Shit Just Got Real 22

Lori Moore and her new boyfriend Lance Griffel were murdered at her 15 year high school reunion. The East Peoria High class of 1999 was holding their reunion at Fifth Quarter Sports Bar & Pizzeria having a good time until around 8pm when Lori's ex husband, 40 year old Jason Moore, showed up. Witnesses say that he calmly walked to them and shot them both in the heads, killing them instantly. All hell breaks loose as everyone is trying to get out of the place for fear of being killed themselves.

Moments later Moore himself was shot in the head and killed by an FBI agent that just so happened to be in the bar at the time. Lori filed for divorce from Jason early last year and the marriage was dissolved two months afterward. They had two children, a son and daughter, named Kaydin and Callie.

Shit Just Got Real 21

Remember when I used to have segments on my blog? Well, they’re back. Meet Charity Stevens. She is a 15 year old girl from Texas who needed a place to stay because she had nowhere to live. Tamica Lincoln, a very nice woman in Longview, Texas and 30 years old, took her in while she attended as a 10th grader at New Life Christian School. When asked by school officials about previous schooling that she'd received she told them that she had been home schooled. “She had good grades. She acted like a respectful student and did good work” the school principal had said. Lincoln acted as her guardian while she attended school which is pretty damned nice of her. I talk about Charity in the past tense not because she up and died or got shot like kids happen to get nowadays. I say this because it turns out that the only thing real about Charity was that she is a female and Black.

Shit is about to get real.

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This is one of those stories that makes my head spin. It is a pretty open and shut case of a grown ass woman fucking a boy but because I was once a boy (some would say I still am but not in a flattering way whatsoever) I see the situation that this kid was in and am sure that if I were in his shoes I would do the same thing he did. Corrie Anne Long who is a 43 year old middle school teacher in Texas gave her 8th grade student a blowjob.

This little situation came to an end after a classmate saw the boy slap Connie on her ass and her sitting on his lap. Police have charged her with sexual assault on a minor and improper conduct with a student. When the boy was interviewed he told them that he first got his wang mouthasized by his teacher who he had known since 6th grade right before Thanksgiving break. Connie was released on $30,000 bond and has a court appearance coming up soon. She has also been fired from her job. So that's what it takes to get rid of a teacher, huh?

Now this is where shit gets real. To me.

Shit Just Got Real 19

Its not very often I get to report a story like this. False. This is starting to happen more often. You know that thing when a woman attacks someone with a sex toy? Yeah. That old thing. In New Mexico 35 year old Cara Claffy who doesn't look a day over 64 attacked her 60 year old mother Sheryl Claffy with a vibrator aka a personal massager. I love that stores can just sell vibrators knowing good and damn well that thing will never be applied anywhere above the waist. But I digress.

Joy...and pain!

The mother Sheryl was watching TV, let's assume Murder She Wrote, when she and her daughter got into an argument. Her daughter I imagine looked around the house for something good enough to whack her mama in the head with. Me, I have lots of stuff. A hammer, an iron, Voltron, my own penis, plenty of things. But Cara decided that a vibrator was perfectly fine for this situation. She said that after her daughter bonked her she felt blood coming down her head and ran out of the house to call for help.

Shit Just Got Real 18

Fuck. That was the first thing I said when I saw this story. An old man, Joseph Vallenti, celebrated his 96th birthday and his family got him a cake. That's nice. My birthday is next week and no one is getting me a cake. So his family got him his favorite cake, German apple, and he cut into it and got the worst surprise anyone could ever get. Rat.

He got it from King Kullen which is a grocery store in Commack, New York. After he ate it he got stomach pains and diarrhea which at the age of 96 you can only hope that isn't the beginning of your death. Seriously, he's 96 fucking years old. He has survived so much crazy shit in the world and a rat infested cake could've taken him out. A guy that is dating his niece said that he saw what appeared to be a tail sticking out the cake.

Cue Sad Hulk music...

This is when shit gets real.

