Kids These Days 9

Oh, you kids and your crazy…things. On my Facebook we had a whole discussion about butt chugging which is when you insert a tube in your ass and pump it full of beer or whatever’s handy. That’s bad for you. Your ass is exit only except for special occasions like Saturday. But this story I saw about a chick named Gaby Scanlon from England is far worse. I’d rather consume booze with my ass then have my stomach removed. How could an 18 year old girl celebrating her birthday have her stomach removed? Oh, by consuming some of this.

Yum yum give me some!

Yeah, that’s liquid fucking nitrogen. Its used for keeping shit cold and making science experiments in school seem half interesting. I know that people like to do strange shit with alcohol, but putting nitrogen in my drink is not something I’m interested in. She got the drink at a bar and later started “…becoming breathless and developing severe stomach pain” and “diagnosed with a perforated stomach.” Doctors had to perform a gastrectomy which removed her stomach because she swallowed liquid fucking nitrogen!

For those times when you want to die but get drunk at the same time.

This stuff is hundreds of degrees below zero. You remember that time you couldn’t go to school because it was too cold out? Imagine stepping out the door and then dying! That’s how cold that shit is. There are ways to make your food fun by using it properly but nuts to that. Just give me some Jack Daniel’s with regular ass ice cubes wait ten minutes and enjoy the show. The place that served the drink cant make them for a while since an investigation is going on.

What happened to kids having regular fun? You know what entertained me as a child and till this day? Door stops with springs. I have been on this planet for over 30 goddamn years and if I walk into a house that has one I will bend down, thwack it, and laugh like a special needs child with a candy bar. Hopefully Snicker’s. 

Best. Toy. Ever.

Kids and teens are way too hard to please now. In a few years they’re gonna have to do shit you did on your worst night in college just to crack a smile. Have you seen that Hot Wheel’s backpack? I have and fuck these kids for having such an awesome toy!

Whaaaaa...?!

Click here for previous Kids These Days.