Barbecue Rib Fight

There are some people you can just look at and know not to fuck with them when it comes to food. Let's take 45 year old Sabrina Davis of Indiana. At 5'7” and 256 pounds she obviously is a fan of snacky yum-yums. So when the daughter of a lady hosting a barbecue tried to stop Sabrina from taking the last rib she got a fork to the eye. I'd never try to take barbecue from someone six inches shorter than me but 36 pounds heavier. Angela Watkins, the last brave woman on Earth, told Sabrina that she was taking “all the food.” By the way, this is such a Black thing to say. We will accuse you of eating all the food and letting out all the heat. 

Sabrina wasn't having that shit so she stabbed Angela in the eye with a fork. Sabrina said it was self defense because Angela had grabbed a knife from the dishwasher. Angela moved the pan away from Sabrina and the heavens quaked since they knew that violence was now on the menu. If I was in the kitchen I would have moved the kids behind me and told them to prepare to have a story to tell to their children. Sabrina ended up with a felony of criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon. Angela's left eye was swollen and bloodshot. The one question that wasn't answered is the most important: Who got the last rib?

Woman Stabs Boyfriend For Eating Thanksgiving Dinner Without Her

Damn. Some folks take Thanksgiving more seriously than others. Jack-Lyn Blake of Pennsylvania who is 47 years old and too goddamn old to be acting this silly stabbed her 45 year old boyfriend Benjamin Smith in the chest after he started eating dinner without her. I could spend an entire blog just breaking down her silly ass name. Jack-Lyn? Really? Hey, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dawn-Tay. Weirdo.

So the story goes that Benjamin and Jack-Lyn got into an argument earlier in the day because you can't really call it a holiday if there isn't a fight. Jack-Lyn needed a little nappy poo after getting wasted and when she woke up she discovered Benjamin balls deep in turkey and stuffing. She charged him, chasing him around the dinner table while Benny Hill's theme played in the background (in my head), and eventually caught him. Then it became stab time. Police were called and when they arrived Jack-Lyn came out saying “I stabbed him” because she has never watched TV and on TV they tell you to never admit guilt.

Hater Ruins Awesome Birthday

This is the picture of a hater. Look at this guy. Antonia Flores Narcisso, 42, of San Antonio, Texas was arrested for attacking his roommate that was celebrating his 35th birthday. Was he mad that he didn't get no cake? Well, yes. In a sense. You see, Antonio was mad that his roommate was making too much noise while having sex with two women. According to reports he kicked down the door and complained about the noise and his roommate told him to get out of the room because he was getting his bang on. Antonio didn't like that so he got a knife from the kitchen (as opposed to those awesome bathroom blades) and stabbed him in the head, back, and hands. He went to the hospital and the women were able to pick Antonio from a lineup. This happened in May and he was just arrested. He was charged with burglary of a habitation with the intent to commit felony force. Or just being a hater. The roommate is fine now but has either the best or worst birthday story depending on how you look at it.  

Man Raped By Fake Romanian Angelina Jolie

A terrifying monster claiming to be an Angelina Jolie look alike was arrested for the rape and stabbing of a man in Romania. Luminita Perijoc, 31, said in court that she was on medication when she committed this shit. By the way, Erf. Be careful because “I am on medication” or “I forgot to take my medication” is the new “I was drunk and can't be held responsible for my actions.” The victim, Nicolae Stan, also 31, a cab driver was delivering wine to her home when she held him at knife point. Hmm. Sounds fishy. This all occurred in 2012 but just now wrapped up because everyone in that country is a vampire and night court moves slowly. It's all “Your honor, bleh!” this and “I object, bleh!” that. Stan showed up at Luminita's place when she whipped a four inch blade on him. I whipped a four inch blade on a girl once. She laughed at me. And by blade I mean my dick. And by my dick I mean this never happened.

So she undressed him and demanded that he go down on her. And by go down on her I mean oral sex. And by oral sex I mean he was forced fed poontang pie. I don't know about you but I am cracking myself up writing this. Anyhoot, after she got her rocks off she forced him to bone her two times. He couldn't get it up for a third session so she got made and stabbed him a few times. Listen, ladies. Not to sound crude or anything but the dick don't always work that way. Just because you're hot and even when we want to have the sex, that doesn't mean its gonna always get up. I have heard so many women say “No man has ever had a problem getting it up for me!” Read about my wangs adventures here! 

Good for you because the day it happens (and believe me, it will) you will cry tears of confusion and rage. Its science. Maybe he needed to rest a minute. Lucretia McEvil wasn't having none of that and Stan escaped to the bathroom where he was able to call police. 

Rosscast Episode 163: Premature Emancipation

In this episode I talk about crazy ass animals boning and making new animals that scare me, that chick flipping her top at Target over here on La Brea and Santa Monica, that ass clown that tried to blow up Time Square and failed epically, some kid throwing hot water on a girl (this was over lack of candy I shit you not), that Arizona law and how its very much NOT like Nazi Germany, and the best ways to stay on my not so bad side as there is no good side to me. Click here to download this episode of the Rosscast and click here to download, listen, and subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!