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When I first heard this story I thought it was made up. Not sure why I did because it it had happened in Florida I would've have just nodded and wrote a post about it. The story coming out of Essex which is somewhere across the sea about a chick, Torz Reynolds who is 26, getting upset at her boyfriend and slicing off her tattoo. I know that people get mad after being cheated on or broken up with, but come the fuck on!

She dated a 26 year old guy named Stuart “Chopper” May who told her that he had to move to Alaska because he was starting a new job. If anything if I were here I would have felt like an idiot for getting some guys name tattooed on me. Do that if someone is dead because they can't leave you and get any deader. But if you are dating someone and do this you're just asking for trouble. And by trouble I mean that he just moved back home and got a new woman. Damn. How bad do you have to want to get away from someone to make up that strange ass lie?

Don't...don't you want me?

You should stop reading right about here unless being grossed right the fuck out is fine with you because shit gets real.

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Guys are seen as these beasts that think about sex all the time and will never turn it down. Let me break this to you ladies: this is only 97% true. If you are trying to fuck a guy and he doesn't want to there's a very good reason why and you should step back a moment and say to yourself “Perhaps now is not the right time for the sexy time...” Or lose your shit and trash the place and get arrested naked like Arizona chick Ashley Marie Prenovost.

Ashley who lives with the father of her four month old daughter because it wouldn't be a ridiculous ass situation unless a child was involved was already hammered when she came home and tried making the moves on her man. He declined and she wasn't having that shit. She punched two holes in the wall before punching a framed picture getting blood all over the house.

Then shit got real...er.

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You ever have some shit get so real that you pass out in court? Richard Thomas, 27, of Leigh, Great Manchester did when he found out that his life may end differently than he may have anticipated. This asshole raped a woman last year after breaking into her house while she was asleep. Many stories that have reported this leave out the fact that the victim had taken a sleeping pill and was out of it while this occurred. Thomas himself had been drinking and taking drugs the night he did this. And likely the night before and after since he has a history of drug use since he was 11. Thanks to Dashuh for sending me this story. Encourage me to write like she does, people!

Thomas was convicted of this rape even though he says that he doesn't remember doing it. He was sentenced to 5 years and four months in jail which is not even close to enough time for a crime like this. The prosecutor stated “She froze and no words were exchanged. He pulled up his shorts and left.” BBC News reports that Thomas had known that the woman he raped was sick but he didn't know with what.

Shit is about to get real real real fast.

Shit Just Got Real 14

I have never understood crazy wedding proposals. I liked the idea of just being somewhere nice, like home, and perhaps with friends and family and proposing. Not at a sporting event, not in a restaurant, and definitely not underwater like Anthony Taylor did to his girlfriend Stephanie Walker. Before I go on with this story allow me to rant for a moment.

When guys propose to a chick and tell their friends their friends will ask “So, what did she say?” That's about it. When a woman accepts a proposal and tells her friends the friends ask “Let me see the ring!” and “How did he do it?!” I don't understand the importance of how a guy asked just as long as he did. Out of all the friends that I have that are married I only know the proposal story of one and the way it was done is totally acceptable to me. It was nice, simple, and sweet.

Now back to the story.

Shit Just Got Real 13

In Iowa City the cops pulled 19 year old Quentrel J. Johnson over because of his name. I'm kidding but totally not at the exact same time. They say he was driving around with no headlights on around 5pm in the afternoon. The car smelled like weed because he's 19 and then the cops asked him to step out of his vehicle. When he did they noticed that his tongue and teeth were covered in weed.

The police checked him and he had a large bag of weed in his crotchal region which is usually the best place to hide drugs because cops never check there for drugs ever. The asshole is an even better place to hide things. He told the cops that, yes, he had been smoking weed (derp!) and then shit got real for young Quentrel.

Shit Just Got Real 12

Quinno's crazy ass sent me this story about a week ago. It is an uplifting story of one man's battle against the system and trying to retain not only his freedom, but his humanity. Or its about some dude that was beating off and fighting cops. You decide after reading.

