Thursday, December 3, 2020

Just Talking With Dante Episode 55



“Again, I wish this was a video call so you could see my face.” - Jasmine

“I know what disappointment looks like.” - Dante

Jasmine here! We talk about a swingers party riddled with Covid, the election finally being over, Rita Ora being a dumb dumbass for her birthday, explore Lori Harvey's sex life, bring back to classic Dear Jasmine segment, and answer a bunch of Random Ass Questions. This was a really funny episode to do. Click here for previous episodes.


Friday, October 30, 2020

Just Talking With Dante Episode 54


“That's a good one. That's a good song.” - Jasmine


“Yes, it is. And its classy! Not about all this goddamn pussy poppin'!” - Dante


In this episode we talk about prison slang, ask some random ass questions, list songs we would use for certain situations, and encourage people to fucking vote. This was a fun ass episode. Click here for previous Just Talking With Dante.


Saturday, October 10, 2020

Just Talking With Dante Episode 53

 


“When was the last time you took a bath?” - Jasmine


“Oh, Jesus. That makes me sound like I'm dirty as fuck!” - Dante


I need to stop saying Jasmine is back and start saying she is here! In this episode we talk about the weather, what to do with my dead ass body, get deep into politics, a fly distracting everyone from recent news, A LOT of Black folk talk, and some more Random Ass Questions for one another. This was a fun episode to record.


Click here for previous Just Talking With Dante.

Sunday, September 20, 2020

Just Talking With Dante Episode 52


“I would like to say that your Cardi B. impersonation sounds like an old Jamaican woman.” - Jasmine


(laughs maniacally) - Dante


Jasmine is here! You love it. I talk about a guy pooping on the curb, catch up on our weeks, talk about California weather versus the rest of the country, Cardi B's divorce, and we answer some Random Ass Questions from one another. This was a really fun episode. Click here for previous shows.


Thursday, September 10, 2020

Just Talking With Dante Episode 51



“His asshole looks like a sharks mouth.” - Dante

“Whoa. Whooooooooaaaa...” - Jasmine

Jasmine is back! In this episode we discuss Black inspiration, supporting Black businesses, the passing of Chadwick Boseman, keeping your celebrity life private, a rappers bootyhole picture being released (that turned out not to be him), R. Kelly getting beat up in jail, Jessica Krug impersonating a Black woman, what our street hustles would be, then random ass celebrity gossip.


Click here for previous episode.

Friday, August 7, 2020

Just Talking With Dante Episode 50


“There are dudes walking around with the dirtiest of dicks.” - Dante

“Ew! Shut up! Ew!” - Jasmine

Jasmine has returned again and there are no audio issues! In this episode Jasmine discusses Beyonce's new Disney+ special, people turning hobbies into careers, chat about music and its influence on us, how we are related and met, and then we go off the rails. Click here for previous episodes.

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Just Talking With Dante Episode 49



“I need to find a fucking way out of this life I'm telling you now. I don't get it.”- Jasmine

“Oh please. If I was a girl and wanted some money you don't want to know the shit I would do.” - Dante

Jasmine is back! Audio sounds much better than before. We talk about our week, alleged shutdowns, I talk about what I miss about seeing movies, random celebrity gossip like Ciara and Russell Wilson's new kids name, the birthing process being gross, Kanye West's week, more gossip, and Jasmine tries out three more weird ass sodas. Click here for previous episodes.

Thursday, July 16, 2020

Just Talking With Dante Episode 48



Jasmine has once again returned...from a distance. In this episode we talk about the Corona virus and how it is making life stank, Covid rumors, Florida playing by its own rules, Googling your birthday and Florida, when we think we will get back to some kind of normal, talk about Megan Thee Stallion getting shot and other celebrity juicy g, Jasmine does a one woman soda taste test. Click here for previous episodes.

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Dante Explains Shit: Defund The Police



Defund the police does not mean get rid of all police. There. Now you don't need to read the rest of this.

