starfire. She burns some tanks and they escape to an island.

This island stuff is apparently causing some controversy Mr. Soot said. Saying the character of Starfire is being used unfairly and as a sex object. What female character besides Granny Goodness isn’t?! On the flipside look at how men in comics look. How many guys you know so buff their muscles and veins show through their clothes? Men get the same if not more because there are more male characters. Guys don’t talk about it but they feel the pressure of looking a certain way. Not me. I have a god complex. So yeah Starfire is banging Red Hood and Red Arrow. Not at the same time. That's in issue three. Giggity.

This story was interesting but I’m not sure if I’m dying to read the next issue. I’m on the fence. I like the story by Scott Lobdell and the art by Kenneth Rocafort is fantastic. Maybe it’s the combination of these three characters or something.

Birds Of Prey 1

I really wanted to like this story. I like Black Canary. The Justice League cartoon made me really see that she was a badass character once you get past the fact that she ain’t wearing pants. I’m pissed that only two of the four people on the cover are actually in the comic. Lots of fighting and not much story really. I mean there is but this issue made it feel like there was so much story that had happened and I kinda fell into this not knowing what the hell was going on. I don’t even know what one of the characters Ev Starling does besides drive badly. I wanna like this more than I did but meh. Story and art by Duane Swierczynski and Jesus Saiz.

Nightwing, Deadman, Legion Of Superheroes Issue 1

I woke up with Mr. Soot tapping his watch while standing in the doorway of my cell. “You’re sleeping. I don’t like that.” Just as I was about to protest he dropped a stack of comics on my lap. I asked him for more toilet paper. “Use Issue 1 of Static Shock” he said as he left. That’s not a bad idea.

                                       Nightwing 1

Most of what I know about Nightwing is from old ass Teen Titan comics and some of the Batman: The Animated Series. I know about him from when he was the original Robin, but I don’t know about his villains or anything. This issue starts off with Nightwing reminiscing about being Batman for the past year and how it changed him. He is also whipping some ass while doing this. He comes across a visiting circus. The same one that his parents died in. Dun-dun-duuuuuuun!!!

Meanwhile some guy walking through Gotham gets harassed by two thugs. He commences to break one of their necks and caves the other ones face in. Dick Grayson aka Nightwing finally decides to visit the circus and meets all of his old friends while there. A masked man is prowling the streets of Gotham (I assume it’s the same dude that just killed those other guys) sees Dick and attacks him saying he is the “most fiercest killer in Gotham.” While two cops distract this guy (meaning get gutted like fish!) Nightwing appears and fights the guy. This dude is faster and more dangerous than Nightwing and manages to cut him and knock him from a rooftop. The issue ends with Nightwing hurt and down about to be killed.

This was a kickass issue. I don’t know who this crazy ass guy is but I’m interested to find out. The art and story by Kyle Higgins and Eddy Barrows is good and fit’s the story well. Nightwing looks proper when doing flips and turns. Some artists make characters seem strange when they contort but Barrows does not. Very good issue.

Deadman 1

Another guy I barely know anything about. Seen him on the Justice League cartoon once. Pretty sure he’s dead. Good thing this issue covers his entire history. He is shot while working at a circus (apparently working in a circus is second only to working at STAR Labs as being dangerous as hell). He was a selfish prick and is told by a god named Rama, who brings balance to…stuff. She tells Deadman that he has to help others before he can move on.

He gets into the body of a war veteran with no legs. Before that though he finds someone who knew him in life and has to convince her he is Boston Brand aka Deadman by jumping in different people’s bodies. He makes his way back to the vets body and puts a gun to his head. Rama shows up like “What the hezee?!” She doesn’t say that but I imagine she wanted to.

Nice issue and a very good job of introducing the character to people unfamiliar with Deadman. Not sure if I’m dying to read the next issue. This probably would’ve been better if it went more in the dirction of Animal Man or Swamp Thing. This seems too bright for such a dark character. Story and art by Paul Jenkins and Bernard Chang.

