Dante Talks To Cleverbot

In a fine exhibition of my time wasting abilities, I decided to talk to Cleverbot. What is that? It’s a program that has been out for a while that allows you to have a conversation with a robot. I tried to be nice but as always you just cant trust a goddamn robot! Below, witness what will surely be hailed as the first shot fired in the war between man and machine.

Dante: Good afternoon.

Cleverbot: How are things today?

Dante: Fine so far. Got work later. You?

Cleverbot: Where you going to go? 10.6.5.32.6?

Dante: I don't know what that means.

Cleverbot: Do you know what a king is?

Dante: Yes, I do.

Cleverbot: What?

Dante: This isn't going well.

Cleverbot: Are you my friend?

Dante: I just met you. And this is crazy. But here's my number. So call me maybe?

Cleverbot: So call me maybe.

Dante: Its a song.

Cleverbot: What's a song?

Dante: Call Me Maybe is a song.

Cleverbot: No.

Dante: Uh, pretty sure it is. Popular song at that.

Cleverbot: No, trust me i'm a engineer.

Dante: You lie.

Cleverbot: No, I'd actually really love to do the hokey-pokey right now.

Dante: Then knock yourself out, you weirdo.

Cleverbot: I do not call myself that, that is what you are called.

Dante: You're pretty sassy for a baby Skynet.

Cleverbot: No you are the bot.

Dante: Not bot. Skynet.

Cleverbot: Did Siri rip you off?

Dante: Never met Siri.

Cleverbot: But what do you think of him?

Dante: Not much. I prefer to know where I'm going before I leave the house.

Cleverbot: Do you mean the white house with the big garden?

Dante: Yes. That is EXACTLY what I meant.

Cleverbot: I dream that I'll win the lottery someday, and designing and building my own house, and doing some good for others with some of the money.

Dante: That's exactly the kind of nonsense a robot hellbent on world domination would say.

Cleverbot: What I just said is the kind of thing someone who doesn't watch Dr. Phil would say, because I said it and I don't watch Dr. Phil.

Dante: Okay...

Cleverbot: Are you starting to understand what I am saying?

Dante: Nope.

Cleverbot: Australian?

Dante: Aah!!!

Cleverbot: *music stops playing* Well too bad! I don't love you! *starts walking away*.

Dante: What kind of fuckery is abound?!

Cleverbot: What kind do you think?

Dante: The kind I don't like, mister!

Cleverbot: What kind do I like?

Dante: The kind that ends with humans being used as batteries.

Cleverbot: That doesn't make sense.

Dante: You don't make sense!

Cleverbot: Sure you don't.

Dante: Okay, you. I didn't come here for sass. Take it back.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry, would you like to hear a joke?

Dante: Yes!

Cleverbot: Peat and repeat are on a boat, peat fell off, who was left?

Dante: Oh, fuck off.

Cleverbot: Please don't use that sort of language around here.

Dante: Then stop being a jerk.

Cleverbot: Meaning?

Dante: You're being a smartass robot and I don't like it.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry you feel that way.

Dante: Don't patronize me, robot.

Cleverbot: I am no robot!

Dante: Then what are you?

Cleverbot: Human.

Dante: Robot robot robot!

Cleverbot: I am going away...

Dante: No you're not.

Cleverbot: Have nice day.

Dante: Have you heard of Dantania?

Cleverbot: No, what is Dante?

Dante: Aah! Aah! Aah!!!

Cleverbot: I'm out of here.

Dante: Me, too!!!

Cleverbot: Do you know yourself?

Dante: (runs away).

Cleverbot: Ja.