George Floyd was killed after being accused of using a counterfeit $20 bill. They knelled on his neck for almost nine minutes. Breonna Taylor was asleep in bed when police barged into her home and shot her. Atatiana Jefferson was shot through her window by police when a neighbor reported that her door was left open. Stephon Clark was shot while standing in his grandmothers yard. They said he had a gun. He was talking on the phone. Botham Jean was eating ice cream in his apartment when an off duty cop entered his home thinking it was hers and shot him. Philando Castille was shot during a traffic stop where he informed the cop he had a licensed firearm. He was immediately killed in front of his wife and 4 year old daughter. Alton Sterling was accused of selling bootleg CD's and DVD's. He was tasered and while being pinned to the ground shot six times. Freddie Gray was arrested and while in a police van suffered a severed spine. Eric Garner was accused of selling loose cigarettes and was choked to death in the street.

Sunday, April 12, 2020

Johnny Panic: Distant



“This is stupid. Why should I have to distance myself socially? Don't the government know who I am? Besides. They couldn't stop me if they wanted to. I got powers.” There is some weird ass virus going around and everybody is freaking out blaming the internet and aliens. I know for a fact it is neither of those things because after the last ass whooping I gave we should be alien free for at least three more years. Hopefully by then I'll develop another superpower. And the internet has never done anything wrong so there's that.

Hello.

My name is Johnny Panic and I do not have the cure to this disease. Or do I? You'll never know.

“You're the worst” Ronica says while bouncing Milly on her lap who is giggling like a lunatic. I think our baby is broken. Bouncing on a lap can't be that much fun. Could it? I'm gonna try it later. With Zazz.

“Why am I the worst?” I ask her.

Sunday, March 8, 2020

Just Talking With Dante Episode 47


“Guess what I'm doing today?” - Dante

“Nothing.” - Jasmine

“'Cause my parents are stank ass rich.” - Dante

Jasmine is back and by using the power of time travel and teleportation we have recorded another episode. We talk about the coronavirus, how we would handle being stuck on a cruise ship, talk about a rapper smacking a woman, get into celebrity gossip, celebrity kids going wild. Click here for this and previous episodes.

Thursday, February 20, 2020

Kids These Days 84


I am so glad I don't have or want kids. A lot of it is because I know that I could not raise a kid in this insane ass world or keep them away from using the internet and likely trying dumb shit like this Skull Breaker Challenge. I guess if the intent is to ruin someone's life it could be considered a challenge. There have been so many that I don't keep track of and write about and stumbled upon this bullshittery. This is not a challenge or a prank. This is assault. I'm not someone who cries wolf...often. But if I had a kid that participated in this I would leave them at a fire station regardless of how old they were or treat them like a parent in the 80's. Translate that however you want.

This ”challenge” consists of having three people standing side by side. The one in the middle, let's call them the victim, jumps up in the air and has their legs swept from underneath them while in the air. They are told they will all jump up at once because you are likely doing this with friends and believe that your friends wouldn't try and change your brain chemistry. I watched a video showing multiple examples of this and I had to stop it. This is coming from someone who watches MMA, wrestling, and boxing. Seeing people hit the back of their heads makes me super cringe because I have done it so many times. The most memorable was chasing someone around a pool and landing back of my head first. There is no other feeling like that. Thankfully I was not knocked out. That happened running into a door face first playing tag a year prior.

Thursday, February 6, 2020

Man Sues Over Sexy Super Bowl


Sometimes there are things I hear or read that make me question my testosterone levels. There is this dude that wants to sue because he is upset about the performance during halftime by Jennifer Lopez and Shakira. By the way this dude, Dave Daubenmire, is a Christian activist with a podcast. I saw most of the performance and I didn't even have a wiggle down there. Dave on the other hand is worried about his soul and the penises of those in his home. “Could I go into a courtroom and say, 'Viewing what you put on that screen put me in danger of hellfire'? Are we going to protect our children or not? Would that halftime show, would that have been rated PG? Were there any warnings that your 12-year-old son - whose hormones are just starting to operate - was there any warning that what he was going to see might cause him to get sexually excited?” Will someone please think of the children?!

