Comic Book Family Trees

Every once in a while someone will send me one of these family trees done by artist Joe Stone. I fucking love these things. But there’s always a couple of the characters where I go “Damn it, I should know who that is!” Check these out. They’re pretty damned cool.

Mr. Fantastic Is An Asshole

Reed Richards aka Mr. Fantastic is well known as the leader of The Fantastic Four. One of the smartest men in the world. Loving father and brother in law. I know him as probably the biggest asshole in the history of comic books. I know that by looking at him you wouldn’t think so. Its not like he hides his face from the public. Hell, their base of operations is open to the public. Who’d be stupid enough to hang out at a place that Galactus could wreck any moment is stupid, but sometimes tourists do what tourists do.

Reed grew up a smart kid. At the age of 19 he met his future wife Sue Storm…who was 13. More on her later. One day he gets his wife, her brother Johnny Storm, and his best friend of years Ben Grimm and says “Hey. They are gonna shut down this program I wanna do. I say let’s grab that shuttle, head into space, and well probably be okay. Cool?” Being the good friends that they are they decide to go with him. Fast forward to them getting screwed! They come back with powers and Grimm becomes The Thing; a monstrous creature made of rock who is so honked up that they couldn’t even come up with a creative name.

I mentioned Sue Storm aka Invisible Woman and her relationship with Reed. He is such an absentee husband that Namor, a fucking fish king, was like “He cant please you the way I can!” He took her and her brother into space on a mission that was likely to fail and risked their lives. He spends so much time on his experiments, which he does a lot but nothing ever gets better, that he ignores her. And then there was that one time he bitch-slapped her. That happened. It was because she had a difficult first birth, lost her second child, and was emotional.

Then there’s The Illuminati. Richards belongs to a group of guys that are running shit behind the scenes. Black Bolt, Dr. Strange, Iron Man, Professor X, Namor, and Reed for years it turns out have been making moves that have affected the Marvel universe for years. Yes, he is smart but out of the entire group he is the weakest one and that includes Tony Stark who is almost as smart but knew to make a badass costume. If you don’t agree with me that Reed Richards is an asshole you’re probably a fan. One of three. And that's just sad.

Captain America Creator Joe Simon Passes Away

The co-creator along with Jack Kirby of Captain America, Joe Simon passed away this week at the age of 98. I really need to stop writing these obituaries for creators. Known as one of the best artists and writers of all time, his contribution to the comic book medium is felt even to this day. He gained notoriety during what is known as The Golden Age of comics. I watched a documentary about DC at the beginning (known as National then) and it is amazing the impact comic books had on society at the time.

Captain America aka Steve Rogers was a weak man given the ability to transform his outer self to match the inner spirit within him. And his inner spirit was more patriotic than the President wrapped in the American flag and singing the Star Spangled Banner and National Anthem at the same time. What I mean to say is that he really loved his country. Armed with a shield and a pistol he whipped Nazis and even managed to sucker punch Hitler right in the face.

The spirit of not only Captain America but Joe Simon lives on today with the live action film, cartoons, toy, and dozens of other items. If you see someone with a blue shirt with just a white star in the center you know who it represents. I own a Captain America shirt drawn in the old style and love it. Next year he will once again appear in the Avengers film. To be able to create something that is still known and represented 70 years later is a great testament to Joe Simon’s imagination.