Meet Andrew Frey, 37. A few days before Christmas in Oregon he went to Iggy's Bar & Grill and for whatever reason, call it a whim, call it a strong desire to show his body that he appreciated it, he started jerking off in front of everyone. Since they were all squares he decided to keep on bleeding the weasel. People had an issue with this so the police were called. Andrew had no more shits to give so he kept on burping the worm.

Now shit gets real.

Shit Just Got Real 11

You ever send a letter to someone or a voice mail and realized way too late that you couldn't take it back? Well, today you can do this but instead of the one person you meant to send it to and their friend they most definitely showed your ramblings to thousands if not millions of people can witness your mistake. With things like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram you can post something and have people you don't know and will never meet, like me, see the kinda bullshit you post.

A PR specialist, which as you keep reading will become far too damned ironic, named Justine Sacco was fired after posting a Tweet. “Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding. I'm white!” She worked at InterActive Corp., a company that also owns Match.com, Dictionary.com, and Vimeo which are all huge companies to work for. She ended up posting an apology after she realized how big a shit storm she'd caused. Of course she's deleted her account since then.

Shit Just Got Real 10

Heather sent me this story where there is video showing a bus robbery taking place. Well, it kinda sorta did. On a Seattle Metro bus 19 year old Trevonnte Brown (these names, these names...) put on a nylon mask because he must've just watched a film about crimes in the 1960's and decided that it would be a great idea to start stealing shit from people.

So here he is with his gun and walking up to passengers snatching their cell phones from them. What bothers me besides the fact that a person needs only one phone, two at most so there's no need to be taking so many, is that people are fucking oblivious to what is happening around them. I have never been surprised by something happening suddenly on the bus because I get into full meerkat mode when I'm on it. Nothing is getting past me unnoticed!

I see you, bitch!

Everyone is just like “Oh, la la la! I'm on the bus and its just me there is no one else in the world but me and who I am talking to on the phone!” Asshats. So he is just walking down the aisle and taking shit. And since there is sound I know that people were fine with having their shit taken because no one was like “This muthafucka is phone snatchin'!” Nope. They jut laid there and took it like dirty, dirty whores. Oh, you like that, don't you? Yeah. Just take it.

Shit Just Got Real 9

There are so many times in life where someone does something wrong and then someone responds in an even wronger way and then the next thing you know all hell breaks loose. How can something turn from a traffic stop to a mother with a minivan full of kids being shot at and the mother and her 14 year old son under investigation? Easily apparently.

The mother Orianna Ferrell got into it with a state officer in New Mexico after she was pulled over for speeding. She was doing 71 in a 55 mph zone. The cop told her “I'll be right back, go ahead and turn the vehicle off for me.” So when the cop heads back to his vehicle she decided “Ain't nobody got time for that!” and sped off. Why? I don't know yet. But it was a bad idea. So he catches up to her again and starts yelling at her ass. “Get out of the vehicle! Get out of the vehicle right now!”

At this point the cop is over her bullshit and tries to yank her out the car. Now, you can say he is wrong for this but as a fan of equality they would've yanked a grown ass man out the car as well. Her 14 year old son decides its time to save the day until the cop pulls a taser out.

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As humans we do stupid things that we hope no one saw. Back when I was little I did things that would have been Youtube sensation if it was caught on tape meaning my life would be ruined and I would not be the same guy you all know right now. The internet has changed the way a lot of people are handled when they fuck up in life. Take Michigan chick Alicia Ann Lynch. Please. Take her somewhere far from Earth.

She decided that it would be fun to come to work for Halloween dressed as a victim of the Boston marathon bombing. Now, depending on your levels of fucked up in your head you may think this is funny or even clever. You may even think that this is a “too soon” situation. Me, I think this is someone who had one of those horrible ideas and followed through with it. None of us are above them. See an old lady crossing the street too slowly and you imagine running her ass down making you Dodge earn its name. Someone talking too loudly on their cell phone and you want to throw it into traffic...after you through them.

But this?

