No Sex In The Champagne Room

What? A brother can't get no trim? 53 year old William McDaniel was arrested this past weekend because he called the police to report that a stripper would not have sex with him. I wish I could see what the stripper looked like. He paid her $350 for a private dance which she stopped when McDaniel started getting all happy hands on her. He didn't realize that soliciting for sex was against the law when he should have realized that you can take a chick out on a date and pay half that and get some action. I watched Hookers At The Point and was shocked to find out how cheap it was to get laid. This guy didn't and now he is in jail for being multiple stupid. I can't wait for this 911 call to be released and hearing a 53 year old man trying to explain to police that he wanted a stripper arrested for not having sex with him. Maybe you expect sex at a place called Sagebrush Sam's Exotic Dance Club. 

If You Can't Beat 'Em Lick 'Em

This weird bastard named Christopher Nicholas Hiatt who is 34 going on 63 was arrested outside of place called Pisser's Palace in Walkerville, Montana. That is a lot of bad on one sentence. Hiatt called cops to report a theft when they realized that there was a warrant out for his arrest. Hiatt is a man that looks like he isn't the type to go quietly into the night so of course he resisted arrest when they tried to handcuff him. When they tried shoving him into the police car he licked the eyeball of one of 'em. Ew! He is in jail on $45,000 bond and has been hit with four charges including felony assault on a police officer as well as assault with bodily fluid. There is a thing where folks like to lick eyeballs but the amount of diseases you can cause doing it or get having it done include styes, the clap, all the way to blindness. Fuck all of that. If I were a cop and you licked my eye I would have no choice but to beat you like a rug. But seriously. This guy is a year younger than me.