Monday, September 15, 2014

Old Lady Likes Her Quiet

It's hard enough having to take music in school what with everyone calling you a nerd and such. It stinks when you have to take your instrument home. It stinks even more when someone aims a gun at your ass for practicing. 60 year old Cheryl Ann Pifer of Clifton, Colorado pointed her rifle at an 11 year old boy and some other kids in a backyard because she didn't like his clarinet playing. The kid told Pifer that he couldn't play it inside his grandma's house because a baby was sleeping. Pifer didn't want to hear that shit so she shouted “Fire in the hole!” and aimed her gun at them. She faces child abuse and felony menacing charges. Look at this woman. Do you think she gives a damn about those charges? She was released on $5,000 surety. Had to look up what that even was. I bet you that this is not the first time Pifer has pulled something like this. When you get around her age you start to get a little more racist, shoplifting, and hording. You don't start waving guns around at kids. Or maybe you do. Check on me in 25 years.

Daniele Watts Arrest, Race Cards, And Knowing When To Comply

Oh, Daniele Watts. I saw this story yesterday of her being arrested and handcuffed by the LAPD and thought the same thing I usually do when a Black person (Blacker if you're cool) is arrested: unless you're shot or dead, how is this news? I read her post as well as her boyfriends about this whole thing and shit just didn't quite add up to me. I know that since I'm Black that I'm supposed to side with Black people no matter what. OJ is innocent. Obama is a great president. Tupac is still alive. None of those things are true by the way. But then I heard the audio from the arrest. Oh, and just like every other article I must mention that she is Black and her boyfriend is White.

“As I was sitting in the back of the police car, I remembered the countless times my father came home frustrated or humiliated by the cops when he had done nothing wrong. I felt his shame, his anger, and my own feelings of frustration for existing in a world where I have allowed myself to believe that 'authority figures' could control my BEING… my ability to BE!!!!!!!” Watts wrote.

Friday, September 12, 2014

What People Care About This Week: Ray & Janay Rice Abuse Scandal

This week everyone has been talking about Ray Rice's assault of his then fiancee, the new footage released, and Janay Rice's reaction to the public reaction of her reaction. I have found a timeline of the events that have led to a public case of abuse and an organizations pathetic attempt to cover it all up. This is a batch of nonsense that will get a lot worse before this is all said and done.

In the last few days since the video has been released there has been an 84% increase in calls to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. Click here to contact them.

February 15. At the Revel Casino Hotel in Atlantic City Ray and Janay got into a fight. Both were charged with simple assault-domestic violence and were summoned to appear in court.

February 17. Ray Rice's Baltimore Raven's team manager Ozzie Newsome released a statement saying that they would wait for more information before taking any actions. Bad move.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

I Hate This Show Episode 13: Urethra Strong With The Gorgeousness Of The Children

A slow jam with a intro that is too long, a threat fest that goes too far, Bane's birth, a prisoners last meal (true story) that is far too much, and Golum doing a scene from Wolf Of Wall himself. This makes no sense and chances are you won't listen to it anyway. You shoudn't. It's dumb. Click here to download this and previous I Hate This Show.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Texting Girl Kills Great-Grandmother

20 year old Abby E. Sletten of North Dakota was charged with negligent homicide after rear ending a vehicle while going 85mph (that's 136km for the rest of the world). Now, of course I don't write about regular ass car wrecks because those happen all the time. I'm writing about this one because this girl was on her Facebook and texting while driving and I am so sick of people doing this shit all the time. The reason she is being charged with homicide is because the SUV that she hit had a family inside and she killed a 89 year old great-grandmother named Phyllis Gordon of Minnesota. Police said after searching Sletten's phone they “determined that [she] was viewing pictures on her Facebook application at the time of the crash” and “Sletten had also sent and received several text messages since she departed from Fargo.” The patrol made the determination that the car was going between 84 and 86mph “suggested the possibility that Sletten may have not seen the vehicle in front of her or that she was possibly distracted while driving.”

