In this Five Things I Learned From Facebook I'm going to talk about the things that I've learned from being on the site, good and bad. Mostly bad. But some good. If it was totally bad I sure as hell wouldn't be on it. Or maybe I would. Some of your friends post some funny ass pictures that are supposed to be sexy. I employed the help of Miley Cyrus for this.
1. People Are Not As Awesome As They Seem
The way some people write you would think they would be too damned busy running, hiking, going to concerts, fucking, and partying to be posting how they are doing these things. Its funny to me when you know that someone isn't all that damned active and complain about how bored they are but their pictures seem to show a whole other side to them. Sometimes its like “How can you post that you are bored at 6 in the morning when you were just partying four hours ago?!”
You have some people that seem like they are superheroes with all the stuff they manage to fit into their schedules when you personally know it isn't true because when it is true there's really no time for you to post about that shit or write entire paragraphs about how incredible you are. Some women look like the best mother on Earth but when you check their pictures they have their leg tossed over some random dudes shoulder at the club or a father is tagged covered in vomit at a bar.
2. You Will Make New Friends
I have had the pleasure to get and meet some really awesome people through Facebook. There have been people I have met through friends pages and have gotten to hang out with them and its been great. Its a new world and technology makes it so that you can meet new people and become close friends with people even though you never get to see them and most of your contact is through the computer. This is one of those things I had to adapt to since technology makes me nervous. There are people that I talk to more that I've met on Facebook than ones I've known for over ten years.
3. You Will Lose Friends
I have lost perhaps three people that I considered actual friends without actually speaking to them. Just by messaging through Facebook we have gotten into arguments that have stopped years worth of friendship. Texts and messaging are things I am comfortable with but, my god, do things get lost in translation. You have to add smilies or something to let people know that you are just joking, otherwise you've just lost a friend.
4. People Will Learn Your Life Through Photos
You will have people add themselves to your page after you haven't seen them since high school or longer. You will all of a sudden start getting “likes” on pictures from 2007. They are going through from the very beginning of your profile and just troll through all your pictures being weird. They don't really want to be your friend. They want to see whether or not you had some point in your life since they've last seen you where you looked terrible. They also want to be all in your shit. After my school reunion I added a bunch of people from there that I hadn't seen in decades. I suddenly had almost double my normal number (I keep between 35-40 on my page) but wasn't talking to any of them. Just message me and ask what I have been up to, I will tell you what you need to know, and then move on. There's no reason for us to be on each others page.
5. People Will Do Anything For Attention
How many times have you seen a friend post “I am so done with Facebook!”, “I don't need a man/woman in my life!”, or “I'm grown and I take care of my kids and pay my bills!”? People become attention whores at a level that you wouldn't think was possible. Its all to get people asking you what is wrong and what is going on. I actually get pissed when someone I speak to with my voice seem fine and say they are then post about how hard life is. Its like “Are you lying to me or the internet?”
Some people post some super personal shit on their pages. They post personal shit about their spouses, their former spouses, their kids, and how many shits their dog took. Not everything needs to be out there. I know that it seems like I post a lot of personal shit just on these blogs, but honestly, there's a lot of stuff that folks just don't need to know. I'm gonna troll real quick and find a friend of a friends randomly and see what personal shit they posted. Be right back.
“I wonder if you can hook up with women who are strippers on ChristianMingle.”
There's your sign.
Click here for previous Five Things I Learned.
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