Dante Vs Nature 29

Nature is an asshole. Seriously. I read about these crazy ass hornets in Asia, specifically China, that are just wrecking shop everywhere they go. Regular hornets suck. They build nests and start to attack you if you get too close to it. They're like those bad kids in that house up the street. Fuck them, too. Normal hornets are the size of a bee. Sometimes people go “Is that a bee or a hornet? Either way let's get out of here!”

Poke it with a stick and see if they buzz or hum. 

Not these Chinese hornets aka V Mandarinia. You see one of these and you'll probably think its not even real. “Am I in The Matrix?!” I'd probably scream before getting a few dozen new holes in my body. What's so bad about these, you ask? First off, they're the world's largest hornet and I'm just now finding out about them. The world's largest anything is bad. Burger. Tumor. Penis. All bad. Also, its venom is strong enough to melt human skin. They, meaning “science”, say dissolve but lets not split hairs. People can also die of kidney failure and anaphylactic shock. 

Run.

Fuck that.

36 people were killed by these between 2002 and 2005. In the past three months there have been over 40 deaths along with 1,675 have been injured. They say these things attack if they are threatened meaning they saw you and you tried to get away from them.

When I read how fast these things go I just gave up. They travel at 25mph and cover about 50 miles a day. “That isn't that fast” you said in the comfort of your non-hornet filled home. The fastest man alive, Usane Bolt, runs at a top speed of 27mph. So how fast can you go? You ever track your speed? I doubt its even close to that which means that these fucking demon bugs can just mosey on next to you until you double over and start shitting yourself. Fuck these things.

Twice.

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