This was written over a two three year period.
You should probably grab a drink. This is gonna be a long one. I've been trying to figure out when I became such a coward. I was listening to a podcast earlier today (Duncan Trussell's Family Hour) and the topic was running from love. Having a fear of being loved. Fear of being rejected. The usual. Now, if you had asked me before I listened to this if I were afraid of love in any form I would've have told you no and thought you were a silly person. But here I am hours later asking myself “What am I afraid of?”
You should probably grab a drink. This is gonna be a long one. I've been trying to figure out when I became such a coward. I was listening to a podcast earlier today (Duncan Trussell's Family Hour) and the topic was running from love. Having a fear of being loved. Fear of being rejected. The usual. Now, if you had asked me before I listened to this if I were afraid of love in any form I would've have told you no and thought you were a silly person. But here I am hours later asking myself “What am I afraid of?”
Am I afraid of being rejected? Yes and
no. The no part I can say quickly because if that is the answer then
I will just deprogram myself and move on with my life. I have been
rejected in many forms my whole life not just by girls I have liked
but by family, jobs, and friends. But then there is the yes part.
That part of the rejection goes deeper than I'd like it to because I
do like someone right now. I have actively tried not to for the last
few months but its been harder and harder to do it. Go to sleep,
there she is. I wake up she's the first person I think of. And the
reason why I am afraid of being rejected by her is that being
rejected by her will not just represent being rejected by this one
beautiful female human.
Its a rejection from women like her.
