Kids These Days 4

I typed in "insane child" on Google and this was one of the first images to pop up. It needs to be replaced with an image of a child doing what apparently is the latest trend: drinking motherfucking hand sanitizer to get goddamn drunk. Kids are stupid. This is not new information. They have to be clothed, fed, and changed until hopefully they start doing that shit for themselves.

Pictured: Responsible teen.

What are you, an ass? I know that kids want to get fucked up on stuff (click here to watch a news report). They sniff glue, lick windows, and eat paint chips. I get it. Life is hard. What with growing tits, having bad skin, and having to do homework all week sometimes even on Fridays. Oh, the pain of it all! It seems that liquid sanitizer has 62% ethyl alcohol and is 120 proof. That’s more proof than they tried to use against OJ Simpson!

"It's essentially a shot of hard liquor" said Cyrus Rangan, director of the toxicology bureau for the L.A. County Public Health Department and a medical toxicology consultant for Children's Hospital Los Angeles. "All it takes is just a few swallows and you have a drunk teenager. It is kind of scary that they go to that extent to get a shot of essentially hard liquor."

Don't it make ya thirsty!

Squirting this into your mouth can cause slurred speech and your stomach to burn. Yeah. That’s what that chick I met at Barnes & Noble said during that scandalous encounter in the bathroom stall. Drinking cough syrup and vanilla extract doesn’t floats kids boats and thought "I’m not getting as fucked up and I should. I’m gonna drink some hand sanitizer."

Honestly, if your kid gets their hands on this and drinks it and they are over, say, the age of 3, let them stay at the hospital. Don’t even visit. Just pack up and move. That kid isn’t gonna accomplish anything in life. Its called cutting your losses.

We're doomed. We're all doomed. 

"Over the years, they have ingested all sorts of things" said Helen Arbogast, injury prevention coordinator in the trauma program at Children's Hospital Los Angeles. "Cough syrup had reached a very sexy point where young people were using it. We want to be sure this doesn't take on the same trend."

There are videos online of kids drinking this stuff and getting wasted. If I had a kid and saw them online doing this I would light a match on their tongue and wait for the show to start. I know that sounds extreme but not as extreme as drinking fucking hand sanitizer!

Do Not Want Dog agrees. 

I cant even begin to describe how stupid that is! This is our future. When the alien overlords arrive and we try to talk them out of fucking us up all they’ll do is show a video of a kid doing this and all we’ll be able to say is "Okay…make it fast."

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