Dante Vs. Nature 38

I believe that when a woman gets married or dates someone, no matter how strong and tough that woman is, she likes to believe that if the shit hit the fan that her man would be able to protect her and/or their child. Sadly, this isn't always the case. Sometimes they end up with a guy that is a big ass pussbot that is afraid of small animals. Teresa Barker and her boyfriend Lee Palmer of Oregon were held hostage by a 22 pound fat ass kitty cat when it decided to go H.A.M on them.

They called animal control and they wouldn't come. This isn't unheard of. I called once when me and my brother were kept from heading into our home when a giant ass St. Bernard of the crackhead neighbors was loose and on our porch. My brother bailed and I waited until my other brother came home and he blocked the dog off with his car. He then sprayed the dog with air freshener after calling animal control who never came. But that was a dog that was a couple hundred pounds. Not a damned kitty cat with anger issues! But I digress.

Look! It's one of those new baby shaped scratching posts!

This whole thing started when the cat, Lux, attacked Teresa's seven month old baby. In case any of you don't know, “Lux” is another name for the Devil. Now, if I had a baby and the cat attacked my baby, we no longer have a cat. We'd have a brand new small rug that looks exactly like a cat we once owned. Teresa spanked the cat on the ass and the cat went bonkers. Since she is dating a guy like Lee he hid in the bathroom with his girl and her baby. No one is calling him the father so neither will I.

“He's trying to attack us. When I leave the bedroom to let the police in, I'm gonna have to fight this cat” Lee told a 911 operator in between gasps for breath. Police eventually showed up and caught the ferocious 22 pound house cat. It was said that this cat has a history of starting shit. “It's only funny when it's not happening to you. When this happens to you, I assure you, you will do the same thing” Teresa said while hopefully rethinking owning a cat that attacked her child.

Nope.

(sigh)

She still owns it. This cat will do it again but the next time the baby will get jacked up even worse. “Oh, how did your baby get hurt?” “We have a dangerous cat that attacks humans.” There are so many life changing events that need to happen in that house. One, mama needs to take those piercings out of her face. There's a limit and you surpassed it. Two, get rid of the cat that has the ability to chase you and your family into a home where you need to call 911 to save your lives. And three, cats are assholes. We all know this. If you can throw your leg over your shoulder and lick your own crotch you don't get to have a bad day. I know folks love cats and they are snugly and purr when you pet them. So am I. But what I won't do is attack your baby and chase you into the bathroom. Usually.

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