Some dude named David Villalobos who is 25 and should known damned better got wrecked by a Siberian tiger in a New York zoo. According to almost every film I have seen that involves New York, that place seems dangerous enough as it is without flying in monsters from other countries and locking them up where they just wait for the chance to eat a jackass. And in case you’re wondering, most of my information about New York comes from The Warriors. If you haven’t seen that documentary you totally should!
This maroon ended up getting a wound in his back, a bite on his ankle, and a fracture in his knee. Have you seen one of these goddamn things?! They had to save his dumbass by spraying a fire extinguisher at the tiger named Bachuta which we all know is Spanish for “I shouldn’t be in a zoo damn you so watch what happens when someone gets in my cage!” Or something close to that. Bachuta is 400 pounds of fuck your lifestyle. Apparently he was in that cage for ten minutes with furry death. That had to be the longest ten minutes ever. Next to sex with Jennifer Aniston. Seriously, she just looks absolutely no fun in bed.
One of my favorite lines from reading about this was from a cop when asked if Villalobos was emotionally disturbed. “It certainly appears that way” he said before shaking his head at such a stupid question. I would’ve been like “Oh, no. He s a perfectly normal person who decided that the tiger seemed far too cuddly to be left and alone jumped over the secure fence and rolled on the ground with it.”
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| Daaaaaaww... |
This story is like that assclown that got eaten by a bear. We know that nature is a cruel whore permanently on the bleeds yet sometimes some idiot decides to dance on the minefield that is the great outdoors. If nature is locked away, behind two fences mind you, let it be. Don’t hop that shit and try and pet it. Just let it sit there and be a deadly fucking thing.
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| If you see this running at you, that's your ass. |
Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.
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