Legion Of Superheroes 1

I…I just cant. Too many characters. Too much happening. Too much history. I kept having to flip back and forth to remember which characters did what. Art by Francis Portela is adequate and an overly complicated group of characters Paul Levitz tries to focus on. How about two characters an issue? Unless you’re the Suicide Squad I think I might be having issues with DC’s 52 group comics.

Batwoman, Suicide Squad Issue 1

Mr. Soot must have been filled with the spirit of vengeance when he gave me these two kick ass issues. If 90% of the DC 52 comics were like this I would go insane with joy. But they’re not. Alas, lets not focus on the negatives! Just the positives. And I’m pretty positive Mr. Soot is practicing with nunchucks…

                                       Batwoman 1

Right off the “bat” (see what I did there?!) this issue grabs your attention with the art. Its amazing. This ghost lady shows up in the bedroom of these kids and weeps as she takes them away. Batwoman shows up and chases her away. Not really though because the kids are now missing. She promises the parents that she will rescue the kids. The police make no such promise. Other kids are missing and they have no leads or clues.

Kate Kane aka Batwoman is at home with some chick named Bette aka Flamebird go out on a small crime fighting spree and Batwoman decides that she doesn’t want to do it again. She says she spent more time watching Flamebird’s back than she was. Black Mask is also sending an agent to Gotham to get Batwoman. Dude looks very cool by the way.

Back home Kate’s dad shows up unexpectedly and she airs all of their dirty laundry! In one splash page they show the characters entire history which is an amazing accomplishment. The issue ends with Batwoman investigating a lake where kids bodies were found when Batman shows up and says he has a proposition for her.

This issue was pretty damn cool and was written well by J.H Williams III and art by W. Haden Blackman. Every page looks like it took time and effort and was super amazing. I like this issue because they managed to cover so much, mostly because the way the pages were set up Blackman was able to convey so much emotion in such little space. I would so pick up the next issue.

Suicide Squad 1

How many times have you opened up a comic book and the first page is someone being tortured by having a bucket full of rats on their bare stomach with a blowtorch being used to make the rats attempt to chew their way free? That’s what I thought. Suicide Squad starts off with the entire team being tortured for information about who sent them.

Deathstroke is the one being tortured with rats. Some dude with fire powers named El Diablo is being beaten and having bags of salt poured on him. Harley Quinn has a jumper cable attached to her cheeks. King Shark is sitting in front of heat lamps. He bites someone’s arm off. Voltaic is being beaten. Some guy named Black Spider is laying on the floor dying. Some dude Savant ends up spilling the beans about their mission and thinks he will be safe. He’s not. He gets killed. The team has guns held to their head, with Deathstroke telling them they’re holding the gun at the wrong place, and it turns out…surprise! It was a test.

They are being held by their boss and it turns out that out of 37 candidates they are the six that made it. This was a great issue with story and art by Adam Glass and Federico Dallocchio. The different look of Harley Quinn and Deathstroke was cool and I’m not a fan of King Shark but I am now after that one shot of him biting that guys arm off and screaming “Meat! Meat! Meat!” I forgot to mention, but during the torture they also managed to explain each characters origin and how they got where they are.

Deathstroke, Grifter, Legion Lost Issue 1

I don’t know what mood Mr. Soot was in when he bought these books but they are very violence heavy. This batch is better than the last few that have been coming out which is cool. Oh, great. Now he’s stomping through the halls singing “Old Gray Mare” at the top of his lungs. I don’t have much time left to write these for now so lets get started.

                                      Deathstroke 1

This issue does not waste any damn time getting started. It begins with a mission that Deathstroke was on where faced against a group of armed soldiers still manages to cut the head off of his target and a few other unlucky bastards that are in the way. He’s now relegated to being an expensive bodyguard. A man named Christophe wants him to work with a new young team of assassins.

Deathstroke meets the team that I wont bother naming (you’ll see why) and they head on their mission where they have to rendezvous with a plane midair and take out their target which is a man dealing in nuclear weapons. When he gets on the plane he is met with some creatures mixed with Clayface DNA and starts kicking them out of the plane before being shown a briefcase. Deathstroke blows the plane up and heads back to base.

