This isn’t a list of physical things I like about women anyway. And before I start I will say that most of these sound like bullshit. Mostly to jaded ass women who have or are dating an asshole that will dump them if they lose their tits or looks. My choices on looks vary from “Holy shit she is too hot to like me!” to looking so strange that my sexuality is questioned. This list is gonna be 100% honest and if you don’t believe me when reading it you can swallow me. Seriously. That would be very nice of you.
1. Women That Read.
“Oh, fuck you!” someone just shouted. But this is true. A woman that reads means that she knows how to sit her ass still and relax. Doesn’t mean she is smart. I hate when people assume someone is smart because they read because some people read some pretty shitty books. When a chick makes the conscious decision to sit down and read for enjoyment it makes me want to jump their bones and put the book down. Yes, that has happened so don’t read around me.
On the flipside, when someone says they don’t have time to read I want to chase them. Not in a good way. I know people that have jobs, kids, and a shit ton of things to do that have time to read a good book. You saying you don’t have time to read just means you have bad time management skills and need to reevaluate your life.
2. Women Who Love Entertainment.
What I mean by this is that I love when a woman enjoys TV shows and movies. I don’t even care if it’s a bad TV show. Some people are ashamed to admit they watch reality TV but I love talking about those shows even if I don’t watch them because I still keep up with them. Movies too. Tell me about that horrible new movie where Drew Barrymore finds a whale stuck in the ice right before going undercover at her high school and has to battle her wicked step sisters and stopping terrorism.
I remember telling someone that I like when a chick says “I cant talk, I’m watching a show.” That is not insulting to me. That means she knows what her priority is right now and is taking care of it. Its not like I’m calling screaming “Help! I’m locked up!” and she’s all “Fuck you, I’m watching Keeping Up With The Kardashian’s.”
3. Women That Have Hobbies.
This has been a problem in some of my past relationships. They had their job and…that’s it. Its not like I’m saying a chick has to be like “I love hiking, skydiving, scuba diving, and repelling off the sides of mountains.” Just fucking do something. TV can be something! But the problem I’ve had with women with no hobbies is that I become their main source of entertainment. No matter how funny you think I am, I am not always on. Sometimes I wanna just sit my Black ass down and be quiet and read or write and really don’t feel like being a dancing monkey.
Plus, hobbies are fun! How can you walk around this planet and not have something that you enjoy doing? Hobbies are what keep you from going crazy. When a woman has something she enjoys doing I’m happy because that means she has some form of creativity and has to do something or else she feels weird. But if your hobbies really are nothing but activities that require constant sweating or running around the world, you probably wouldn’t like me anyway.
4. Women That Don't Play.
Games! Oh, the games! I don’t like getting treated like crap because I forgot a eight month anniversary. Going based on years is fine. I don’t wanna play the jealousy game. That’s when a girl will do something to intentionally make you jealous. Dress slutty to have other guys look at her and see what you’d do. Give you the silent treatment instead of just, you know, saying what is bothering her. That kinda shit.
What sucks about women who don’t play games is that they usually go through a shit load of bad relationships and by the time they get to my goofy ass they have been burned so many times they have their guard up. Then there are the ones that have put up with shit and games from dudes and want a nice, normal guy. No, I am not close to normal in any sense but I am nice. Well…I can be nice. I like when women are done with all that stuff and want to settle down.
5. Women That Can Talk.
This is the most important one. This is the one that makes or breaks friendships and relationships in my life. If I can sit and talk to you for more than two hours straight, chances are I wanna bone you. There is something about being able to just sit with someone and have a fucking conversation. I love talking to people. Not everyone. Some people I am done after about fifteen seconds. But when I can talk to someone about just the most random nonsense? Mmm! Just awesome.
Now…if a chick is on the cell phone while we are talking I will lose interest in the conversation immediately. If we are talking and you answer a text I will stop talking and want to walk away. Yes, I know that everyone on Erf but me owns a cell phone but look at it this way. Imagine you and a friend are talking. Suddenly, someone you don’t know but they do butts in and starts a whole ‘nother conversation. You say something to them and your friend responds with “Mmm-hmm”’s and laughter at the wrong moment. Its rude and lame as hell.
And before anyone says it, yes, I am aware that some people have to answer because they have important shit in their lives like kids, families, dying ass relatives, or emergencies. But for those of you that absolutely have to text or answer your phone while I am talking to you sleep easy knowing that your behavior does the opposite of turn me on. Like this picture below does.
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