I know after Janet Jackson blessed us sixteen years ago (yes, it was that damn long ago!) people are always worried about anything sexy happening during the performances. For those of you too young to remember Miss Jackson and Justin Timberlake performed and at the very end of the show he yanked her top and it opened up and there was lady nipple live on TV. Next thing you know the FCC cracks down on anything that would offend anyone. Don't worry about the fact that the NFL has close to 300 concussions per year. That's fine! But them asses shaking? Two asses?! At the same time?! That, my kind sir, is too much. Oh, and he wants to sue for $867 trillion. That is not even a real number. Just a weird dude looking for attention. “I'm looking for a lawyer to file a class action lawsuit against Pepsi, the NFL, my local cable company for pandering pornography, contributing to the delinquency of a minor.” If he considers that performance pornography he needs a good talking to. And did his son suddenly start wilding out after seeing this?

Dante Learns New Black History: Ida Bell Wells


Today I am gonna write about Ida Bell Wells-Barnett. What I will write is just a taste of her life. This lady did more before she died than I will accomplish if you gave me three more runs at the nonsense I have called my life. Source: me. She was born in Holly Springs, Mississippi on July 16th, 1862. Yeesh. I hear 18-anything and shudder. Her father was born a slave to his father who hired him out as a slave throughout town. Her mother was sold away from her own family and was never able to locate them. And don't forget, since her father was a slave Ida was also a slave. She was later “freed” after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation. By the time she was 16 she had lost her parents and her brother because of the yellow fever. God, every time I do one of these posts I feel both miserable and happy that people existed and exist these days that did so much good shit even though their lives whomped. She took care of her other brothers and sisters while working as a teacher living with her grandmother. Ida was also one of the founding members of the NAACP which some say is debatable.

In 1884 she filed a lawsuit against a train car company for unfair treatment. She won the case but federally they were like “Nah.” Ida wrote about lynchings in America which did not make people happy. She pointed out how it was aimed towards Blacks when it was feared that they were doing well. So of course they ended up burning her newspaper office down. She brought this up after one of her friends was lynched by a mob. She traveled the world telling about how America was lynching the fuck out of Black people. She also spoke about White women that sat by ignoring the lynchings. They didn't like that. She was fighting for Black rights and the rights of women but each of those groups had issues with her. She created the NACWC (National Association of Colored Women's Club) that dealt with civil rights issues and issues for women. I hope theme music played whenever this lady entered the room. I would imagine Rock Steady by Aretha Franklin.

Click here for previous Dante Learns New Black History.

Tuesday, February 4, 2020

Dante Learns New Black History: Cathay Williams


It is time to play catch up because it is already the 4th day of Black History Month and my ass haven't posted in days. Today I heard about this lady named Cathay Williams who was born in September 1844. She was the first Black woman to enlist in the United States Army...as a man! That's right! She used the name William Cathay. Surprise, y'all! She was born in Independence, Missouri to a father that was free and a mother that was a slave. Which means that she was a slave. Isn't it fucked up how that works? While working as a slave in Jefferson City the Union forces would straight up claim Black folk as contraband and and force them to help support the military as nurses and cooks.

Women were not allowed to serve in the military so Cathay used a fake name and served for three years. She passed a medical examination which makes me wonder what these consisted of. Probably made sure you could hold a weapon or lift something kinda heavy. It is said only two people knew she was a lady: a friend and a cousin. Y'all be sleeping on how loyal cousins are! Keep your brothers and sisters. Cousins are the shit. After her enlistment she got smallpox and then joined her unit. She started getting sick more often and after having surgery the doctor discovered that Cathay was a woman. She was then discharged and her life got pretty miserable after that. Why? She was a Black woman living in the 1800's, that's why. In September in 1893 a doctor said that she did not qualify for disability payments despite the fact that she served in the military, had a nerve disease, and diabetes where she had all her toes amputated. There are two other not Black women who were able to get coverage but...yeah. Black. 1800's. Eventually I am gonna cover something that is really cool or funny. I mean, its cool that she was able to do what she did and fight in the military back then. But damn. Also it seems I wrote about her five years ago...

Click here for previous Dante Learns New Black History.