Your Fantasy Dinner Will Suck

It always starts with a simple question: If you could invite any three historical figures to dinner, who would you invite?

Obviously, Jesus. Right? Wrong. From jump street you have ruined your dinner. Now, this isn't an attack on religion or anything like that. But inviting Jesus to dinner is like bringing your mother to the strip club. Again. We all know how that ended last time.

Why would you bring the one person that knows everything about you? I'm not talking about where you work and your email passwords. I'm talking about everything. Shit that you talk to no one about. He's sitting at a dinner table with you and some other nerds you brought.

Besides Jesus people tend to add someone that they believe made some form of historical impact. If you're Black its likely Martin Luther King Jr. and if you're White its likely Martin Luther King Jr. because you don't wanna seem racist. Jesus and I both know how you think. Ya racist.

Video Blog 1: "False Outrage"

This is me babbling in video form instead of my Rosscast. Consider this a special feature. I talk about the outrage over Jay-Z's "New York State of Mind" song and facebook nonsense.

Rosscast Episode 51: Skankarific!!!

As promised I welcomed to my show the Skeptical Halfbreed himself, Kiyoshi Parker! We talk about everything from sex, drinking, growing up, figuring out why Jesus was so angry, why we hate cars and don't drive, "Roman Soldier's", and why we don't care what a womans hair looks like. I hope you all like what is the longest Rosscast yet. Enjoy!

Jesus Christ Pose

What if Jesus had an afro with a chinstrap? Would He be worshipped differently? Of course. A couple of weeks ago I asked my girlfriend why it was so important to certain races that Jesus looked like them. Okay, this is not the time for me to beat around the bush. If you know me then you know one thing I cant stand is a bush beater. Blacks and Whites are the ones that tend to argue over what Jesus looked like. Does it really matter?

You can go to certain parts of the city and country and people will have a Black Jesus hanging up in their house. Most White homes will have the White, or traditional, Jesus. Latinos use the White Jesus. Its been the one we are all used to and some are more comfortable with. Why is that? A few years back Time magazine did this thing where they created what Jesus would have “really” looked like. People got pissed!

Gone was the “What you talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?!” afro. Gone were the beautiful blue eyes that you could get lost in with flowing Pantene soft hair. What you got was a rugged, dark Jesus. People didn’t like that. Here is what they woke up to.

They wanted Jesus to look like someone they might know. No one knew this guy. They may have given him change while walking down the street once, but this wasn’t the guy they had been praying to for all these centuries.

What I’m saying is that what he looked like doesn’t matter. Or at least it shouldn’t. Paying that much attention to what the son of God looked like is wrong for so many different reasons. They say that Jesus was love. Not once did they say, “He was White with baby soft skin.” People have for years tried to find things in the bible to back up their claim of what he looks like. “They say his skin was like copper!” Okay. I know one person alive that has skin like copper. Donatella Versace. I met her in person and it was a terrifying experience.

People need to stop figuring out what He looked like and what he stood for. Even if you think that Jesus wasn’t real and that God doesn’t exist take what good you can from what is taught in His name and not all the negative shit we read about in the papers and see on TV. Jesus never said to blow stuff up or touch children in harmful ass ways. People have perverted what should be a beautiful thing with over thinking. Life. You know what’s funny? Those that don’t believe in Jesus are the ones that seem to spend the most time talking and thinking about him.

Rockets.