After Sad Sack finishes crying,
thanking me for saving him, and then threatening to kill me if the
check I give him bounces he finishes doing his pushups. I'm not a fan
of sweat so I head down the hall to see if I can meet some new
friends. Boobs has her door closed but the sounds coming out of her
room prove that she isn't alone. Either she is having sex or a
gorilla got into this facility and is attacking her. Either way I
keep moving.
I get to a room at the end of the hall
and hear music playing. Mr. W. Scott wouldn't be happy about this. I
step into the doorway and this chick is sitting on the bed with her
legs crossed. She's got on tight blue jeans and a black t-shirt. She
has her back to me and her ass crack is hanging out which is driving
me crazy.
“What?” she says without even
turning to face me. Rude.
“Hello, Softy” I reply to her. “You
know, with this smooth music playing, you meditating, and the nice
lighting in here some would think that you were expecting a date.
Well...” I say while hitching my pants up “...here I am.” She
scoffs at me. So rude!
She finally turns to face me and
perhaps calling her Softy was a bad idea. She has a look in her eyes
that I have seen only once before. No. Twice. In Mr. W. Scott and
Joseph Stalin. My hands start shaking so I put them in my pockets
which is a bad move because now it looks like I am fiddling with
myself.
“Alan” she says. “Yeah, I know
who you are. I know everything about everyone here.” She stands and
walks over to me. Her walk looks familiar. “You must've really
upset your daddy to be put in here. I see the effects of not
having a drink in a day have already started showing. Those DT's
aren't gonna be much fun for you.”
“Is that what delirious tremendous
means?” I ask her.
“Delirium tremens “ she corrects
me. “And yes.”
“What should someone like me expect
when these delectable Tribbles start?”
“That would be spoiling the surprise,
now wouldn't it” she says. She glances over my shoulder and
smiles. Its not a real smile. Its the kind you give to someone who
cuts in front of you in line. “Hello, dad.” I turn and Mr. W.
Scott is standing behind me.
“This is your daughter?” I ask him.
He keeps looking at his clipboard. “If you don't mind me saying, I
think...”
“I do mind” he says. “Shut up.”
I stand and stare at him until he looks up at me. “Go.”
“But I've grown so accustomed to this
doorway” I tell him, leaning against it and sliding down.
“Go” Softy says. I stand up and
sigh loudly.
“Fine!” I shout. “I can tell when
I'm not wanted! But let me just say...”
“Go” Mr. W. Scott and Softy say at
the same time.
“...that even though I've known you
both for only a small amount of time, I feel as though we're family
already. Which is why I want you, Mr. W. Scott, to allow me to take
your daughters hand in marriage.”
“No” he says.
“Yes” she says.
“What?” Mr. W. Scott and I say.
“I will marry you” she says. Softy
grabs me by my shaky hands and pulls me in close and dips me, wipes
my hair from my forehead, and kisses me. I feel like such a beautiful
girl right now. “Dad, you cant stop true love.”
“Of course I can” he says and whips
out his cell. “Security.”
“Fine” Softy says. “The wedding
is off. My apologies for playing with your heart, Alan.”
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