Teachers Still Wildin' Out

Teachers these days are getting it in! And by it I mean students penises. I got two stories. The first involves a 28 year old teacher named Jennifer Caswell who is being charged with a lot of things including second degree rape of a 15 year old student. Police caught the former English teacher in a hotel room with the student. She quit her job back in April when these allegations first happened. There wasn't hard evidence against Jennifer at first until her goofy ass was busted in the hotel room. This picture that I am showing is the one that has been floating around the most but I found her mugshot and she looks way different. I'll get to that in a moment. I think we are getting to a point where teachers are going to be replaced with robots shaped like squares so that they can't be sexualised in any sense.

“Things that raised kind of an eyebrow. People seeing a teacher alone with a child may or may not be anything. It could just be innocent contact. The child said nothing's going on, she's just a nice teacher” Harmon County Assistant District Attorney Eric Yarborough said. Fast forward to Jennifer and her student being caught in a Best Western. The found out that they had been having lots of sex including twice at school.

116 Year Old Woman Lives My Worst Nightmare

There's this lady named Gertrude Weaver who recently celebrated her 116th birthday. That is not a typo. There will probably be plenty of those later in this. She is officially the second oldest person alive after some other 116 year old woman in Japan. She is listed the 11th oldest person of all time because no one is taking those hundreds of year old people from the bible seriously. Noah was 500? Come on now. If you ever live that long you're either a vampire or a wheezing husk. Gertrude, who you know is old based solely on her name, was born in 1898. You know what was invented in 1898? The world's worst candy next to black licorice and root beer bubble gum: candy corn. Also the remote control (really...?) as well as the vertical filing cabinet. She has had four children and all of them are dead except for her 93 year old son who is probably like “Shit. I gotta do this for another 20 years?!”

Her birthday isn't even really on the 4th of July but she is really old so fuck it, right? She lives in a nursing home now but her first trip was when she broke her hip at 104. For whatever reason when old people break their hips the show's over. I don't know what it is about hips but when your ass is 60 and over and your hips get wrecked its time to write a will. Just be like “Well, I had a good run.” Kinda like back in the day when if you sneezed your days were numbered.

Shit Just Got Real 7

People get pissed off when Jehovah's Witnesses come knocking on their doors. But some people get pissed on a whole 'nother level. John Baldwin, 35, of Arkansas got so mad that a gun got involved. Wait. He's only 35? Shit. That's just one year older than I am. He looks terrible. Anyhoot, while on his front lawn he was approached by 55 and 47 year old Laura Goforth and Rachel Boshears. Now instead of just saying something like “Leave me alone” or “I'm not interested” he decided that “Get your fucking ass off my property. I moved out here to get away from people like you!” was a far more appropriate response.

The two ladies decide that this guy took things that were at best a 3 to an 11 and decided to head back to their cars. Baldwin wasn't done though. Oh, not by a long shot. He told his wife “Get my 9” meaning his 9mm handgun. And she did! I cant believe that she actually went and got him his fucking gun! So they get in the car driven by Boshears' husband and they see this crazy bastard firing shots at the car. How many?

19.