Five Things I Learned Living In West Hollywood

I have now lived in the city of West Hollywood for almost as long as I lived in Los Angeles and honestly that thought is kinda depressing. I first moved her and lived with my ex girlfriend and her family when I was 18 and a few months out of high school. The plan was to stay maybe a year or so while working and then in a year or so get my own place back in Los Angeles. Obviously that didn't happen.

Over all these years here I've learned quite a few things about this city, the people, and its culture. I'm gonna talk about a few of them in this Five Things I Learned Living In West Hollywood. Some of these may seem obvious to some of you reading this but growing up where I did and how I did this stuff caught my ass by surprise.

1. Business Suit Crazy Is A Thing

What I mean by “business suit crazy” is that there are people that look totally normal and will suddenly start flipping right the fuck out. Growing up in L.A (which I consider Pico Blvd. and south) crazy people were very easy to spot visually or if you just listened to them. You had fair warning to cross the street or begin to engage in something that would either be a funny story later or a test in your running skills.

When I got over here in WeHo there would be people who looked like they were on their way to work and just minding their own business when suddenly they would start shouting at the sky or whip their dick out and start muttering about colors. It wasn't fair. I like my crazy and bad obvious like in Inspector Gadget cartoons. This new form of crazy took me a while to recognize but till this day I still slip up and am caught off guard by it.

2. Not All Gays Are Here To Entertain You

Going based off of television and movies gay people are great at giving fashion advice, helping women understand their boyfriends, and the life of the party. This isn't true. While those types of gay do exist its not an across the board thing like I thought. The idea of a gay person being violent never even crossed my mind until I moved across from the gay bar and saw how hard they fight each other. An angry gay person blew my mind.

Also, you better get used to seeing dick. I'm dead serious. There are fliers on the ground that have dick or dick cleavage. Every holiday is dick related. Thanksgiving? Guy holding turkey in front of his dick. 4^th of July? Dick fireworks. Christmas? Gift wrapped dick. Most things are sex related and if that bothers you chances are you'll snap within two days.

3. The Police Do Not Care

There have been plenty of times where I have called the West Hollywood Sheriffs to report a crime happening or about to occur and they just never bothered to show up. I'm not talking about someone's car alarm going off (which I did do once) but a guy with a knife threatening someone or someone being attacked. They just do not care. This was weird because in L.A there was such a police presence and if you called they were there a minute or so later. Maybe there aren't enough cops. Maybe where I am is too far from the police station.

Nope. The station isn't far from me and I just last week saw nine cars come to catch one guy that was running from them. I've seen five cars show up to get one homeless guy screaming but none show up as someone lay on the ground unconscious after a fight. Almost every time I am sitting at the bus stop they slow down and mad dog me while ten feet away they ignore the guy splashing milk all over the sidewalk and screaming at old ladies. This has actually happened. Maybe they just like the easy cases.

4. It Costs A Lot To Be Here

I'm lucky in the sense they I live in a rent controlled place. This is something I have learned to appreciate over time since people I know pay almost twice as much as me to live in their places. But then again it may be worth it to not have to step over used condoms, human shit (HuDoo), and wet vomit when I leave the apartment. But that's beside the point. I am surrounded by lots of bars, clubs and restaurants that cost more than they are worth. Back when I used to go to clubs I never went to the ones over here because they don't cater to me.

God forbid I want some fast food that doesn't begin with Sub and end with Way. Plenty of those. If I did want to move into another place near me (which I seriously would never do) I would have to pay two to three times as much for way less. They are building even more places to live all over the city which will just make it harder to park and get anywhere but that doesn't matter because this city is all about making more money and doing less for the people who live here. Walgreen's? No. Pot shops? Yes. Mom and pop businesses? No. Expensive shops that close in months? Yes.

5. It's Never Quiet

If you have ever talked to me on the phone you have heard sirens. There are always sirens blaring or low flying helicopters. There is a plane right now making noise just to add itself to the mix. But its not just the loud vehicles you have to get used to. Growing up in L.A this was not something I had to deal with. I was far enough from main streets (car alarm just went off as I am writing this) to have to focus and wonder if it was a siren or a very strange bird. Not anymore. I now know the difference between a police siren, ambulance, and fire truck.

The people are a whole other issue. You can hear someone screaming for help at 3am only to start laughing because its funny to do that. Right? You can have someone scream as if they are being killed only to see they are mad that they got a parking ticket. I won't even talk about parking in WeHo. This city is a real life version of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I think I may have explained why the cops never show up. And do not get me started on the parades either. 

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