While the team celebrates a successful mission Deathstroke says “I think there is no ‘up and coming.’ There’s only competition. And I don’t work with it.” He then commences to shoot every single one of the poor bastards. Dude is hardcore! He is told by Christophe that the higher ups don’t think he’s got it anymore. I don’t know about you but he doesn’t seem like the kinda guy I would say stuff like that to.

This was a good fast paced issue. Story and art by Kyle Higgins and Joe Bennett really fit this character that I don’t know anything about other than he can fight well against Batman and has just one eye. I look forward to the next issue to see where they go with this.

Grifter 1

Wait. Grifter got his own comic? The guy from WildCATS?! How in the blue hell did this happen? Anyway, the story starts with him on an airplane (don’t take planes in the DC Universe!) and he starts hearing voices. A woman attacks him with a pick and he takes her out before fighting as he falls from the plane. We flashback to him ripping someone off who was trying to rip him off. He’s set to meet with this chick and leave the country. He ends up snatched by some ghost demon thing and wakes up tied to a table.

He escapes and beats someone to death, which freaks him right the hell out. He thinks he was unconscious for only seventeen minutes but it turns out it was for seventeen days. Flash forward to him surviving the fall from the plane and the government looking for him for murder. The story ends with him in a cemetery in New Orleans putting on his mask.

This was a fun little issue but something felt like it was missing. It felt like I walked into the middle of a story that had started a long time ago. This is a reoccurring problem with some of these DC 52 stories. Its supposed to be introducing readers to new stories but I shouldn’t be this puzzled by the first issue. Not puzzled by questions that can be answered later, but by answers I have to find online. Story by Nathan Edmondson and great art by Cafu.

Legion Lost 1

This is the epitome of what I was just talking about. Its like they said “Hey, lets throw a bunch of characters into one issue that involves time travel which is already confusing and see what happens!” This team full of people I don’t know and doubt I’d want to get stuck looking for someone who is spreading some disease in our timeline. They catch him, he breaks free, they crash and a couple people die and I don’t care. Maybe this is for fans of Power Pack or something. I don’t know. Story by Fabian Nicieza and inconsistent art by Pete Woods. I will pretend I didn’t read this.

View On DC 52

So after weeks of trying not to read any reviews that others have done of the DC 52 comics I decided to see what others had to say about it. A few people (Moyross and Pfax) who have read my stuff and Mr. Soot himself have said that its better that I am getting into these without knowing everyone’s full histories and haven’t read comics regularly in over a decade. By regularly I mean that I’ve purchased trade paper backs (TPB) since I’ve been burned by artists and writers coming out with three or four issues a year instead of the standard twelve.

After reading some of these reviews and even listening to one (only the issues I myself have read and covered) I agree with Mr. Soot and a few others. A lot of the people that are covering these never stopped reading and are having trouble seeing this stuff with new eyes. I am sorta guilty of this a bit with characters like Batman since even when I didn’t read them I knew some of what was going on. No matter what I still hate his son. Eff that kid.

                                      Smug bastard.

As some of you may know I review other things besides comic books (movies and TV shows at danterants.blogspot.com and dnashow.blogspot.com) and have questioned whether or not I have gone from being a fan to being a critic. I like to believe that I have managed to stay in the middle. I don’t watch movies and inspect every technical aspect of it but instead recognize when something like the music affects a mood or if a special effect is so bad it yanks me out of the picture. With these issues I am looking at the art first, the story second, and how I feel while and after reading it.

As I continue to write these I will be honest about my opinions and not do these and say things for the sake of being “the asshole” that doesn’t like anything and does things just to be different. I love art and I love comics and the fact that I am able to do so again for the first time on a weekly basis feels good to me. Thanks for reading.

- Dante

Batman Detective Comics Issue 1

Mr. Soot has come back and he bought something big. I don’t know what it is for sure but the words laser, death, and/or ray will likely be involved. So while he curses the planet and all who were born before him I’ll whip out another blog covering the DC 52. This is the one I have been waiting for!

