Disney's Not Latino Princess

Holden: “They’re not saying anything about you now. Okay? They’re talking about fictional characters. Fictional characters. Am I…am I getting through to you at all?” 

Jay: “So, all we gotta do is go stop the fuckin’ movie from gettin’ made.” 

Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

As many of you know, I will find anything to bitch about. But sometimes something comes up and I have to bitch about the bitchers. Disney does not need my help defending themselves against a bunch of yahoos that not only have things to complain about that don’t affect their lives, but believe in their bullshit enough to start campaigns and try and get Disney to…I don’t even know.

"No one will complain about this. I promise."

There’s some new terrible ass made for TV “animated” cartoon about a new character named Princess Sofia. One Disney representative made the mistake of saying that she was Latina. Now, we all know that every race wants to be represented in TV and movies. But it has to be the way they want it. Latinos are pissed because Sofia has blue eyes and her skin isn’t dark enough. Because as we all know there are no Latinos with blue colored eyes. That shit isn’t even a real thing.

The thing that gets me is that she is being criticized for not being “Hispanic enough.” Just so you know, I rarely say Hispanic. I tend to say Latino the same way I say “Blacker” instead of “Black” or “African American.” Disney says that the character isn’t Latino in the first place and that someone spoke out of turn when they said she was. By the way, what the hell does it take to be Hispanic enough? You can easily slide into some racist ass territory with that line of thinking. If someone saw a single goddamn sombrero they would lose their minds.

"I...I cant. My parents think you're Mexican."

Senior Vice President of Blah Blah Bloopity Blop for Disney Junior Worldwide released a statement saying “What’s important to know is that Sofia is a fairytale girl who lives in a fairytale world. All our characters come from fantasy lands that may reflect elements of various cultures and ethnicities but none are meant to specifically represent those real world cultures. The writers have wisely chosen to write stories that include elements that will be familiar and relatable to kids from many different backgrounds including Spain and Latin America. For example, Sofia’s mom comes from a fictitious land, Galdiz, which was inspired by Spain.” 

Some would say that’s a corporate response to public outrage. Maybe it is. Either way, it’s a good response and a nice way of saying she's a fictional fucking character!. But they know how people are. Blackers got mad when that Princess & The Frog movie came out. People said she wasn’t Black enough which made me wonder what was Black enough? Did she need an afro? Jerry curl?! Because, like with the Latino stuff, you can take one tiny step too far and end up in an even larger shit storm.

Mmm-hmm!

You can be any race and have blue eyes. The standard for the longest time with Disney films were White chicks. Then they made stuff like Mulan and Pocahontas to shut people up like “Here’s your race, damn it! Now leave us alone!” I seriously don’t give much of a damn about race. We’re all just a bunch of meat bags that happen to be in different packages, some better than others. Like this cute little muscle machine.

My secret weapon.

Now, society will always call this beautiful little future fight factory Black no matter what color her eyes are. Is it common? Nope. Does she have parents that are mixed? Yes. But neither of them have blue eyes. With this Sofia character, even if her eyes were brown people would say she didn’t have dark enough skin. If her skin was darker it’d be called too dark. Then people would say her accent wasn’t strong enough. Stop looking to Disney for a hero. That’d be like me asking DC Comics for a cool Black superhero.

Yep. Still waiting.

Or you can just smarten up and find better strong women to have your daughters want to be like instead of some half a slave ass woman still living at home that has to be saved by some shallow ass prince that will fuck you just because of magic spells or because even though she’s funky as hell, she cleans up well. And there’s always Pippi.

Madness. Thy name is Longstocking.