Rosscast Episode 235: Above The Law

In this episode I talk about Nicki Minaj and her titty jumping out and scaring the country, a chick who sliced her hand off while having sex, cops being dicks and making people eat weed, and a Only In Florida where a cop turns a women’s prison into a den of sex! Click here to download this episode and here to download and watch past Rosscast shows and my movies. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 187: The News Episode

In this news heavy episode I talk about my weekend, the awesome Earth Wind & Fire concert, the wine bar, the cops shooting a dude waving a knife around, a pastor wanting to burn Qur’ans on Sep. 11th, a college offering zombie courses, kids buying pot from cops, Jesse Jackson getting his car stolen, and some crazy bitch throwing puppies in a river. Click here to download this episode and older ones. Enjoy!

Roscast Episode 105: You Don't Want The Super Beast!

In this episode that was started at night and ending a few minutes ago I answer some listener questions, talk about cops pulling guns during snowball fights, EMT's doing the opposite of what they should, cheap parents, cell phone etiquette, "Avater", and Alice the Goon. Click here to download this and older Rosscast. Remember to spread the word about the show to your friends. Enjoy!

"Crushed"

Yeah, so the other day a cruiser got ran over across the street from me.

Here was the plan for the day. I would wait for Jess to get here (hello, babe!). We’d head out to Griffith to hang at the Observatory and eat dinner. A good spaghetti with some garlic bread Jess got. It was gonna be awesome. Then we were gonna head over to Purple Panther tattoo to hang with Ikuko. Things didn’t go as planned.

As soon as Jess got here this dude gets run over.

He was sitting on the curb across the street where the meters are. Cruisers hang out there all day and night. Actually, as soon as the cops and ambulances left they were back to selling their asses. Jess comes upstairs and she is already calling 911. She actually saw it all happen. I jumped up when I heard the shouting so I missed the first few seconds of it.

This is what happened. A guy, obviously drunk, pulled out of the bar and for no reason started backing up. He backed over the guy, stopped, backed up a little more as he looked around like “What’s everyone screaming about?” He pulled forward and jumped out. Hmm. He “stumbled” out and walked over like he bumped into a fence or something.

All these people were gathering and the dude in the yellow shirt was shouting at the driver who was acting like it wasn’t such a big deal. The cops took forever to show up. Then finally an ambulance and a fire truck (because they always send a fire truck) showed up. The guy was rolling on the ground and kinda twisted up. Jess was shaken by it. I wasn’t. I’ve seen worse (Alex knows what I’m talking about) and for as stupid as the drunk driver was this guy shouldn’t have been sitting on the curb.

Me and Jess were watching from the window when a cop spotted us and asked if we called. Jess said yes and we told him what we knew. The driver’s boys were trying to defend him and saying that the guy was trying to scam the driver. I acknowledge that the guy who got crushed is a cruiser in the area. I have been seeing him and his boys all week. But that doesn’t mean you have free reign to run over whoever you please because you don’t like how they live.

After talking to the cops and watching the drama we ate and then headed to the Observatory. It was a nice night out. The air was cool up there and we sat and talked a bit. Jess dozed off at some point while we overlooked the city. I demand a do over for yesterday. Because if all that silliness hadn’t happened the night would have been way cooler.

Oh, and Ikuko never answered her phone and we didn’t see her at the shop.

Rockets.

"The Suspect Is Black And Skinny! I Repeat! Black And..."

In one of my last blogs I mentioned being handcuffed. I just thought I’d share the story here. I may start posting those blogs here as I have way too many. Yeah, I talk too much. Wanna make something of it? I have provided a picture of my mug during this time period.

And so begins the tale of me being handcuffed in high school with three guns aimed at my face and chest. How did this happen to me? Did I beat someone up? Was I acting crazy? No. Just cashing a check.

I was still a soldier during high school. I use that term all kinds of lightly. I never went to basic training. I only went to drills on weekends. It sucked because I would get paid hundreds of dollars and end up with a check for about $11. I didn’t have a job during high school so that $11 bucks was cool. I could buy dozens of packs of Winterfresh with that! I didn’t have a 6th period class so I decided to use that time to head to Wells Fargo and cash my big ass check. So I get to the corner diagonal from Eat-A-Pita and a cop car whipped by. Then another one. And another one. Is that the sound of tires screeching? Why, yes, it is. And they’re coming straight at me.

Police He Naw Givin' No Break!

I love watching Cops. Why? Because I like watching people do dumb shit. I like watching people in situations I will never be in. Well, I hope I’m never in these situations. I cant imagine a situation where I’m running my Black ass down the street wearing baggy shorts and no shirt with house shoes jumping over fences while a K9 until is nipping at my heels. Yes, it sounds exciting but hopefully it never happens. Here are some interesting things I have learned from watching Cops and various things involving the law man.

You Make ‘Em Chase You They Will Hurt You

If you are gonna run from a cop, make sure to put all your energy into it. I have sat and watched a high speed chase for three hours only to have some goofy bastard jump from the car and start jogging away. I have seen people run for the bus with more gusto! If you’re gonna book it, book it as hard as you can! Run hard, run long. Don’t jog and frolic away. Because when they catch you, just for making them run, they are gonna beat the shit out of you.

Wear Appropriate Clothing

Much like the baggy pants, people tend to get in trouble with the law while dressed in shit I wouldn’t wear to take the trash out. You cant escape in flip flops. Have you ever heard about someone the cops are looking for someone described as wearing house shoes? No. Because you cant run in house shoes! Wear sneakers or boots and for God’s sake tie your laces. Imagine almost getting away and then tripping and landing on your face. This is why in so many mug shots people have bloody faces. Its not always the cops that do it.
People fall down.

Get Your Story Straight

You cant say you just met some guy that sold you drugs and then have him say you’re roommates. It doesn’t add up. If you’re gonna do a drug deal or pick up a hooker make a short story up. Say you just met at a bar or club. Don’t say “Oh, I was just giving her a ride somewhere…” We all know folks ain’t that friendly.

Just Fess Up

Admit it. Its your crack. The cop didn’t plant it on you. No one slipped it into your pocket. Just tell the damned truth. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “He planted it on me!” No, you planted it on you and grew a whole new set of problems.

Shut Up

If you get pulled over for speeding and a cop asks you “Do you know why I’ve stopped you?”, he doesn’t want your life story. He asked a simple question. “You pulled me over ‘cause I got a couple body parts in my trunk and some blood in the backseat! Oh, and ‘cause I’m Black!” I’m watching Cops right now and this dude had his wife call because he’s drunk and acting stupid. They show up and he’s like “I got weed in my pocket.” They didn’t ask. Then they tell him to go inside, his wife and baby will stay somewhere else for the night. He goes “Cool. Can you tell her to give me my money?” The hell?! Shut up, and go inside! Finally he tells the cops to just take him to jail. Really? They say no. He asks again and they oblige. Then he changes his mind. He wants to go inside. They toss him in the car and he starts banging his head on the door. Come on, man…

I have been handcuffed once but not arrested. I’ll post that story eventually. They thought I was a bank robber. Yeah. Anyhoot, stay out of jail.

Rockets.