The story begins with Batman counting the amount of deaths The Joker has caused and commited over the last six years (114 if you’re interested) and believes that tonight is the night he will finally catch him. That is if he gets there in time to stop the big guy wearing a human skullcap with a large knife from killing him first!

While a nude Joker “signs” his name into the man’s body after ripping his throat out with his bare teeth, Batman arrives. Just as he is about to capture The Joker a small child gets Batman’s attention and he gets away. Soon Gotham PD show up and Batman has to put his boots up their asses before taking off. Back in The Batcave his trusty butler Alfred lets him know that Master Wayne has blown off another date. Batman ain’t got time for no lovin’!

After finding out where The Joker is through Commissioner Gordon Batman arrives in time to see a bunch of SWAT members get blown to bits by a fake Joker bomb. The real Joker escapes to a train before Batman finds him and they start fighting. Sometimes we have to be reminded of how crazy and dangerous the Joker is. After a whiff of his deadly gas Batman is stabbed twice and almost shot before getting electrocuted. He manages to fight back and beats the piss out of The Joker. Happy ending!

Right?

The Joker is locked away in Arkham Asylum where while in his cell someone comes into his cell and carves his face off. Not cuts him up. Cuts his face off and nails it to a wall. Oh, and The Joker asked for this. Yeah. This was an awesome first issue and had me gripped from the very first page to the last. The art and story were amazing and done by the same person, Tony S. Daniel. Batman’s outfit is more realistic than previous versions where it was just tights and good luck and skill that kept him alive. There are slight bits of armor, real boots, and shorter bat ears. Great first issue of one of the best characters ever created in comics.

Animal Man, Static Shock, Hawk & Dove, Green Arrow Issue 1

While Mr. Soot is away doing whatever it is that super villains do when they’re not busy being super villainy I decided to use the available light in my cell and write some more reviews. This whole DC 52 thing is making me quickly see that not everyone needs a reboot and should’ve stayed gone and that just because someone was good in the 90’s doesn’t mean they can still hack it now.

                                      Animal Man 1

I had heard that this was a good one and I’ll be damned if its not one of the best of the 52 stories so far. I didn’t think Animal Man could be a cool character. He just seemed like a more powerful Bravestarr (you make me sad for not knowing who he is). The very first page is an interview by a magazine asking what Buddy Baker aka Animal Man has been up to lately. Boom. History taken care of.

While at home with his wife and kids his daughter is screeching for a new puppy while his son rushes in and tells him that there’s a hostage situation at the hospital. A man whose daughter died from cancer is trying to take one of the kids and believes his daughter is still alive. Animal man takes him out by using the skin of a rhino, reflexes of a fly, speed of a cheetah, and the bark of a dog. He calls it his “action hero” cocktail.

A policeman mentions that something is wrong with his eyes. They are pouring blood but the doctors find nothing wrong and he admits that he hasn’t felt better in a long time. Back home while sleeping he has a disturbing dream. And by disturbing I mean “if you don’t believe in God now you will in a moment!” In his dream he sees the types of creatures you’d imagine after trying to reenact Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas. He rushes downstairs after his wife screams for him to find his daughter playing with the reanimated corpses of animals. Aah! Aah! Aah!

Written and drawn by Jeff Lemire and Travel Foreman this is by far one of my favorites in the 52 series. They managed to cover the characters history, his civilian life, his heroic life, and set up a threat that he has to face. Great job all around and I cant wait to read issue two! Fun, dark, and great pacing.

Static Shock 1

Virgil Dawkins is Static Shock, a smart ass kid (figuratively and literally) that has the power to manipulate electricity in all its form. While chasing a villain away that has stolen a powered suit from STAR Labs (which is apparently the most dangerous place on Earth to work besides The Daily Planet). After stopping him he is immediately executed. If someone says they are about to die, just believe them and raise a shield or something. But nope. Dude gets killed and in the process Static Shock manages to piss off New York City by frying a bunch of folks electric items.

