Dante's Fuckit List Entry 2

This is the second entry in my Fuckit List. If you want to see the first one just click here and learn to dislike me for a whole new set of reasons. The next entry is something that everyone promises to do around the start of the year or after a doctor tells them that though they are 25 they have the body of a 60 year old.

Looking Great.

Now, this isn’t to say that I don’t look…okay. No one would ever accuse me of looking as if I were chiseled from granite or anything. But I get by okay. My arms are good and solid. My legs are what gods dream of having. My stomach…yeah. Not so much.

I have wanted to be one of those guys that walk around the beach with no shirt on. At one point I was super thin. I was 5’10” and 150 pounds. When I look at those pictures its creepy. Right now I am 6’1” and one stone over 200 pounds. At one point I was 249 pounds of sweaty man. Those were dark times. Now, I didn’t lose the weight through hard work and discipline.

I got food poisoning.

Within three months I dropped down to 190 pounds because I was scared to eat cafeteria food at the hospital. I didn’t even notice the weight drop off but even still it wasn’t like underneath all the weight waiting were glistening abs. Just flat stomach.

I’ve realized that while I don’t have the healthiest eating habits (shut up, Dan), rarely exercise, and have a family that has diabetes and heart attacks, I’m doing pretty okay. And its not just because I am poor and cant buy food. No one sees me butt booty ass naked except me. And if I were with someone and dropped my draws and took my shirt off and they were horrified I’d just let them leave and imagine them doing things that would’ve taken at least three dates to accomplish.

I don’t need rippling abs and the ability to make my chest dance. Which I can do. Seriously. Next time you see me ask. But at 33...fuck it. I don’t need to impress anyone with my looks. I manage to have cute women like me. Mostly because I can make people laugh for some reason. And if Christina Hendricks’ husband who looks like a small ape can bag her with humor, then damn it, I have hope!