What's The Scariest Thing In The World?

Ask someone what the scariest thing in the world is. Some will say aliens, bees, ghosts, poverty, or even clowns. And they are all correct. There is no set standard for fear. Anything can be scary. But I’m here to tell you what the scariest thing on the planet is. Sure, at first you’ll laugh at me and think I’m being silly but afterwards you’ll be afraid to be in the same building as this thing.

A naked ass man.

Know fear.

I have had many conversations with people where I have shared this opinion. They say “What’s so scary about a naked man?” to which I reply “What isn’t?!” The reason a naked man is the scariest thing in the world is that a naked man is capable of anything. When you see a psycho killer holding a weapon you know what to expect. See a knife, oh you may get stabbed. See a chainsaw, you may get sawed in half. See a nail gun, you may be on a terrible first date.

When eHarmony goes bad.

When a naked man is just…there, you don’t know what the fuck is gonna happen. Think about that for a minute. You come home and a naked man is just standing in the middle of your living room. There are way too many things that can possibly happen.

1. He can try to lay hands on you.

2. He’s going to attack you.

3. He’s going to do absolutely nothing.

"You're home early?! Yay!!!"

Now, the third one doesn’t sound too bad but the image of a naked dude just standing there doing nothing is almost as bad as him trying to attack you. It just leads to this awkward ass standoff where you don’t want to make the first move just as bad as you don’t want him to make the first move.

Some women are thinking that a naked man in their place cant be all that bad. That’s because you may think that a really in shape, hot guy will be waiting. No, in many cases the guy will look like me. I’m a mess naked. Seriously. You will never see me running around without a shirt on let alone surprising you in your home.

The opposite of what you'll get.

Whenever someone thinks that I’m gay I don’t fight it the way that most straight men would. I describe myself as “scary straight.” You know how “the quiet ones” are always the freaky ones? I’m like that in a straight way. If I didn’t keep this shit in check I wouldn’t have 95% of my friends since I hang with nothing but women. The fact that a butt booty ass naked man is scary pretty much eliminates wanting to bed a man. That and men look like apes to me.

"Let the rape party...commence!"