A group of multi colored villains are seen recording and watching the action. These Power Rangers report back to some guy what happened and he is pissed off so he sends in Virule. Just picture Killer Croc 2099 or something. By the end of the issue Static gets new stuff for his hover craft from Hardware (who knew he still existed?) and is instantly shot by Virule who ends up slicing the kids arm off.

The was the definition of “meh.” The story by Scott McDaniel seems to not pick a tone and stick with it. You cant go from smart mouthed kid watching someone get murdered one foot from him to asking for a new car from his parents the next. The art by John Rozum is mediocre. This reboot would’ve been the perfect chance to get rid of Static’s goofy ass dreads. I mean, its funny when a character looks almost exactly like their alter ego. This didn’t get my panties wet at all.

Hawk & Dove 1

Hawk & Dove have a long and uninteresting history in comics and for some reason they decided to keep that trend going. Hawk is strong and powerful. Dove, who is now a chick, is the same but she has stronger emotions. I guess in case of a robbery they can slip on her tears. The two of them manage to stop a plane heading towards the Washington Monument. It still hits it but just a little.

Back at home Hawk is bitching about his brother the former Dove being dead (this reboot would’ve been a good way to fix that…) and Dove is hanging out with her boyfriend Deadman talking about stuff. She is hiding a secret from Hawk that she wishes to never tell. Hawk feels like beating some stuff up. The also show the origin of how they got their powers and it is so lame. They just asked for them. That’s it. “Hey, I wanna be powerful.” “Okay!” some gods say and there you are. At the end some dude that looks like a brown version of the deceased Dove shows up and kills a zombie. Wait. Huh?!

What a waste of paper this one was. The story by Sterling Gates was super rushed and felt like a throwaway issue. And the art? Rob Liefeld has been doing this since I was a child and has managed not to grow as an artist. Look at that cover! Tell me that doesn’t look like the same shit he was doing back in the 90’s. He does not have the ability to draw emotions other than rage, anger, pissedoffness, and rage. In a normal conversation people look like they are in the middle of taking the most painful bowel movement in the history of Earth. Boo this comic. Boo!!!

Green Arrow 1

Green Arrow fights crime while having business meetings. This is something that even Batman hasn’t mastered. He finds a team of wannabe villains who get off on taping their crimes and posting them online and takes them down. He also has a team that helps him on his missions and I assume one of them trimmed his goatee. He looks like Speedy wearing Green Arrow’s outfit. Kinda weird.

While the villains are locked up they are rescued by some dude that looks like the type of guy that doesn’t wear underwear. Yeah. You know the type. I love the splash page at the end of these guys (and dwarf, and wolf chick, and karate master) posing while the smoke clears. Seriously, if the smoke cleared and these guys were standing there like that I would crack up laughing. They don’t look threatening. Pass by a club on a Friday night. Do they scare you? Exactly.

I would have liked for this to be more of an origin story. It feels like I am jumping in the middle of something and I felt lost while reading it. Still it was an okay read but if the evil guys being used are the jump off point I am worried. Hipsters don’t scare me. Story by J.T Krul and art by the always dependable Dan Jurgens.

Batwing, OMAC, Men Of War, Justice League International Issue 1

Mr. Soot has slid the food hole open long enough for me to get some light and write up another batch of DC 52 reviews. Already I am starting to see some chinks in the armor but hopefully this is for a few lackluster stories and not a trend that will continue.

                                         Batwing 1

Africa just got Batman’d! Trained to instill fear in the heart of criminals that are a bit harder to scare, Batwing dons a suit of armor and the ability to fly. Crazy how Batman can make this stuff but is like “I don’t need that nonsense. Don’t you know who I am?” This is an origin story mixed with an introduction to a Batwing's villain named Massacre.

This issue shows Batwing as he fights corruption at night and during the day as a police officer. Someone has been beheading criminals and even one of Africa’s first superheroes and Batwing is depending on the help of one of his colleagues to help investigate.

When arriving at work Batwing (not in costume) discovers the entire police force dead and beheaded with the words “Stay Away” written on the wall in their blood. A moment later a large machete is thrust through his back as Massacre says “You are late for work.”

