Shit Just Got Real 19

Its not very often I get to report a story like this. False. This is starting to happen more often. You know that thing when a woman attacks someone with a sex toy? Yeah. That old thing. In New Mexico 35 year old Cara Claffy who doesn't look a day over 64 attacked her 60 year old mother Sheryl Claffy with a vibrator aka a personal massager. I love that stores can just sell vibrators knowing good and damn well that thing will never be applied anywhere above the waist. But I digress.

Joy...and pain!

The mother Sheryl was watching TV, let's assume Murder She Wrote, when she and her daughter got into an argument. Her daughter I imagine looked around the house for something good enough to whack her mama in the head with. Me, I have lots of stuff. A hammer, an iron, Voltron, my own penis, plenty of things. But Cara decided that a vibrator was perfectly fine for this situation. She said that after her daughter bonked her she felt blood coming down her head and ran out of the house to call for help.

Just so much sexy.

Her daughter, in her defense, says that her mother came out of a room and “that she had struck herself with a vibrator.” That's the oldest trick in the book! The bash yourself in the head with a vibrator and scream for help trick!

Luckily it wasn't one of these classic models. 

Cara tried to get away and her mother said that she was hiding in a truck. The police just saw some dude sitting in it (honest mistake) but that there was a bloody vibrator on the floor. Ew. Let's pray that its from the same crime and that New Mexico isn't littered with bloody vibrators. Cara was caught leaving a house nearby and arrested for being a nasty ass mofo. Or...aggravated battery on a household member and domestic violence on $3500 bond. I did some research and she also has other drug possession and child abuse arrests because parenthood.

Click here for previous Shit Just Got Real Posts.