Gordon, the great-grandmother was a passenger in a car that also had her granddaughter, 34 year old Jennifer L. Myers driving, and Myers' daughter. They survived the accident with injuries. I must also note that the SUV they were in was making a slow U-turn when Sletten hit them. CPR was tried on Gordon but was unsuccessful. Sletten has no memory of the accident. Gordon leaves behind her husband who she farmed with, three children, eight grandchildren, and 17 great-grandchildren. Is there gonna come a point where people get hard time for texting while driving? I know most people do it and they get to home, work, or shopping just fine doing it multiple times. But all it takes is that one time to ruin someone elses family and life because you were being irresponsible. Fuck tickets. Licenses need to be taken away forever. I'm about to head out and I guarantee that I will see a minimum of twenty people doing this. It's just not worth it, people.  

Friday, September 5, 2014

Dante Bitches About British GQ Woman Of The Year

You ever see something that is so confusing that your eyes cross? I do. This morning while trolling the internets in my semi-insomonia fueled haze I saw that porn star Kim Kardashian was awarded Woman Of The Year by the British GQ Magazine. Now, British versions of magazines tend to have fucked up ratings when it comes to women in the first place. But to have Kim as the woman of the year? Come on now. Here is what they wrote.

“It's been quite the year for Mrs Kardashian West. She gave birth to her first child, North West, married her rapper boyfriend, Kanye, in one of the most lavish ceremonies on record, and made the transition from 'just another' reality TV star to bona fide media sensation. It wouldn't be wrong to claim that, right now, she's the most famous woman in the world. Even Obama talks about her. It wouldn't be wrong, either, to say she's redefined the meaning of pop culture in the mere space of 12 months.”

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Hater Ruins Awesome Birthday

This is the picture of a hater. Look at this guy. Antonia Flores Narcisso, 42, of San Antonio, Texas was arrested for attacking his roommate that was celebrating his 35th birthday. Was he mad that he didn't get no cake? Well, yes. In a sense. You see, Antonio was mad that his roommate was making too much noise while having sex with two women. According to reports he kicked down the door and complained about the noise and his roommate told him to get out of the room because he was getting his bang on. Antonio didn't like that so he got a knife from the kitchen (as opposed to those awesome bathroom blades) and stabbed him in the head, back, and hands. He went to the hospital and the women were able to pick Antonio from a lineup. This happened in May and he was just arrested. He was charged with burglary of a habitation with the intent to commit felony force. Or just being a hater. The roommate is fine now but has either the best or worst birthday story depending on how you look at it.  

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Groom Ruins Wedding With Drunken Brawl

You know one of the best things about weddings? The booze. The other best thing? Fights! Mark Williams of Pittsburgh was arrested for being a dumbass. Mark, the groom, got wasted and harassed one of the waitresses. According to a criminal complaint he grabbed her by the side and hip and tried to pour booze down her throat even after she told him that she was pregnant. She called her boyfriend and after the riverboat docked her was waiting to kick some drunk groom ass. Yeah, I forgot to mention that this was the groom doing this shit. So the boyfriend starts fighting Mark and Mark's brother David Williams, a state trooper, got involved. Mark was charged with resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, harassment, public drunkenness, and riots wile his brother David was charged with resisting arrest after hitting on of the police in the arm. The bride went home alone and should seriously reconsider who the hell she married. If he acts like this the day of his wedding imagine how he'll be by their first anniversary. And I didn't know grooms got hammered on the wedding day. I thought that was a best man fuck up. The waitresses boyfriend was also unfairly arrested. 

Idiot Gets Pole In Ass

Good! That was the first thing I thought when I first heard this story. Mother In Colorado named Christina Jahnz ended up with a giant pole stuck in her thigh and ass after texting while driving. She had just dropped her daughter off at school and noticed that she had forgotten her saxophone. She used the voice to text to contact her daughter and wanted to check if the text was alright which kinda defeats the purpose of talking to text. “I looked down to make sure it was all right. The next thing I knew, I was looking up, there was white powder from the air bags deployed.” Isn't that crazy? You look away from the road and suddenly bad things happen? She ended up getting a shit ton of stitches and they had to saw the pole to get her out of her car after hitting the guard rail. They say if the pole was a few inches in any other direction her ass would have been dead...over a text. I know there are people that text while driving all the time and get away with it. There are also people who cross without looking that don't get hit by cars until someone does. Don't get hurt or die doing stupid shit. Imagine how the daughter would have felt knowing her mom died over a forgotten saxophone. Jackass.  