A cool first issue by Judd Winick with beautiful art by Ben Oliver. If the story and art can keep up this pace for twelve issues I would be shocked.



Men Of War 1

Corporal Rock just wants to fight. He has the experience and the credentials to be more than what he is but has no desire to. When forced to go on a mission he and his team land in the middle of not just a war zone but a battle between two unseen superheroes who are doing as much damage to the city as the weapons being used by soldiers.

Rock is given a promotion in the form of their squad leader being impaled as the two superpowers battle one another. This was an okay story. There is an extra story inside which is like a scene taken right out of Full Metal Jacket with a Pepsi Twist. So far probably the first in the DC 52 that I have no strong interest in checking out the next issue. Decent story and art by Ivan Brandon and Tom Derenick but it didn’t jump out at me like a first issue should.





OMAC 1

This one didn’t blow my skirt up. It stank of “Kill! Destroy! I am a crazed machine! Argh!” The art at times appeared to be Kirby-Lite and featured characters that seemed very generic and flimsy. And look at that damned cover. Really? This is the reboot of an entire company and this is the best you can come up with? Lazy writing and lazy art equals I wont even bother reading issue two.

At one point Keith Giffen was the man in terms of art. I don’t know what was happening or if he was rushed but this should not have come out until some more work was done. The cover is the entire issue. Big Rob Liefeld reject standing on top of a bunch of wreckage with an ending that isn’t even “Oh!” worthy. I hope this doesn’t tie into any other comics because I would hate to have to keep up with this just to know the whole story of what’s going on. And writer Dan Didio knows better than to write this 1992 seeming garbage. When your characters opening line is shouting his name with dramatic pauses you know you’re in trouble.


Justice League International 1

Okay, now this is more like it. The world government knows that superheroes are going nowhere anytime soon and decide to gather a bunch of them from around the world (ex. Booster Gold, Guy Gardner, Ice, Vixen, August General In Iron, Rocket Red) to make a team lead by Booster but under the governments thumb.

Their first meeting goes to hell when Guy Gardner leaves after learning that Booster is really their leader. Booster is insulted that he is not in the Justice League. Meanwhile everyone else is busy bickering with each other and Batman decides to help out on their first mission, reminding Booster that as a leader he should actually, oh I don’t know, lead the team! And he does lead them.

Right into a trap!

These weird rock lava creature things start attacking and they are putting up an okay, if guideless, fight until a ginormous ass robot comes out of the ground. I know I should know this robots name but I don’t. This was a good action packed issue but I’m not sure that even with the help of Batman it can be great. More time should have been spent on introducing these characters to people or the shadowy going’s on’s involving the governments that are controlling the team. I’m pretty much waiting to see who betrays the team. This was by Dan Jurgens and Aaron Lopresti.

Superman, Swamp Thing, Batgirl, Stormwatch Issue 1

Mr. Soot in his never-ending quest to ensure that I do not see the light of day handed me a stack of new DC Comics featuring the new 52. The next series of blogs will feature more than one comic so as to not bombard you all with a dozen links. Might as well start off with the Boy Scout.

                             Superman Action Comics 1

I will be the first to admit that I am not a huge fan of Superman. My biggest complaint is that he spends so much time with all these cool powers but he doesn’t do anything unless its some massive event or invasion. With the help of Grant Morrison and Rags Morales this has been fixed! Introducing a Superman that actually does something for the little man!

The issue starts with a young and reckless Superman wearing a cape and jeans with loafers threatening to drop a dirty city employee that has people on his payroll off a balcony if he doesn’t confess. The city has heard of Superman and are afraid of him. What I like is that he isn’t taking himself too seriously.

After escaping the police and being hit with bullets and eventually a missile from a tank he makes it back to his apartment and pays rent. Meanwhile (you have no idea how hard it is for me to not say “At the Hall Of Justice!” right now…) Lex Luthor, hired by Lois Lane’s military father, is gathering footage of Superman and comparing him to various infestations that threw the eco-system off kilter.

