Women Don't Fight Fair 5

Oh, boy. This one here. I still don't understand why when people want someone killed they use outside help. Most times its an undercover cop or the person you have asked to kill someone is gonna turn you in to the law even if you offer sex. Regular sex is never a good tradeoff when there is a possibility of prison sex. The more you know. Jessica Strom, 33, from Wisconsin (don't ya know!) asked a pilot, who are known for their mad assassination skills, to kill her fiance.

Maybe I'm cynical but this doesn't shock me.

To entice him she offered him $1000 and sex. I could understand if this was to paint her house or drive her across country maybe. But not murder. This mother of three but I am guessing none are with her 49 year old man John Schellpfeffer asked the pilot who is an old classmate of his to kill him. She even supplied a map of his job and the routine of the neighbors. Jessica told him that he could “blow his brains out and walk out.” What a delicate flower this one is. They set up a meeting in person where she asked him if he would ever kill someone. He told her no and instead of just nodding and enjoying being out of the house she kept pushing it by asking what it would take for him to do it.

Now if you had asked me this question it would be along the lines of revenge for myself or a very good friend, self defense because fuck people who sneeze and don't cover their mouths, or a plane crash somewhere far from civilization because I get bitchy when I don't eat. She then told him that “You're very thorough and you're very neat and I think you would be a good person to do this for me.” That sounds like me! She told him that her fiance (not husband!) was controlling and had “done bad things to her and others.” The pilot told her that she could just leave the relationship to which she said that it wouldn't give her any satisfaction. She wanted blood!

Man blood!

So he kept saying no and she told him to think about it overnight. That's stupid. I could just imagine “Don't make a decision just now. Sleep on this proposed murder plot and let me know what you think tomorrow. Should we order an appetizer?” She told the pilot that it would be easy and she “would do it, but I can't, I'd be the first one they'd come after.”After playing along for a while the pilot asked for $50,000 but she talked him down to $1000. That should make anyone automatically suspicious by the way. “Its better than nothing I guess” he said to which she responded “And some sex!” Seriously. It still amazes me how powerful some women think their vajayjays are. Now, there are some might powerful ones out there, but this woman does not own one of them. Know how I know? She brought up murdering her fiance, not the pilot. Detective Dante is on the case!

After the killing was to take place Jessica said that she would meet with the pilot and “pay you and fuck you and whatever.” Ladies, never say “Whatever” to a man. “Whatever” means the butt sex. Right? Well, in my world it does. Stop using that word because I will “Whatever” the fuck out of you. She then said “If you chicken out let me know, okay? Because otherwise I'll set it up with someone else” because she hadn't dug her hole deep enough. Cops stormed her house last night and arrested her dumb ass for conspiracy to commit first degree murder which can get you a maximum of 60 years in prison. Just say life! She told police that she was gonna call off the murder the next day. Sure you were. She is still in jail with $250,000 bond. Conspiracy to murder will always get you more time than for reals murder.

Orange is the new derp.

I remember seeing an episode of Cops where this chick set her husband up to be killed. She was serious about the shit. She was being recorded the whole time and didn't know it. The guy later told her that she had done the job and the police came to tell her that her husband was dead and then they brought him into the room. She tried to go hug him and he moved away from her crazy ass. That woman deserved an award for the tears she was able to spout. So yeah. How about those three kids of hers?

Click here for previous Women Don't Fight Fair.