Batman Is Better Than You

Batman fucking rules. The end. That would set a record for my shortest blog. Honestly, that’s all I should have to write. Batman is the best character in comics. You can argue this with me and I will not budge. Just one glance at his symbol and you know who he is. Growing up you were either a Hulk Hogan or Ultimate Warrior kid. A Voltron or Transzor-Z kid. A Batman or Superman kid. You couldn’t get away with saying that both were your favorites since they were polar opposites of one another. On one side there’s The Dark Knight. On the other The Man Of Steel. Out of the two of them which would make you shit your pants coming out of the shadows?

You know what else makes Batman rule? He has no superpowers. That’s right. Batman has no powers besides being smart, violent, and innovative. He is a man who had his parents murdered right in front of him and decided that no one should ever suffer the same pain. He left his lavish lifestyle and traveled the world learning how to beat people up. He was gone for years and when he came back tough as nails he still didn’t think he was ready until a giant bat crashed through the window and he became a bat. Once he had the costume he was set to ruin the draws of every criminal in Gotham City.

One time Batman and Superman fought. I know that people out there will say “Dante, Superman can throw trains. How in the hell can Batman be a threat to him at all?” I’ll tell you how. Its because Superman is stupid. Batman kept a small piece of Kryptonite and when it was time for battle he had Green Arrow hit him with it and used sonic waves, electricity, and brutality to defeat Supes. This proves that even as an old man, Batman is awesome.

Batman’s alter ego is Bruce Wayne, not the other way around. He is so deep in being Batman that he has to pretend to be a billionaire playboy. He has to go to meetings and smile for the public while inside he is thinking of ways to stop crime and arrest all the rich people surrounding him who he knows are dirty. He’s pretended to sleep with more famous women than guys brag about actually doing. You know that if he could he would never take off the cape and cowl. He seems more exhausted when he takes his tie off than healing his wounds as Batman.

Wonder Woman wants to have sex with Batman. This may be pure speculation but I don’t think so. She follows him around and is super protective of him. Imagine that. An Amazonian princess has the hots for the only member of The Justice League that has no powers, is not from another planet, or made of energy. Batman always plays it cool though. He has enough women trying to get in his tights. Talia al Ghul, Catwoman, Zatanna, Vicki Vale, and Poison Ivy. That’s part of a large list by the way. He doesn’t even have to show his face to get chicks!

And lastly, one of the reasons Batman rules ass is because he is one of the few superheroes to have a successful and awesome film! Not one, but two! And with the third on the way that looks like its gonna break box office records. The first film took two characters that people barely know, The Scarecrow and Ras al Ghul, and made them cool. In the second film The Joker was reinvented. The next film will feature Bane, the asshole that broke Batman’s back. But you know what? Batman came back. Yeah, it was after he hired a psychopath Azrael and then had Dick Grayson cover for him, but whatever. No one can keep Batman down and for the rest of history he will be better than you.