In this version of Superman he can be hurt and still does not know the limit of his abilities. A rocket does hurt him. And a runaway train pins him against a wall where he is trapped unconscious at the end. For someone like me to say that a Superman comic is worth getting that is high praise. I have never in my life wanted to read a Superman comic (except when he died and I hoped that Batman had something to do with it). This is a fantastic start to the series.

Swamp Thing 1

I have to say that I do not know much about Swamp Thing. I saw a movie when I was little and maybe a cartoon but that’s about it. This issue is a great introduction to the character and almost immediately establishes the fact that he is a big player when Superman arrives to check in on him.

In Metropolis birds are falling from the skies. In The Batcave bats are dropping from the ceiling. In the sea fish are rotting and dying. Dr. Alan Holland, he who is Swamp Thing, knows all of this. He can feel and hear plant life and wants to ignore it. An excavation site is desecrated and a team ends up walking into a living mammoth man covered in flies that when they get in your body, uh, make your head turn around owl-style. They use very few frames to show this but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t look painful!

Back at his hotel Holland tries to sleep but is having nightmares of his “death” and transformation into Swamp Thing. He awakens in his room which is now covered with plant life. In a rage he takes the chemical that helped transform him and threatens to throw it into a lake when suddenly Swamp Thing appears and says “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” At the very least I hoped to be interested in this comic. I am. I actually want to read a damned Swamp Thing comic. Way to go Scott Snyder and Yanick Paquette.

Batgirl 1

Quick: what do you know about Batgirl? If your answer was that she was played by that chubby girl from Clueless than I pity you. Years ago Batgirl aka Barbara Gordon aka Commissioner Gordon’s daughter was shot and paralyzed by The Joker in The Killing Joke. She is now able to walk and under the training of Batman is fighting crime.

While Batgirl is fighting crime and stopping a gang or bored teens who have been murdering families and sometimes leaving a survivor someone called The Mirror is killing people. He has a list of names and Barbara Gordon is one of them.

She moves out of her father’s home and into a new apartment with a roommate and immediately has to spring into action. One of the boys she captured is in a hospital that is being attacked by the Mirror. After arriving she comes face to face with him and he aims his gun exactly where she was shot before. And she freezes from fear. An officer screams at her “You let him kill that man. You just watched him die. Murderer!” The issue ends with her between the barrels of a psychopath and a cop.

This was a cool story and a good introduction to the Batgirl character as they managed to cover a hell of a lot in one issue. The art is kinda strange at times and I would’ve loved if they got rid of her long, loud red hair, but that’s my only complaint. Still a good first issue by Gail Simone and Adrian Syaf.

Stormwatch 1

This is my shit right here! I am a huge fan of The Authority and Stormwatch and seeing them in the DC Universe being used properly gets me pregnant. The fact that Martian Manhunter is there as well just pushes it into shart yourself territory.

The Engineer watches as the team (including Jack Hawksmoor who can manipulate cities) try and recruit Apollo to help out. He has been busy fighting small crimes and they want him to help on a universal level which he wants no part of. The people running the show didn’t even think to recruit him until a fan fiction image of him beating Superman appeared. Jenny Sparks is here as well which rules since she is a very underrated heavy hitter in comics in general.

Meanwhile the moon is growing a giant clawed hand out of its surface. Team member Harry Tanner is taken over by a giant eye in the moons center that says that it prepares weaker planets for fights or as it puts it “I am here to make your world stronger through devastation. You should be afraid.” To which Tanner replies “Oh. I think I rather am.”

After teleporting to confront Apollo once again Martian Manhunter takes on his natural form to convince him to join the team. Suddenly the entire team is unconscious and standing over them is The Midnighter. Don’t know who The Midnighter is? Oh, nobody. Just one of the coolest characters ever created. The issue ends with him saying “I’m the Midnighter. With your help I can kill every evil bastard on the planet. Interested?”

Awesome first issue and I will so be waiting for the next! There are so many places this story can go that I can barely begin to think of where it might. The addition of Martian Manhunter and the appearance of The Midnight have me so hyper. Paul Cornell and Miguel Sepulveda made characters I haven’t cared about in ten years relevant again.