I Eat Animals

If you’re a sensitive person or love the work of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) you should probably skip right past this blog. Over the past week during Thanksgiving I kept seeing and hearing about this new ad they had to stop people from eating turkey during the holidays. Fuck the holidays. They don’t want you to eat it ever. Like ever. Fuck that. I like turkey. I like pig. I like cow. I like chicken, fish, and pretty much any animal that once had the ability to produce tears and is now placed on my plate hopefully fried in grease made from the fat of another animal. I once stopped eating meat for a couple weeks. You know what happened? Pure, unfiltered hate emanated from my body. You could feel that shit from across the street.

I feel that I need to point out that I don’t hate vegetarians. More dead animals for me, I say. I’ve dated vegetarians and have friends that are vegetarians. I don’t try to get them to eat meat though they try to get me to stop eating meat. God, I wish carrots could scream. This PETA ad that says that you wouldn’t eat your dog so why eat a turkey. Know what? Some countries do eat dogs. Dog could be the best fucking dish ever made and the only reason I haven’t tried it is because McDonald’s doesn’t have a McPitbull sandwich. Yet. They want you to eat tofu instead. Nope. And guess what else? I never had a pet turkey. If I did maybe I would change my mind about eating them. Or maybe I wouldn’t. There’s some places that eat their dead. My dead relatives might be fucking scrumptious but I’ll never know. Stupid laws…

PETA gets attention by having people damn near naked or by being extreme. They have photos of animals gutted and draped over models. Or they fuck up fur clothing. You know, if I had a cause that had the ability to change someone’s mind by having a nude model then I would question the intelligence level of these folks. “Hey, I’m starting a new club where we all get adult circumcisions. Wanna join? No? Well, what if I show you some tits?!” What bothers me most about PETA is the superior attitude the members have. “I don’t eat meat so I’m a good person!” No, you’re not. Am I? Of course! I have a fucking God complex! I naturally think I’m better than everyone.

Should we treat animals nicely? As an American citizen only the cute furry ones we keep as pets. Some snakes and frogs. Birds sometimes. But only the colorful ones that don’t shit on cars or shoulders. Everything else is fair game. I know that sounds wrong but deep in your heart you know its how you feel. Rats suck. Squirrels are cute and rule. They’re the same fucking thing pretty much to me. It may seem mean what I’m saying but you know what? If you dropped dead and no one is there to find you, your pet is gonna eat your goddamn face off. Yeah, the same pet that you walk, feed, pay hundreds to get shots, and love will make a meal out of you if you kicked the bucket. And if I were White this is how I’d dress my meat eating kids.