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People get pissed off when Jehovah's Witnesses come knocking on their doors. But some people get pissed on a whole 'nother level. John Baldwin, 35, of Arkansas got so mad that a gun got involved. Wait. He's only 35? Shit. That's just one year older than I am. He looks terrible. Anyhoot, while on his front lawn he was approached by 55 and 47 year old Laura Goforth and Rachel Boshears. Now instead of just saying something like “Leave me alone” or “I'm not interested” he decided that “Get your fucking ass off my property. I moved out here to get away from people like you!” was a far more appropriate response.

The two ladies decide that this guy took things that were at best a 3 to an 11 and decided to head back to their cars. Baldwin wasn't done though. Oh, not by a long shot. He told his wife “Get my 9” meaning his 9mm handgun. And she did! I cant believe that she actually went and got him his fucking gun! So they get in the car driven by Boshears' husband and they see this crazy bastard firing shots at the car. How many?

19.

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I was watching this news story a few days ago about this chick, Melinda Slick, and how she got told off by a bus driver. In late August while on the bus Slick complained to the driver about how cold it was on the bus. She sat there with her arms tucked into her shirt and eventually got off the bus. There were some more words between the two and before Slick got off the bus the driver said to her "As long as you’re short, fat and white, you will not speak to me like that again."

In an interview Slick said that she was "completely speechless. I didn’t know what to say. As soon as I stepped off the bus, I lost it. The tears just started flowing. I have struggled with my weight my whole entire life. I’ve been bullied and picked on all through school because of it." I've spoken before how it is to ride buses here (click here to read my Five Things I Learned Riding The Bus) and how you are at the mercy of the drivers. You can talk shit to them all you want but they can also choose to kick your ass off the bus.

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This could've been a Kids These Days since it involves a 14 year old but then shit got really real. In Mississippi a kid has been charged with having hi father killed. Now that is bad enough. Having a parent killed is bad. Blake Thompson had three guys kill his father by stabbing him, burying him in a shallow grave, and setting his truck on fire. But it still manages to get worse. How, you ask?

The boy was dating one of the killers...who is 25...and a cop.

There was a time when you would get upset with your parents and you would run away or tell them you hated them and lock yourself in the room. At the very least you would pack up a bag or if you were a living cartoon get a stick with a sack at the end (which I discovered is called a bindle).

Shit Just Got Real 4

Don’t you hate when you pay for a service and somehow do not receive it? You ever been mad enough to shoot someone because of it? Well, Texas resident Ezekiel Gilbert was and he did. Most times when you shoot and kill someone you get put in prison for years or life. Not in Texas which is mad at Florida for stealing all its crazy thunder! Gilbert shot and killed an escort on Christmas Eve in 2009 and seven months later she died from her injuries.

Feeling lonely and in the mood for love that Christmas Eve years ago Gilbert went to Craigslist and hired an escort for services. Yeah. You know what I’m talking about. Lenora Ivie Frago showed up and after about twenty minutes of not sex she allegedly took the $150 that she was to be paid and tried to leave to give the money to her driver aka her pimp and partner and Gilbert was having none of that. So instead of maybe calling the police or putting the money away or somewhere she couldn’t just take it and walk out of his house he decided to shoot her in the neck.

Shit Just Got Real 3

There are a few things that I don't fuck around with. Sexy thighs, dirt people, food, comedy, and of course...zombies. Now, I'm not gonna hurt anyone over these things. I'll strongly disagree at the most. But this dude named Jared Gurman is on some whole 'nother level shit that makes me question the strength of my convictions. This is because this Williston Park (New York) mofo shot his girlfriend, Jessica Gelderman, in the back with a shotgun over a disagreement about the series The Walking Dead. 

“Jess walked into the room and I fired the gun once and hit her. She said, 'Oh my God. What did you do?'” Gurman told police. Using a .22 semiautomatic rifle he jacked up a lung, her diaphragm, and shattered her ribs because this is America and that is a logical response to a disagreement over a TV show. He drove her to a hospital and was arrested. She's still in there with a bullet in her body.