I Hate This Show Episode 12: Clowns To The Left Of Me

Batman and Bane go to the movies! Oh, with some help from The Joker. They do scenes like Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, Gladiator, Network, and Clerks. I love doing the Bane voice. Deal with it. You shouldn't be listening to this anyway. Don't you have dishes to wash? This show is a byproduct of insomnia. Click here for this and previous I Hate This Show.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Stripper Ain't Got Time For That!

I think we have found our mother of the year! 29 year old mother/stripper Bobbey Jo Boucher did not have time to talk to police about her missing daughter and cops arrested her goofy ass. She is cute in a damaged kinda way. Her 10 year old daughter was left at a barbecue while Bobbey went to work because laps aren't gonna dance themselves. A few hours later the girls grandmother called police because she hadn't come back home yet. When the police called to speak to her she told them “I have to get on stage” and hung up. When cops got her ass she said that she didn't hang up and that she transferred the call. Since she was being goofy the police couldn’t enter her daughters information into the missing children database. The girl was found around 9pm later that night while Bobbey was arrested and charged with misdemeanor obstruction. She got out after posting $663 in bail. I bet that child was better off running the streets than having another example of a terrible young mother. Oh, and I forgot to mention this was in Florida. This story was so silly I assumed that you would all know that. Or because of her name. I didn't know that name was still around. It's like finding someone named Pearl or Cletus. 

Teacher Fails At Twitter

Up in Northern California this teacher named Krista Hodges is sick of her damned students and she isn't afraid to let people know using her Twitter account. While she has not been fired she is going to be “disciplined” which means she will likely be moved to another school because its harder to fire a teacher than it is for me to have a healthy relationship. That's pretty hard. Between April and June of this year she tweeted that some of the kids in her class “make my trigger finger itchy” as well as saying she wanted to stab some students and pour coffee on others. I wonder what warrants each of these. Maybe talking too much gets a stabbing while not turning in homework gets you Folgers in your face. Hodges says she regrets sending the tweets and says she didn't expect anyone to take them seriously...because she's a silly person. I swear, if you're in school you already have to worry about being shot by students or fucked by teachers. Now you gotta worry about teachers wanting to get your ass.  

Saturday, August 30, 2014

I Hate This Show Episode 11: You're A Disgusting Fatbody

Ross Farms where they care, Becky and Lisbeth reenact Full Metal Jacket, Batman and Bane do a scene from Pulp Fiction, and Mickey “Staircase” Strombone had a business proposition for you. Oh! This is stupid. Click here for this and past I Hate This Show.  

Friday, August 29, 2014

8 Year Old Designated Driver

Clarence W. Hairston, 58, of Upper Darby, Pennsylvania just might be one of the shittiest uncles alive. He was pulled over by police when they noticed his car driving kinda bad and got quite a surprise when the car finally stopped. In his hand Clarence was holding a 25oz can of beer and in his lap was his 9 year old nephew. Oh, and in the backseat was an 8 year old. “The vehicle had stopped in the middle of the road and then was accelerating and braking. When it turned the corner onto Littlecroft, it struck a parked car. There was an 8-year-old boy on his lap steering the vehicle and another boy, a 9-year-old, in the back seat jumping around. When the car finally stopped, the little boys got out and the driver gets out with the can of beer in his hand” said Delaware County Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood. Clarence had all the signs of someone being drunk as shit and told the cop that he himself was a cop. “It's not right to jam up another cop” he said while he reeked of booze. He refused to take a Breathalyzer test and got slapped with reckless endangerment, endangering the welfare of a child, DUI, and permitting an unauthorized person to drive a car. He's being held on $15,000 bail. “The guy is a total moron, it's the best way to describe him” Chitwood said. I agree so hard I think I pulled a muscle.

I Hate This Show Episode 10: Dante From The Porn Shop

After years of trying I managed to find the segments of Adam Carolla's old show from when he was on terrestrial radio and I made appearances. The first clip is from when I called into Kevin & Bean last week but the rest are all from April till June of 2006. I had a lot of fun doing those episodes and its just weird to hear how nervous I used to sound knowing thousands of people were hearing me. Click here for this and past I Hate This Show.