The Spank Bank's Fiscal Cliff

I have had people ask me what a Spank Bank is. Urban Dictionary describes it as “A memorable collection of mental images that one wishes to retain for masturbational purposes.” That is the perfect definition. I have written about my own personal SB's in the past and they involved everything from musicians, actresses, to fictional characters. Unless we're related no one is safe from a Spank Bank.

No one.

The thing with Spank Banks is that it rotates. Not everyone stays in the bank forever. You can have an ex-girlfriend in there for a long time after you split and then she gets replaced by someone you saw walking down the street. Its that easy. Its usually filled with women you know you cant have. At least that's my experience with it. If you have known me for more than three minutes you know that I kinda have a thing for Rosario Dawson.

Will she ever have sex with me? Nope. But that doesn't stop her from being deposited. That's the magic of the bank. There are probably three girls reading this right now that have no idea that they have occupied my bank for a while. Or maybe they do know. Hello. Comfortable? Haven't seen you in a while. You look good. Been working out? Yeah. I can tell. We should hang out sometime.

I've actually been asked by women if they were in my bank. That's not cool. You cant ask that kinda question without being withdrawn from the bank. The best part about it is having someone not know they are there. If you have been confirmed as being deposited you need to make a withdrawal. From my pants.

My Spank Bank's wealth has been dropping considerably the past years years. Between pregnancies, marriages, and silly relationships, all the women I like in the real world and fantasy have been vanishing. And this isn't their fault. I'm just far more immature than I appear most of the time. 

The Fap File has slowly replaced the Spank Bank in the past year or so but these are temporary fixes. I look to the next generation of actresses to deposit in the bank but they're withdrawn before I can even spend them due to them opening their mouths. Most young girls are stupid and that's not cute. Lots of them are cute but they don't look like “women.” Like, Jennifer Lawrence is being called sexy but even in her “sexiest” pictures she looks like an 18 year old girl. Plus blue eyes and blond hair creeps me out 9 ½ times out of ten.

What was the point of all of this? Nothing really. Just pointing out that the less horny I am the less violent I get. I become a bitch factory when I'm horny or hungry. I have money for food but refuse to pay for sexy. In cash. Emotionally, yes.