Dinosaurs Terrify Dante

The other day I went to the Natural History Museum with Cam. It was awesome since I hadn’t been there since I was a little kid. It seemed that back then I went to museums more often and by junior high I didn’t care because the classes only went to boring ass places. It turned out that museums were actually pretty damned cool and that it sucked just because I was surrounded by a bunch of idiots (classmates) and a guide (teacher) that didn’t know what they were talking about. Now when I go its with a friend that’s smarter than me and has, like, culture and shit.

When we were at the NHM, as the cool kids call it, we saw a bunch of dinosaur bones and yes I took these pictures. If I told you I saw dinosaurs and left it at that you’d call me a dirty liar. And you’d be right. Sorry to break it to you like this, but dinosaurs are extinct.

I bet if these things still existed PETA would be nowhere near them. You would see not one naked ass model trying to save these things lives. They are massive. If you have never seen one in person, and this is just their skeleton, the shit’s scary. The small ones are me-sized. Yes, I am a unit of measurement. One friend described something as being “Two Dante’s tall.” These damned things are like six me’s tall and are made of nothing but kill and hurt. If man and dinosaur existed at the same time we would’ve last a week.

As we walked around all I could think about was that I was surrounded by creatures that once walked this very planet. Yeah, it was millions of years ago but still, right there in a building, you can see their bones. I think another thing that makes me nervous about these things is that they have tiny brains.

When I see something big with a tiny brain all I think is “That stupid thing is gonna step on me and not even feel it because its brain is dedicating 70% of its energy towards looking for things to kill and the other 30 to shitting things out.” They say some dinosaurs ate only plants. Bullshit, I say. They eat anything smaller than themselves.

Jurassic Park is full of crap by the way. When you see those kids running away from these things or packs of dinosaurs rushing past them and they come out unscathed its preposterous. A pack of pigeons would hurt somehow let alone giant lizards with claws and teeth. Sorry. Birds. They now say birds are their closest relatives which I still don’t believe. I cant allow the idea of a T-Rex with the ability to fly to enter my thoughts. That is far too shit materializing to think about.